to be feeling a little sniffy as one of DS's school friends just said

[randomtask]

'that's the first nice thing anybody has said to me' after DS (aged 8) complemented him on something he did well.

DS's friend (for the sake of ease I'll call him Tom) has a form of epilepsy, can't eat dairy, loves singing and dancing and is generally a little 'different' from the boys in his class. He only joined the school 6 months ago and the class bully has torn him apart. It's got the point where the teachers told his Mum to move him and she refused to as the bully would just pick on someone else. Tom is also (according to DS) a little 'slow' so the whole class get annoyed with him. Recently it's only been the bully that's nasty but we've been worried for a while due to what DS tells us. We've been hoping DS would become friends with him and DS invited him to his birthday party (we didn't want to push it though so it was his choice). Two boys in his class asked 'why would you want Tom to come to your party' which I thought was really cruel and DS replied 'because I like him'. DS is normally quite quiet but does like to support the under dog as it were. We've also recently found out that Tom has a social worker as his parents split up and he struggled with that.

I'm a proud Mummy but feel really sad that an 8 year old could feel nobody says anything nice to him.

You sound like a lovely mum too. There's many a mum at my children's school that would steer their children away from the class under-dog

Tom sounds very much like my ds. he doesn't have the epiliepsy but because he has asd he is very difficult to be friends with.

I would be overjoyed if he managed to find someone like your ds to play with.
he sounds lovely and you should be very proud.

i think the rest of the parents should start making complaint sabout the bully. why should the victim of bullying be told to leave? unless the school are simply using this as a way of encourgaing a move because the school cannot manage Tom anymore?

How on earth can teachers expect a victim to move and not the bully???????!!!!!!!!!???????????????????!!!!!!! They should be sacked and someone with common sense and balls should be hired.
Oh and I'd be proud too your son sounds so so lovely

You know what I really feel sad about in your post?

That it's accepted that there is a bully - he even has his own little lable 'The School Bully'.... not every school has to have a bully...

Parents need to all pull together & get rid of the bullying. It was nice to invite the lad over for tea, but would be even nicer if the bullying could stop & he could become a proper, normal little friend, not someone you feel your son should shield from a bully (Not that you do feel that, just saying, wouldn't it be nice to say XX & XX are friends, not XX has invited XX over to play as we feel sorry for him - the 'school bully' is horrendous to him.'

Some schools have had success with peer groups being responsible for dealing with bullies - class councils and things like that, can't remember the formal names they use for it.

But they train up some of the kids in each form that are interested and then other kids can report the bullying to them and they can help to mete out punishment to the offenders... minimal teacher involvement, just overseeing. Even at this sort of age, kind of gets all the children involved in understanding what bullying is, why it is bad and stopping it.

Sounds like the sort of thing your little boy would be fab at, might be worth suggesting to the school as a proactive thing to do with the bullying that you are aware is taking place.

There are probably lots more MNetters that will be able to give you details if you are interested!

The school are great on everything but bullying. DH is a governor and when we knew about a bullying incident last year, he mentioned it at a governors meeting. He was told he was too involved to discuss it as the Mum had spoken to him. .

We told the teachers at the last parents evening that we weren't happy about the bully and that DS was worried about it, especially the effect it was having on Tom. They said DS would be a good friend for Tom and we should encourage it, but we wanted DS to make up his own mind which he's obviously done. As the school (seem to) be finally dealing with it we're leaving it til after the summer holidays. If it continues (with a different teacher) then we have a long list of things that DS has told us about the bully and not just with Tom. The bully comes from a family where the parents don't seem to understand their children but as they're 'very nice' and help with PTA, I don't think the school want to admit there's a problem. Incidentally, the bully's brother is lovely .

When Tom's Mum picked him up last night she seemed relieved it had gone so well. Tom likes singing, does tap, ballet and jazz dancing as well. I think he just doesn't have the same interests which makes it harder for him to play. DS sometimes asks him to join in their games at school and Tom just isn't interested. I think he'll always be a 'different' child, it's just whether he can learn to join in or whether he's happy doing his thing as long as no-one bullies him.

DS is (hopefully) going over to Tom's to play in the holiday [fingers crossed emoticom]

What a lovely little boy you have - hope my DS turns out to be as wonderful. Have just finished reading Raising Boys, and it sounds like you are doing a great job .

Agree that the school is rubbish for not dealing with the bullying. No wonder Tom feels like nobody is on his side.

I also had epilepsy as a child, but not until secondary and happily I grew out of it. It was triggered by bullying at school which was never really dealt with effectively.

Nothing constructive to add, but sounds as if you are already dealing with this whole situation brilliantly.

Your DS is a special kid, RandomTask. It takes a lot to be able to say, "I'm going to do this even though everyone else is doing something else and may tease me for it,"

Good for him. You should be very proud. And of yourself too because he's clearly got these values from somewhere.......

Let's hope life gets a lot easier for Tom too and that the rest of the class realise that the bully doesn't hold that much power over them.

I dread the bullying issue. It's my dread that MY children could be bullies...........I'd come down on them like a ton of bricks.

What a sensitive and sensible boy you have

You should be very proud of ds. He might make all the difference - having just one person who makes friends with the bullied child and stands up to the bullies can be so important.