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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking FIL should have gone into the other room?

38 replies

LissyGlitter · 16/07/2009 14:01

We are currently staying at ILs while we get our new house sorted (should be moving out tomorrow) They have been lovely, if a little OTT. Anyway, today I had a home visit from the midwife (I'm 21 weeks pg). All through the appointment FIL sat in the same room, interrupting me and the midwife talking by making DD tell the midwife things (eg "tell the nice lady your name" when we had established who was who and the midwife had said hi to DD and was in the middle of what looked like a complex bit of paperwork) and volunteering irrelavant bits of information.
Even when the midwife got onto questions about my mental health (which I have had problems with in the past so it was quite likely I would have appreciated some privacy) and the details of the birth, he just sat there, not even pretending to read the paper or anything. AIBU to think he should have at least offered to leave the room, or found something urgent to do with his car or something? I kept trying to catch DPs eye to get him to hint to his dad, and I did say "shall we go into the bedroom or something?" but everyone just ignored me. I felt like some kind of medical exhibit!

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 16/07/2009 14:45

"I really don't think my mental health of the suitability of my vagina for a natural birth is any of my FILs business"

So why didn't you go to another room? If he is anything like my FIL he would have been stuck into his routine of tea and papers at 10, cricket at 11, ham sandwich at 12.30 etc, etc and oblivious of anything else.

Original poster
LissyGlitter · 16/07/2009 14:46

I try not to get embarrased about things like that, really it's just my FIL and my grandad out of everyone I know who I would be embarrassed in front of, and that is mainly because of their reactions if I do something like breastfeed in front of them, or refer to buying a new bra, or anything like that. They are of the generation where things like that are "women's issues" and they get all blustery and embarrassed themselves, so I get embarrassed for them. This time, FIL managed to behave himself, but I was just cringing and waiting for him to make some kind of remark.

This is the man who finds it "disgusting" and "weird" that someone might want to make a cast of their pregnant belly.

OP posts:
belgo · 16/07/2009 15:03

You sound like you are fairly open with your FIL if you know his views on pregnancy belly casts.

I feel sorry for your midwife actually, you let her believe that you were fine with the set up for your appointment then you complain about it afterwards.

crokky · 16/07/2009 15:06

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek I had a midwife visit when my PILs were here (a week after giving birth) - she needed to ask certain stuff so I asked her to come up to the bedroom with me and DD (1 week old).

ILiketoMarmiteMarmite · 16/07/2009 15:11

I am all for being able to breastfeed in front of people and whatever but I don't think my FIL needs to know when I get a new bra. I have no interest in his underwear and don't expect him to be comfortable with mine!

I think it depends a bit on the house - I mean would he have had to have stood awkwardly in the hall waiting for it to be over, etc? But on the whole I think you ought to be able to say cheerfully ok let's get started, would you mind buzzing off now?

Never heard of inspecting the premises before! I would tell a mw where to go tbh if she said she didn't think my house was up to scratch.

juuule · 16/07/2009 15:13

YABU.

You should have gone somewhere more private if you felt uncomfortable. Or asked your FIL if he minded giving you some privacy (leave the room).

GColdtimer · 16/07/2009 15:15

But Lissy, none of that explains why you just didn't go into another room.

Original poster
LissyGlitter · 16/07/2009 15:20

I didn't want to seem rude

OP posts:
juuule · 16/07/2009 15:25

Very polite of you. Very comendable. BUT now you know that in future you need to speak up for yourself.

FioFio · 16/07/2009 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GColdtimer · 16/07/2009 15:40

Well, perhaps he didn't want to seem rude by leaving

DesperateHousewifeToo · 16/07/2009 15:41

How wierd of your fil to not leave but also that your dh was happy for him to be there too! I would make sure you accompany fil to his next prostate exam

I would also have gone into the bedroom/kitchen instead of just sitting there.

Or maybe you could have asked the midwife to check your piles whilst she was there

zeke · 16/07/2009 16:16

Yes, that is weird.
It is all very well saying that you should have asked for some privacy but I did exactly the same kind of thing when I had just had DS.
FIL and MIL sat inside my cubicle in the hospital, even when the midwife/nurse drew the curtains around to give me some privacy whilst she asked me some questions and helped me out of bed.
I kind of stared at them a bit but they didn't take the hint. I felt like bursting into tears tbh and thankfully just about managed to maintain my dignity getting out of bed (I had a spinal, and this was my first trip on my legs with a short nightie after just giving birth!).
My DS is nearly 5 now and I still feel a bit weird about that. I really wished I had asked them to give me some privacy!

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