my mothers comments about my messy house!!

[6inchnipples]

Dp and i are going to get married in a few months.

We moved house last year(because of his job)to a 2 bed cottage from a 4 bed bungalow with ample room. So we have lots of big furniture, 2 dogs and 3 kids squeezed in to our (much loved) little cottage. Its hard to keep it tidy as the kids (all under 5) make dens and paint, play etc all day.

I also have terrible episodes of backache, having one currently so unable to make too much effort with the tidying but still keeping reasonably on top of things considering. personally i feel as long as kids happy and looked after the mess not too much of a worry.

Anyway wedding dress arrived, my mum desperate to see it and have me mail pic to her. My friend here at time so qiuckly got into dress, her baby and mine climbing all over train crying to be picked up, older kids running in from garden with mucky feet hands etc, needless to say it was a quick snap.

My mum emails me back ' take a pic standing on a chair with none of that mess behind you, i didn't show that to any of the girls in the office because the place was such a state behind you'

I had joked to my friend that she'd say 'you might have tidied up first' but that was far worse. I'm so pissed off.

However later that night, and because i wasn't sure about dress i took another pic with hair and make up done etc i mailed her that too feeling it looked much better.

She rings me when she gets it and says 'i think dress is lovely, I showed it to some of the girls, Sarah pointed out you can see the ironing board in the background'

FFS!!!

WTF????

I was less patient at this point as back killing me so i told her 'tell Sarah to get a feckin life'

I'm so annoyed and pissed off and flabbergasted. I didn't ask for comments on my house, the pic was because my mum wanted to see how the dress looked not for her work mates to criticise (sp?) my home.

AIBU or is my sore back making me hypersensitive??

Agree with shineon - ignore. To engage will do no good. I'm guessing that she will then be 'upset' by you challenging her. Either that or just go to another room ('Ooh, must check on the food in the oven' 'Ooh, is that the doorbell?') every time she starts.

Thanks shineon appreciate your advise.

lilac similar in age altho my mum turned 60 last year. Its obviously a mother daughter thing.

eighties great idea, next time she pisses me off on the phone i'm going to quickly say 'got to go kids are shouting on me' or similar, i'm sure she'll get the message.

If she doesn't i may just say 'seeing as you are obviouly in a critical mood i'll go before you offend me ' that'll get the message home i'm sure

really mothers can be complete twits. Mine would hardly notice any mess but she is a loon in other ways...

I've learnt to laugh idiotic comments off or I do tell her to stop being ridiculous if necessary and I have developed a way of saying so I don't get the major sulk as well.

Grit your teeth and try not to care.

Why do they feel the need? My house is tiny and my dp is a bit of a clean freak so it is usually pretty tidy but not show roomy. She comments if the rug is squint, if the towels don't match in the toilet (everyone has lots of coloured towels right??) If ds is playing with toys and he takes something else out without putting previous away she will comment on that.
It makes me not visit her, because i feel too scared to move, Everything is perfect and has it's own place - scary.
She does have issues though, i'm sure, she is forever tidying and cleaning.
She is also a size 8 - 10 and is always talking about being on a diet and comments on anyone over that size (including me). I heard her just yesterday when on the phone to someone from work who has been off ill with a bug saying ' well at least you would have lost weight'. I am sure it's related!

I don't have any advice though, i try and avoid my mum because of it, but i don't think you should do that. If she is someone who you can talk to, then def a mother - daughter talk!

yanbu.

My Mum is always telling me my house is a mess. She is completely OCD about her house so it always looks pristine.

I always tell her that as long as it's not dirty, it doesn't matter, but I do find her comments hurtful sometimes so YANBU.

prammymammy.... i think we have the same mum!!!!!
im feeling really unwell at the moment, and all she can say is your house is a tip, and at least you will lose some weight, as i have lost my appetite!!!!
gee, thanks mum. soooooooo considerate and helpful
to op, i know how you feel, you are not alone honey. have a splendid wedding day xxx

We must all be sisters! That's MY mother you're describing!

After one too many remarks about my housekeeping when my DSs were 2 and 4 I reminded her she'd had SERVANTS (colonial Africa, dahling!) when DB and I were that age!

My mother also smokes like a chimney and once, when she'd remarked AGAIN about how the DSs' were a bit grubbioly dressed on a visit to hers, I SAID it because I sent them in clothes that needed washing as I had to wash them ANYWAY every time they returned from there!

Lead balloon but touche!

My mum's exactly the same! These are the things that seem to irritate her:-

Children's art work blue-tacked up on the wall, (that's due to be repainted anyway so I didn't see a problem with letting them do that!)

Lego building projects on the dining room table, (well surely that's better than lego all over the floor!)

Waste paper bin by computer more than half full,

Bath toys still in bath, even if she calls round early morning when my two have only just had their baths!

Used crockery standing in the kitchen, waiting to go into dishwasher when emptied,

general boisterousness of the children when they first come in from school, (I think my mum would rather they came straight in and read a book!)

It's obviously a generation thing, but I realise I'm not as relaxed in my own home when Mum is around, and I think my two pick up on that as their behaviour is definitely worse when she's here, which initiates yet more comments from her about things being different in her day, etc!