to not want to spend baby's first Christmas in Norway with OH's family

[FamilarSting]

My OH is Norwegian, and so his family all live in Norway. He annouced today that we have now been officially invited to spend christmas at his sister's.
We discussed christmas some months ago, and decided that we would not be spending it in Norway, (mainly due to the hassle of having a young baby, plane, pram, it being really cold at christmas etc) but would go over around spring 2010.

I told him straight away that we would not be going. It is our first christmas as a family, I want to be at home. His family are all nice enough, but whenever we've been in Norway, after a few days I start to feel really alienated and isolated and kind of abandoned by him (he's not the most supportive or thoughtful of men). There is a language barrier; my Norwegian is ok, as in I have a good idea what the conversation is about, but I'm not confident enough to have a proper conversion, so tend to just sit there smiling - understanding more than I let on, but feeling like a berk.. eventually I switch off and long for the day to end. I must seem really anti-social to them, but I'm not great in the company of people I don't know well, even when we're all fluent in the same language.

This time I'm gonna have an 11 month old to worry about too. She's not exactly an easy baby ie naptimes are often a nightmare and she's a grump if she's tired, and she still wakes up several times a night (and I'll be sleeping in a really small uncomfortable bed with LO who is a loud snorer, which won't help). She's getting better, and like OH said, come christmas she could be a little angel. But I really don't want to take myself out of my comfort zone, surrender all control to OH's family, and potentially become overwhelmed with his interfering relatives whom I don't know well enough to tell to back off. He says I'm worrying about things that havent happened yet, and I know I am; it's what I do.
Despite my possibly irrational concerns, I still don't want to spend my baby's first Christmas in Norway, away from my own family. My parents were planning on going on holiday over christmas, but my Mum convinced my Dad not to as she wanted to spend christmas with her first grandchild.

But then I feel that I'm being a bit selfish, my DD is 6 months old and OH's family haven't even met her yet (they're coming to visit for the first time in September). His mother is 80 and so she may not have many christmases left (I know that sounds awful, she is a pretty spritely lady, though) and I know it would mean a lot to spend christmas with her grandchild.. she has 3 others and 6 great grand children, though.

Anyhow, I told OH "no way" but now I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable and selfish
I appreciate honest opinions, really don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not now...

Ah, nice op response. Not the usual toys out of pram! Like it.

I went to Norway last winter ski-ing, it was beeeyutiful - how lovely that your dc will get to spend time in such a fabbo place.

Just kick your dh into gear and it will be good.

You should go. My DS was 9 weeks old on Thursday 2 July. That day, we flew from Stanstead to Trondheim for my DH's annual family reunion on Sat 4 July. On Sun 5 July, we flew from Trondheim to Oslo. On Fri 10 July, we flew back to London Gatwick. I was absolutely dreading it as DS isn't the most settled of babies.

It all went great. I fed him on landing and takeoff and he was actually asleep for most of the flight(s). Pushchair wise, we used a Quinny Zapp with a maxi cosi carseat (easy to put up and fold down and WAY less bulky than taking a separate pushchair AND carseat) and checked it in at the gate for all of the flights. My MIL was fab and took DS off my hands most of the days we were there. I actually got some proper sleep and (joy of joys!) read TWO books cover to cover. And we're all flying to Oslo this Xmas all over again.

My DH sounds a lot like your OH and all I needed to do was give him a massive kick up the arse little nudge to remind him to be more supportive of me given that I'm hardly what one would call fluent in Norwegian (I definitely know what you mean about 'zoning out'). Frankly, I had no qualms about excusing myself post-mealtimes when it all got a bit too much and no-one batted an eyelid. Trust me, you'll end up using your trip as a well-earned break AND get Heaven Brownie Points for ensuring your DD sees as much of her Norwegian relatives as possible.

Good for you Familiar! The problem with things like this is one set of parents will be disappointed, and you never want it to be yours. I do understand that completely.
Make it clear to your DP that you are doing this for his parents and that as such he should be supportive to your concerns. Good luck.

Definitely easier to go while your dd is a baby and not when she is almost two.

Also if she has bad nights will you be able to go for a nap and therefore get a bit of time to yourself?

I think you should go. Take a good book or something to occupy you if they are speaking Norwegian and entertaining baby. The following xmas will be more fun when baby nearly 2.

I'm a HUGE Norway-o-phile and I'd jump at the chance of a Norwegian Christmas - sorry..(Avoid the lutfisk though...)

It will probably be the easiest Christmas to take her there, when she is still little and adaptable and not needing huge presents to be dragged back and forward...

Have "Faux Christmas" at home with your traditions when you get back...

Seems a bit unfair you wont go to your partners family but will spend time with yours

Familiar sting - if you decide now to go to Norway for Christmas, then your parents have plenty of time to book a holiday at Christmas

I don't think you are unreasonable if you have already discussed it and have come to a decision (this decision you and your husband took back then also involved your parents changing their original plans).

What we did (in earlier times) was alternate Christmas, one year in my home country and the next in the UK with my husband's family, then the year after in my home country and so forth.

Everyone then knows what is going to happen and when.