to tell my mum that I am upset that she forgets that she's arranged to see me?

[audley]

Just a quick question to see what you all think. My mum has a week off work this week and said she'd spend some time with me today. I decided to stay in cleaning with DS until I'd heard from her to find out what we were going to do/when we were meeting up. She called at 10am and asked what I had planned for the day, I said I was only doing the cleaning. she then told me what she was up to, and it didn't include seeing me! When I reminded her she offerred to come over and cancel her other plans. I told her it was fine but could we arrange something else? She said she just forgot and I said I understood but I planned my day around seeing her and that I felt like an inconvenience! Was this being too harsh? It has happened a lot...I am a planner and mum is very much a take each day as it comes person. Now I feel guilty! I reason that unless we talk about things that upset us we'll not get on and not know why, but AIBU?

Yes you are being unreasonable - very. She forgot, she offered to come and see you any way when you reminded her and you said 'no.'

You've got a better memory than her that's all. Hardly a big deal.

i think seeing as when you mentioned it to her and she was happy to cancel her other plans and come over you were then unreasonable to not take her up on it

if you are a planner and she is not and you know that, then you should not get so upset and cross

you could have had a nice day together as planned, you chose not to

You feel upset that your mum forgot that she was seeing you. YANBU.

But, perhaps you should have taken her up on the offer to change her plans, or knowing she had 'form' phoned her to check if she had remembered.

Or just forget the psychobabble and go for "martyred"?

YABU in that your mother said she'd cancel her plans and spend the day with you. Thus you've chosen to do yourself out of the very arrangements you are now complaining about.

Oh dear, thanks for your feedback, I agree with some of what you all said, I was waiting to see if she remembered ...Also, in my defence she was cancelling an appointment with someone we know and this would have been the third time in a row, which I find a bit embarrassing. I have tried to handle this in different ways before, ie get on with my day as normal and see what she does, but then it has usually meant that I am not around when it is convenient for her, or I stop what I'm doing, see her when she's ready but feel utterly wound up by it all. We have talked about it several times in the past, I talk, she listens and says sorry (I don't want an apology, just to work this thing out). I still don't like the feeling of waiting by the phone to see if we're on her agenda or not!

If you are a planner and your mother is not, maybe it would be easier on both of you if you called a day or so before the actual day to 'discuss arrangements' for the day? That way, you can plan ahead, and you remind your mum nearer the time?

I do see why you are feeling a bit miffed about being forgotten, though!