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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be very annoyed at a comment made to my DD

37 replies

ByTheSea · 21/07/2009 17:53

My DD1 is ten and very bright. She goes to our local state school, which is rated good with many outstanding features, and is doing exceptionally well there, both academically and socially. She also loves to dance and has been dancing at a local dance school for the last six years. Last week they put on a big show as they do every couple of years. Some of the girls she dances with go to an independent primary - there are not many around here.

Well, one of the girls from the independent school told my DD that her state school is rubbish compared to the independent school and only needs to teach children to read and write as none of them will be going on to university anyway.

WTF?

DD1 made sure to tell me that not all the girls she knows from this independent school are so snobby this way. She is currently preparing to take the 11+ in November to get into the ridiculously competitive grammar school (which I honestly don't really approve of but does seem to be the right school for DD) and so is this other girl. DD is a bit put out that they are covering 11+ preparation at this girl's school but not at our state and that we have to self-prepare.

BTW, both DH and I were educated at state schools and went to university. I really don't understand this kind of class thing here even though I've been here over a decade and this is the first time it's been my own DC affected. DH tells me I used to see it at work in the city all the time, but not notice it.

And just to finish my rant, I can't seem to pick up a newspaper (and I'm a Guardian reader) without reading about how my DC are so underpriveleged by attending a state school. Argghh.

OP posts:

Original poster

ByTheSea · 21/07/2009 17:56

Meant to say I'm American and was educated in the US.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 21/07/2009 17:57

yeah but she's a kid, they say all kinds of crap.

DD (also 11) was talking about the tooth fairy's dress that she thought she wore only yesterday.

SusieDerkins · 21/07/2009 17:57

Let it go. I really wouldn't let a what a 10 year old said to your dd get to you.

You have a happy, bright child who is thriving and you and your dh are obvioulsy great parents. From the moment our children are born we are made to feel guilty about the choices we make. I could do a list a mile long of things I've been made to feel guilty about...

Original poster

ByTheSea · 21/07/2009 17:57

Yeah, she's a kid, but clearly she's hearing that kind of crap somewhere.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 21/07/2009 17:59

Ignore it, it was just childish showing off. I probably said much worse than that when I was a kid but we didn't have the whole competitive parent think back then!

Kammy · 21/07/2009 17:59

YANB in the least little bit U! What a horrible comment - at best perhaps the other girl is jealous, at worst.....

Just tell your dd what an advantage it is to have gone to a state school, mixed with diverse people,had fun made friends, all the things that should be important to little girls - and still do brilliantly academically.

Honestly, completely ridiculous.

wahwahwah · 21/07/2009 18:01

She is probably hearing it from an adult. Don't let it get to you (or her). She will face idiots all her life (don't we all?) so she is just learning now how to deal with them.

I guess you are London-based?

SusieDerkins · 21/07/2009 18:01

I doubt the other girl even understood what she's said. She's probably heard that comment made by her (ignorant) parents and repeated it.

Honestly, let it go.

cocolepew · 21/07/2009 18:02

My DD is going to our local High Scholl in September, she passed the 11+ and it would have been a shoo in for her to go to Grammar. But that's not the right place for her, and the amount of crap she's heard from classmates about her going to High school is ridiculous. They are getting it from their parents, but don't let it get to you. I couldn't give a stuff, I know what's best for my DD, not them.

cocolepew · 21/07/2009 18:03

school she didn't get her brians from me......

FranSanDisco · 21/07/2009 18:04

THis child would make ridiculous comments regardless of education. There's a privately educated child at ds's swimming who thinks he's a cut above everyone else. He has a long way to fall in life sadly if he doesn't change his attitude.

Morloth · 21/07/2009 18:07

A shame her school doesn't teach manners.

DS would be in all sorts of shit if I heard of him saying something like that.

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/07/2009 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VeryAngryGusset · 21/07/2009 18:09

I went to a uni rife with independently schooled kids. There was graffiti int he library toilets that said "I approve of public schools. It keeps them away from us."

It always made me smile (esp when some of these twats people stopped talking to me when they realised they had never heard of my school. They weren't all like that, I hasten to add. I'm sure your DD can rise above all this.

BitOfFun · 21/07/2009 18:11

Brians?

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2009 18:14

Sounds like this girl is repeating what she's heard her parent's say, and they are just trying to justify the school fees.

cocolepew · 21/07/2009 18:15

FFS I knew that wasn't right

BitOfFun · 21/07/2009 18:17

Are you telling me that was deliberate? Yeah, right

cocolepew · 21/07/2009 18:19

I was testing you.

ImperialBlether · 15/02/2012 10:35

My neighbours (who I get on with well) have a child at private school who said something similar to my children, ie that she went to private school because her parents cared about her education and that people who go to state schools have parents who don't care. I knew she had heard that from her mum in particular and yes, the result was I distanced myself from them.

Frankly, if someone needs to go to Saturday school every week for two years (as my neighbour's daughter did) to prepare for the 11+, then I think a grammar isn't for them.

When I took the 11+ years ago, we had no preparation at all - I do think that's a bigger test.

ImperialBlether · 15/02/2012 10:36

Oops, realised this is a very old thread!

ranteetheranter · 15/02/2012 10:40

Can I point out Amy Childs (is that her name?) And Kirk from TOWIE are both privately educated..... Enough said I think.

Ooops just saw its an old thread but my point still stands.

IKilledIgglePiggle · 15/02/2012 10:42

Are you in Lincolnshire OP.

LaBoccaDellaVerita · 15/02/2012 10:43

Any pressing reason for bumping a more than 2 year old thread?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 15/02/2012 10:44

Ten year olds say all kinds of crap,your dd has been jerky sensible to recognise that this girl was being a snob and not very nice. I would focus on the brilliant way your dd seems to have handled this. Well done her!

I feel your pain with the 11+ thing. There are lots of children from state schools at my ds's SS grammar school, but it appears that they have all had tutoring of some kind. If I were going to go throughit again I would pay for a private tutor instead of thinking I could do it myself with a few books, because my ds only got in on the waiting list. We only did a few practice papers and looked at possible reasoning techniques to use. Now he is there though, he is coping quite easily with the standard of work, and from what I can gather, he is nowhere near the bottom of the class. I had figured he would be because he got in on the waiting list, Knut I think the fact that he's not shows that there are children there who are still very bright, but we're undoubtably heavily tutored to get in.

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