to be annoyed at dh for treating his children differently

[silverfrog]

dh has 2 (now adult) children form his first marriage.

we (dh and I) both agree that dh's ex treats them very differently, and dh doesn't like it

eg dh's ex gives dss a lot more pocket money than dsd (dsd has to earn her own); dsd didn't get a party for her 18th, but dss is having one; dsd doesn't get the same amount spent on clothes etc as dss. it goes on really. yes, none of our business on one level, but we can't help but notice (althuogh admit maybe dsd gets other stuff, not as noticeable).

it is now dss's 18th. dh is off to the party tonight.

dsd got (from us) a cheque for her 18th (as requested)

dss is getting a cheque (same value) and also a piece of family jewellary too.

I think this is unfair, and treating them differently.

dh says it isn't unfair as he didn't have a piece of family jewellary to give dsd, and so would ahve to have bought something thus spending more on dsd which would have been unfair.

I say ti is the principle of the gifts, not the fact that dss's is a hand-me-down so to speak. I mean, dh has, at some point bought it, so it did cost something, even if that cost is not as of now.

so, AIBU? or is dh?

I think your dh is! Unless your dsd has also been given a piece of family jewellry

I think the passing on of the jewelery is okay. Obviously your dh wants to pass it to his son, so why not when the boy turns 18? It's nice. Dsd will probably get her mother's jewelery, so it evens out.

As long as you and your dh are always even and fair between them I don't see wy it's a problem.

The stuff about their mother is irrelevant to this issue.

Not sure if she will huffardly as isn't ops point that dsd being hard done by? And it does seem harsh but difficult to see what else you can do apart from say something which you have.

Not sure if she will huffardly as isn't ops point that dsd being hard done by? And it does seem harsh but difficult to see what else you can do apart from say something which you have.

Maybe he could hold onto the jewellery until he gets married or has kids?

only added the stuff about their mother to give background as to why I am so annoyed that dh is treating dscs differentl, as he has always pointed out (and been annoyed at) similar behaviours.

I can see that dsd might get family stuff from her mother. but that is not to say that she shouldn't get something form her father. it obv won't be a hand-on (although she will, over time get bits of mine if she wants them, which I think she will as we have a good relationship).

my point was that dh should be treating them the same, not trusting to hope that between him and his ex things will even out, and by doing what he is doing, he isn't.

I can totally see why dh is passing on jewellary. It is a lovely thing to do. But my point is he could have got dsd something nice for her 18th. you know, the memorable present bit, which is what dss is getting along with his "wanted" (for want of a better term) present of cash.

well, that's it, Frizbe, I can't see why both have to be given now, on this day.

or if they do have to be (in dh's mind) why it was ok to NOT get sthg heirloomy for dsd.

well, he has set off for the party anyway, so it is entirely up to him what he does (which of course it is anyway, as they are his children)