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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit scared of this woman?

36 replies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/07/2009 12:05

The other day DH was pulling his (big) van out of a parking space on our road. He accidentally touched the car behind, but didn't get out to check as it was a very light touch. The woman whose car it was came rushing out of her house effing and blinding and so he got out of the van (I was in with DS) to talk to her. He looked at the car with her - not a mark, apologised profusely but she wasn't having it, 'I don't want your effing apology you effing c', as the car wasn't marked we weren't sure what she wanted. Anyway we drove off hoping that she didn't actually live on our (new, very friendly) road. Sadly she does - I was walking up the road today and she was really staring at me, with a very nasty look. She was a big muscular woman, bigger than my DH and she looked like she could have laid him out TBH!

I might be being paranoid (probably am) but she really did look threatening today. I am very worried as my DH has just applied for his ILR and if she had a go at him he'd have a go back (verbally) and I'd hate an incident to jeaopardise his residency. I was wondering whether she might have been a bit racist as well (DH is dark skinned). Racism and threatening behaviour is not something we are used to and I feel a bit unhappy that we seem to have found it in our new street.

BTW I know DH was BU to have tried to drive off without checking - but it was a tiny touch, we could tell no harm was done. Also - either her car or the one in front was parked after he parked as the space was much smaller than when he parked.

Tell me I'm being silly please?

OP posts:

DrEvil · 17/07/2009 16:29

I'm not sure there are any circumstances that would make me say to my new neighbours 'fuck of you fucking cunt', especially the non- damage of a car!

Don't take any parcels in for the psycho-loon in future!

Fault on both sides but if she won't accept an apology what exactly does she want? A new car, her weight in chocolate buttons, you to kiss the ground she walks on...?

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/07/2009 23:28

Lol!
That would have been a lot of chocolate buttons!

I obviously pushed some buttons here re bumping the car and not stopping. Like I said - I have touched the bumpers of cars before (accidentally) and not stopped because that's the point of bumpers - to protect cars. I agree it's rude to drive off but hey - there was no damage, and we knew there was no damage. A straight reverse into a car isn't going to do any damage if done very slowly.

My AIBU was about how sweary and aggressive she was. I'm surprised at the numbers of people who think she was justified - justified in being angry but 'get fucked, I don't want your apology you fucking cunt' is not a normal reaction to a genuine apology and to continue being aggressive two days later is weird. That's why I wondered if she was being racist - but probably not - she's probably just an aggressive person.

OP posts:

newgirl · 17/07/2009 23:38

one easy way to resolve it is for your dh to leave a card under the wiper of her car and say something along the lines of 'im sorry i bumped your car, and very relieved it is ok. all best wishes, fred smith at no 24'

of course she over-reacted, but she probably wouldnt if he had made an apology at the time. for the sake of your wellbeing, it would be good to be the peacemakers

tootiredtothink · 18/07/2009 00:06

How did you 'know' there was no damage - you didn't get out the check until you were challenged!

For that reason alone you are in the wrong.

Yes, I too have touched bumpers and have had no damage. However, I have also driven a larger car (although smaller than a van), and done some damage by 'touching' a bumper.

She was swearing and aggressive because of your actions - until you acknowledge that you were in the wrong you will not be able to acknowledge that she had the right to be pissed off that you were about to do a hit and run!!!

YABVU

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 18/07/2009 07:26

He did make an apology at the time - as soon as she made herself known he apologised.

We knew there was no damage because it was a soft touch to the bumper. I don't know how it could have caused any damage actually.

Yes, he should have stopped and checked there was no damage, but given that he was sure ther wasn't any, and there wasn't, it didn't seem worth it at the time. Wrong obviously, people should abviously check even if they are sure as you never know. She did have the right to be pissed off. I'm sure I would have been too if it had happened to me.

OP posts:

qwertpoiuy · 18/07/2009 07:28

I wouldn't like to see her reaction if she got up one morning and found her wing mirrors on the ground and a few dents on the car as a result of being kicked in by vandals - it happened to my work colleague.

She's harbouring all that anger over a little bump that caused no damage.

HerBeatitude · 19/07/2009 15:59

"She was swearing and aggressive because of your actions"

No, she was swearing and aggressive because she is a savage. Normal people just don't behave like that over a bump, followed by an apology.

ray81 · 19/07/2009 16:40

I think your DH should have gotten out to check the car regardless of how light the touch was it is just courtesy. However i do thin she completely overreacted to the situtaion, i could understand if there had been damage but with no damage and an apology it was her that was being unreasonable.
And i do not believe that your actions caused her behaviour, the only person that controls that is herself. Yes she had a right to be upset and alittle pissed off but she should have been an adult about it and voiced that in a reasonable manner not by shouting and screaming.
I realy dont understand how some people think that shouting, screaming and swearing at another person is reasonable, that should never happen regardless of what they have done.

She sounds like she may have anger management issues

Ripeberry · 19/07/2009 16:56

Sorry, but it's the van! Why does it have to be so big anyway? Vans like that should not be parked on residential streets and some may perceive that van owners are generally anti-social anyway.
In all the streets i've lived in, the van owners have always been moaned about.

Ripeberry · 19/07/2009 16:57

And the neighbour is a loon!

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 19/07/2009 18:17

Why shouldn't he have a big van? It's big because he does market trading and sometimes festivals, we also drive to his home country and sleep in it on the way. There isn't really anywhere else to park it it's all residential round here, should he rent a garage 3 miles away when there is free on street parking here? It's not like the road is ever full, there is plenty of parking. He's not anti-social at all, he's a good driver, and when she was yelling at him myself and our baby were clearly sitting in the van, not your typical van man at all! (and it's a nice red colour, not white )

Oh and her vehicle wasn't a car, it was a minivan, so ner :-P

OP posts:

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