To be sick of other people constantly trying to discipline/mannerise my son?

[grumblinalong]

I know mannerise isn't a word btw, but it fits quite nicely with what I want to say

DS1 is nearly 6 (next week!) and is IMO a pretty well behaved and polite boy - he has his moments but he's generally very sensible and mature as school pointed out with a certificate last week.

This week I have encountered three female members of our family disciplining (sp?) him and/or jumping on him to say please/thank you/sorry etc without giving him or me a moment to think about/judge his behaviour. For example - he was handed a treat and as soon as it touched his hand two people said to him 'What do you say?' and he was just about to say thanks! He was also shouted at for jumping off a small wall, causing no harm to anyone.

One of my relatives is a primary school teacher, one a childminder and one a nurse so I don't know if they're just slipping into bossy work mode but it irks me that they don't give ME chance to tell him but they also reprimand him for things I consider minor. I have no problem with someone disciplining my child for something serious but would prefer it if they let me make the call. I have said this to them but they have all dismissed me on the lines of we're only trying to help. I try to not interfere with telling off other people's dc's as much as I can. So Am I BU or a bit pfb?

omg my family do this ALL THE TIME and i have the most well mannered child ever. I actually have stopped going out with them because they are such TOTAL nightmares . Just tell them to knock it off.

Oh and crockydoodle = sorry but that was extremely rude and if my son did that I would be horrified. He knows fine well not to be personal about people - its not on.

Crockydoodle - I'd have been mortified if my 4 year old said that to someone and apologised profusely.

My DS does describe people as fat and I do explain not to... I am dreading it happening when we are out. I don't think the Fat Controller in Thomas helps - although I do use it as a cue for a lecture reminder about manners.

A little boy I used to look after had a habit of calling EVERYONE 'big nose'. Of course one day he said it to a man in a shop with the most enormous hooter. I managed to make it a million times worse 'I'm so sorry, but he does say it to everyone, even people without big noses, erm I mean he wasn't singling you out because your nose actually IS big....oops'

I dislike that. My mum has a tendency to say 'what do you say?' before she has even handed whatever it is over. I often feel the right response would be' Give me the bloody thing!"

YANBU at all. I had an experience with a friend who insisted that DS2 say please for a lick of her lolly. He doesn't know these people well and whispered please (he was 3 at the time) as he clearly felt put on the spot.

Not good enough for friend who polished off the lolly. DS2 in tears. I said that he always usually says please and her arsehole DH said ' well maybe next time he'll say it'.

Their daughter was still pooing her pants on a daily basis at the age of 5 caused by anxiety. Go figure.

Saying please and thank you aren't the be all and end all.

Sorry I've rambled but this still rankles with me. And I haven't let my DCs near them since.

YANBU. We had this with a couple of people over DD when she was about 5y. They never gave her chance to say thank you, etc. and just assumed she would't I guess. We had a quick polite word with said people and they stopped doing it, and DD got her chance to respond accordingly.

actually i don't think four is old enough for some (not all, some ARE more mature and aware, some are not) children to realise the social niceties of not commenting on adults appearances. if the man was fat, then he was fat! do we want to teach our children to be dishonest and tricksy so early on?

if he'd told me my child needed to learn some manners, i would have been sorely tempted to tell him he needed to go on a diet. i know, i know, not everyone is fat because of over-eating, shoot me now. i am very PMT and want to wring the whole bloody world's neck. Grrrrrr

phew feel better now.

One of the things I love about small children is their total lack of tact! They tell it like it is! Surely these fat/big-nosed adults are fully aware of their own physical shortcomings? Can they really be so sensitive as to take offence at a small child's truthful observations? It's not as though the comments are intended to hurt, they're simply staing what they see.

Well, you can shape these things yourself.

Perhaps by saying "give him half a chance!" when they do the "what do you say?" thing... or saying "it's not a big deal, though, is it?" when he jumps off the wall?

OP

I think some people are a bit obsessed with being seen to be well mannered - constantly nagging small children without giving them a chance is bad mannered!

Some people need to chill out with other peoples DC.

Toomuchmonth- It's not the child who says tactless things I have a problem with - it's the precious parents who believe their children can get away with being rude.

Not saying please and thankyou when distracted is different to name calling.

crokkydoodles child would be told off if thay said that to another child in school or nursery - rightly so!!