ANY INFO WOULD BE GRATEFUL

[mummylou85]

Right I think way too much. I know some people will be against me but I must add I am on benefits now but before my daughter I worked every hour I could and would again but I find being there for my daughter more important at the mo. I ahve no family or friends to look after my little girl she is nearly4. my ex her dad bothers when it suits him but he cant be trusted even the courts give him supervised contacts anyway when child is 7 new government laws meaning having to come off income support and go on job seekers. Iam totally stressing.

option one

even though ex cant be trusted and I will never forgive him for what he did to me and my daughter I could have a baby at least when that child is 7 mine will be a teen so could be easier although thats given my teen too much responsibility and I will be in worse position cause insted of having one to worry about I will have two. I am very doubtful gonna meet anyone else I don't go anywhere my life revolves around my little girl.

option two
just go on job seekers. is there set amount of time you can be on job seekers??? I know you have to go on courses etc.. my friend is going on 13 week course at mo which I wouldn't mind but what if this course aint in school time or signing on makes it impossible to pick up my daughter from school. so many worries.

option three
I want to go to college and do child care and be a nursery teacher. if I go to college when she is 6 and it's 2 year course would I stay on income support until my course is finished. I want to wait until she is 6 to amke sure she is settled in school. even starting this course gives me worries as alot of work experience involved which means aint always available to pick her up from school and don't want to rely on her father. if she has school reports or trips he is type to hide info from me. everything competition.

am I stupid stressing. I just want to be there for my daughter. if I find a job in school hours which is unlikely. what happens if my daughter is ill or school holidays. i know other single mums manage but I have knowone and dont want childminder, couldn't afford one anyway. arghhh

Things may begin to seem a bit easier once your DD is at school. Its hard to see a way ahead when they are so young.

It will get easier.

Child tax credits and working tax credits are very good and will allow you to work 16+ hours.

Working part time is a very good option for single parents (well all parents really) as you get the best of both worlds. You are able to do school runs but also not be totally reliant on benefits. I know its not always possible but I you can - do, it changed my life for the better.

I remember waking up in a cold sweat worrying about school holidays when my kids were still babies and I had a partner (admitedly a bit of a crap one - he has improved now though).

You have got time to improve you skills and get some qualifications. The way I look at it is the better qualified, the more experience, the better the job, the better the pay = the less hours I can work.

FFS dont have another baby it will make things a hell of a lot harder.

Don't have another baby with your ex. Don't have a baby just to keep your benefits. By all means have another baby if you really want one and have a suitable father lined up.

When you sign on JSA you tell them what hours you are prepared to work and you don't have to look for work outside those hours. This is reviewed each 6 months.

There is no reason why you couldn't work in school hours. There are plenty of agencies that have shifts 8-2 or 9-3. If not, after school clubs are great (I have worked in two and the children loved them).

If you are at college I highly doubt you will have to go on JSA. Even if you do you can specify the hours you can't work due to college and they won't make you quit college to get a job.

Having another baby to stay on benefits is a silly idea. What happens when that one turns 7 and you are 7 years older with no more experience? Have another one?

My advice would be to get on a course and get yourself some qualifications and make something of yourself.

Wanting whats best for your child would surely mean not having more kids so you can spend less time with her and end up in your 40's with nothing but a load of kids you had just to stay on benefits and regrets that you did nothing with your life.

OMG I despair that there is even a CHOICE to have another baby to enable someone to stay on benefits. This is why there should be NO extra benefit money paid to anyone who conceives a baby whilst already on benefits.

Oh leave her alone. We all have stupid ideas in the middle of the night when we cant think straight.

Not all of us have the benefit of a good education, upbringing and friends and family either.

She didnt say she was going to do it. She came on here, was honest and asked for help.

By all means tell her its a bad idea but dont get all Daily Mail on her arse

YANBU!

I haven't read through all the posts here so excuse me if I'm repeating anything.

I am in a very similar situation to yours and I think other people just don't get it.

I even understand what you are saying about option one; although I do think you should rule that out! It is so tempting to want to keep life the way it is.

I think it's appalling that this country does so little for stay at home mums, from the single ones on benefit to the ones in couples who can afford childcare. There is a stigma attached, as though you are lazy, when all you want to do is give your little ones the love and attention they need.

The reduction from 16 years to 7 years old is completely ridiculous as far as I'm concerned. Ok, so we don't need to be at home all the time while our kids are at school, but being there to drop them off and pick them up is a really valuable role (I'm not saying it's less so with a CM but I do think that there should be a choice.) Personally I think the reduction should have been 12 years old.

I think your thoughts about being a nursery teacher are really positive. Is your DD going to nursery in September? Maybe you could be a parent helper once a week to get some experience, and then do a course part time while she is at nursery? You could also look in to being a Teaching Assistant, the only problem with this is that the hours are pro rata (so that if you work 20 hours a week in term time, it averages at less than 16 hours a week over the year so you would still not be working enough according to the government! You would have to work 21 hours and 20 mins a week during term time for it to count as 16 hours a week overall.)

I have tried finding out about what the rules are on training when you are on income support but the staff at the jobcentre plus aren't that knowledgeable on that, they do try to help though and have been able to give me useful numbers (like the number for a training college). I think it depends what training you do.

I feel for you, especially when faced with the attitude that some people have. It's not easy on your own, it's not easy making these decisions on your own either.

And the "everyone has to do it" argument doesn't wash with me, everyone has to do a lot of things, doesn't make it right!

For me personally, I am going to start work when DS is 5, so that I don't have to worry how many hours I do, and I am going to do my very best to find a job that will start after I've dropped him off and finish before I pick him up. Ideally I will be a Teaching Assistant at his school, and then it wont be such a big deal if I take half an hour out to watch his school play etc.

Then I've got 2 years to gradually build up my hours so that I get the right life/work balance for me and my son.

Good luck to you x

thank you very much for some replies. havent got internet at home and with holidays havent had chance to come online x

depending on where you live some areas of the UK really support lone parents to get qualifications and back to work. They get free or subsidized (means tested) council nursery places if you're working or studying. Once you're dd is at school you'll find other mums in your position. In our school a few mums work as p/t c/m doing school drop offs and pick ups for other working parents and you have the security of knowing that person. Our school recently set up a breakfast club and there is talk of a after school club which all helps if you are working.

I just read through this and

With as much respect as I can muster for this situation...why should you be any different to all other working mums?
I think a few people on here said exactly the right thing in response, so there is not much more I can say.

Having another baby (and you have described your reasons for doing so in a such a delightful way) is a strange solution. What makes you think you wont worry when the new baby is 7? You would be in the same situation you are in now, but with two!

Benefits should not be a lifestyle choice: period.

There are loads of jobs you can do that would be flexible for your child's school hours-

I used to be a manager of a Mcdonalds- lots of ppl are really dismissive of it but it is a good career - my DP manages one and is on 30k + car and good pension and private health care. They are currantly doing an apprentaship scheme and any employee is given the oppertunity for promotion. Yes there is a really ignorant streiotype of the kind of employee who works there but it's not true. I know for sure my fella is recruiting and older people with family commitments are seen as desirable - due to a need to earn, mature outlook and reliability.

Anyway enough about the advert, i think another child is not the answer. Volunteering for experience is also a really great idea.

mummylou - Have you discussed these issues with the job centre at one of your work focused interviews? That is what the WFI is for?

I think generally though as long as you are 'taking steps towards work' from when your dc is 7 you should be fine. It would be much better to be thinking about how you can build a career around your DC if it is important to you. Perhaps you could qualify as a teacher or a teaching assistant?

You know you shouldn't contemplate having a baby for benefits, you'll be no better off anyway as a 14 year old couldn't take enough responsibility for a 7 year old that it would enable you to work from then anyway and you'd be committing yourself and your children to a life of claiming benefits, which you know is not fantastic.

This makes me so angry.

I totally agree with Pippa251. benefits should never be a lifestyle choice. What are you teaching your daughter?? There's no need to work because someone else (ie people like me the tax payer) will pay for me to sit on my backside doing nothing!

I am a single parent of two. I still work every hour that god sends to support my kids because I had them and they are MY responsibility not anyone elses. they are extremely happy children and love after school because they get to play with their friends. Unfortutuately some of the money I earn goes to YOUR child because you lack any responsbility to get off your backside and support them!

Sooooooo angry

I suggest you find a rich man, let him keep you and your DD, then you won't have to contemplate the idea of work, which you seem to find so unpleasant.

Alternatively, look at it that you've had 4 years at home paid for by the state, be grateful for that, and go & take some action to some training or qualifications asap, rather than sitting around for another 3 years.

If your daughter is ill, you manage. Most of us have to do that already. I am a single parent, I have no parents or siblings, and none of my friends are in a position to assist with childcare. I have worked full time since my DC were babies - because I had a mortgage to pay, and because I didn't consider benefits to be anything more than an emergency measure.