Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to want to go away for a few days after hernia op and not be there for when dh's entire extended family stay?

14 replies

HoneyDue · 15/07/2009 17:09

3 generations of my dh's extended family are coming to stay for 4 days (2nd cousin's grandparents, parents, and 2 ds age under 12).

I met them once many years ago, they speak good english, dh and dc have stayed with them before (not me as pg at the time so could not fly out)

I am dreading all the cleaning, cooking, looking after, have also my own 3 dc and op just over a week before they come.

I was in agony after 1st op so this is 2nd. Should I just go and stay with my parents for the duration and so have a relaxing child free hol being looked after instead?

OP posts:

foofi · 15/07/2009 17:13

Yes - go to your parents!

GrapefruitMoon · 15/07/2009 17:14

Was their visit planned before your op? Do they know about it? Maybe they are expecting to look after you and your dcs while you recover.... if not I don't think it's reasonable for you to do all the work but then it might look a bit rude if you totally disappear - are your parents near enough that you can pop back to meet up with them during the day? or is there any other family they could stay with?

Laquitar · 15/07/2009 17:15

Wow, You must have a huge house

And i thought i have big extended family and many guests!

Original poster

HoneyDue · 15/07/2009 17:33

yes, visit was planned before op, yes have a big house, they could not stay with anyone else, parents live 350 miles away.

OP posts:

Frasersmum123 · 15/07/2009 18:28

Have you told them about the op? Maybe if you told them they might change their minds.

If not, go and stay with your parents, why should you run around after his family after you have had an operation?

mumblechum · 15/07/2009 18:50

I think you have to tell them about the op, and either get your dh to do everything or hire a cleaning team to give the house a good going over the day before they arrive, change the beds etc and also get a Waitrose delivery of stuff you can just bung in the oven.

mumblechum · 15/07/2009 18:50

And then bugger off to your parents

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/07/2009 20:35

mumblechum - loving your cleaner and Waitrose oven food suggestion!

Get DH to chat to them about your op and your need to rest. If they come and help then everyone's happy but if not, pack your bags and head to your parents.

Maybe think about things your DH and/or DCs can do with them during the day so they're out and about, and not needing lunch at your house. Maybe they could cook a few authentic meals too leaving you/DH with a couple of meals to bung in the oven.

Good luck

Original poster

HoneyDue · 15/07/2009 22:05

Just the mere thought of all that work makes me want to swoon and no, can't afford cleaners. I am lucky in that the op has been brought forward but I don't even want to worry about them I just want to recover in peace.

They didn't see me last time (as pg)and so want to see me but when you have so many staying I will feel hugely responsible, even if they offer to help out. I am anxious already.

I would so like to bugger off to the seaside where my parents live. I would have a guilty conscience about it though.

OP posts:

unavailable · 15/07/2009 23:48

I thought your parents were coming to look after you - have you given up on the fags and baileys? Welll done

oldnewmummy · 16/07/2009 04:44

Absolutely 100% go away and rest!

I too had a second hernia op, 3 months ago. I have a 2.5 year old so although I don't pick him up and carry him some degree of constant straining as he cuddles, pulls etc is inevitable and I'm still in constant pain and think I always will be. Thinking of trying accpuncture.

So rest for as long as you can.

Original poster

HoneyDue · 16/07/2009 12:33

Unav,yes parents are coming up for 2 days for the op but due to go back home. Then a week later dh's relatives arrive (would have no room for my parents too)

OP posts:

Laquitar · 16/07/2009 14:40

Tbh i think it is rude to go. Also if you go are you taking your dcs with you?

I think they will try and be helpful as you will be post op. And it is only 4 days not 2 weeks so it doesn't worth to fall out with them.

You said it is the cleaning and cooking that you are dreading and you cannot afford cleaner. Well then dh will have to do a cleaning the day before.

As for cooking, my top tip for when i have family from abroad is : 'oh i was going to cook but then i thought is not fair on you to come to uk and not try fish and chips' . They love it. Another day dh can cook and one eve his relatives. Or when your mum comes could she make something and keep it in the freezer?

Original poster

HoneyDue · 16/07/2009 17:23

Yes I agree it would be rude to go and I've told dh he has to tell his relatives I'm post op so they will just have to muck in

Like the idea about fish and chips. Will also freeze lasagne, shepherd's pie now while I'm able then dh can put it in the oven

OP posts:

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread