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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why having a stairgate is such a bad thing????

85 replies

LoveBeingAMummy · 09/07/2009 15:57

OK, moving on quickly from this being a thread about a thread , HOWEVER why is having a stairgate seen as a negitive thing? I don't get it, really, why would you not have one?

OP posts:
Bumperslucious · 09/07/2009 19:44

All the safety things I have bought have mostly been so I can MN in peace-- to make my life easier. We have a stairgate and we live in a flat, but like another poster it is mostly to keep DD out when I am cooking, and so I don't need cupboard locks on the kitchen sink cupboard. When she goes into a bed it will be going on her door to stop her wondering around the flat.

I don't think people who have child safety stuff are PFB, even though we don't use most of it ourselves, but I do really resent the people who think that it is as simple as 'just telling them no' (not on here specifically, just in general) I find that as much a slur on my parenting as the 'omg you don't have a toilet lock?' comments.

CyradisTheSeer · 09/07/2009 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheProvincialLady · 09/07/2009 20:42

I have the most steep, lethal staircase ever. At the bottom is a brick floor and there is also a wall for good measure. I have stairgates at the top and bottom and I will be keeping them long after the judging commences.

It's not just the safety-conscious judging the feckless though. I have a friend who revels in making letting her children do things before most people think it safe. I think she gets some sort of satisfaction from being able to say that her children don't need stairgates/safety locks etc. Good luck to her - but I would prefer that my children didn't knock themselves unconscious or get taken to A&E repeatedly having taken medicines like hers.

ravenAK · 09/07/2009 20:50

I don't have stairgates.

My SIL does - at her house yesterday I a) stubbed my toe on it dislodging a chunk of nail b) did a weird staggery half-step thing at shock of nail-whack, thereby catching my instep on it & leaving a big black bruise & c) reeled backwards shouting 'FUCKFUCKFUCKTHATHURT' & gouged another enormous black bruise - this time on my arse.

Fortunately it was at the bottom of the stairs or no doubt I'd've finished the performance by breaking my neck.

Damn things are dangerous.

aendr · 09/07/2009 20:56

No idea about stairgates, but socket covers can cause more danger than they prevent, see www.fatallyflawed.org.uk/index.html

(I plan to use a stairgate to keep a crawler out of the hob/kettle/sink walk area of the kitchen while I do hot stuff; my kitchen layout is designed for that.)

Frasersmum123 · 09/07/2009 21:01

We have one at the top and bottom of our stairs, we got them recently as DS2 cannot go up the stairs confidently, especially from the top (he is ASD and has trouble with balance/walking)

We never had one with DS1 as we didnt need it and he was fine

Ewe · 09/07/2009 21:05

You know sometimes you read things on here and want to scream WHO THE FUCK CARES?

I'm thinking the stairgate issue is creating a lot of this feeling.

Thus far this thread has established that people who use them are happy and don't really care what other people do. We have also established people who don't use them don't really care what other people do. To clarify, we're all happy, nobody is saying you should or shouldn't use them.

We do manage to bicker about sweet FA some of the time on here!

Ninkynork · 09/07/2009 21:08
OrmIrian · 10/07/2009 10:09

Indeed ewe. That is because it's a parenting site and so many of us are insecure about the way we do it - so anyone doing it differently is taken as an implied criticism.

Although I didn't realise it had degenerated into a bicker. Not read it all.

Original poster
LoveBeingAMummy · 10/07/2009 10:56

OK folks just to clarify was only asking as the other thread seemed to really look down on them and just honestly wanted to know why. It had never entered my head not to have them.

My DD like most is fearless, yesterday deciding to walk down the slide at softplay whilst also leaning forward as if wanting to fall on her head, (maybe looking for some excitement that she cdoesn't get at home due to the stairgates!)

OP posts:
insertwittynicknameHERE · 10/07/2009 10:57

We have a stairgate at the kitchen door to keep the dogs in the kitchen lol. But we don't have one on the stairs as we have a door at the bottom of our stairs and we shut DD's bedroom door at night, she cant open it (I can barley open it TBH ) My dad is having to make us one to go at the top of our stairs as we cant buy one to fit (we have odd stairs lol)

We also have a room divider (play pen which doubles as room divider) across the middle of our front and back open plan living rooms. Purely for mine and DH's benefit TBH so we can keep DD in one room while we tidy the other from the bomb that DD lets off with her toys lol.

bumpsoon · 10/07/2009 11:30

I have never used stairgates ,never felt the need to .BUT i have no issue with anyone else using them ,their house ,their rules . If i moved house or my next child is unable to understand the complexities of navigating stairs safely then i may well change my mind .

bumpsoon · 10/07/2009 11:31

Think i have a splinter in my posterior from sitting on this fence

flaime · 10/07/2009 12:15

We had a stairgate as ours is an upside down house, so when they ran through the front door and didn't stop they we aiming right at the gap!

After we had taken it down my BF came to stay and said not to put it up as her DD was used to stairs, and half an hour later we heard the thuds and she bounced down head first but luckily was ok.

ManicMother7777 · 10/07/2009 13:23

I think stairgates are fab. My dc are older now, but when they were at the crawling/toddling stage, a stairgate meant we could have a bit of a lie-in knowing they were playing upstairs in safety. Ditto playing downstairs in the day. Stairgates mean that as parents you can relax a bit. Sorry if that makes me a crappy selfish mother! Agree completely OP.

Triggles · 10/07/2009 16:44

We have stairgates everywhere - but DS2 is a runner (and yes, I use the reins as well) and would spend his day running from room to room (he especially likes to turn the faucets on in the bathroom). He's actually fairly sturdy on the stairs, however, he has to pass from his room right by the stairway to get to the toilet, and I wouldn't want him falling down the stairs at night. We didn't have stairgates with DS1 or DD as they weren't "explorers" or "runners" like DS2 is. We have a snap-safety box over one electrical outlet in our front room, only because DS just couldn't seem to leave it alone. He doesn't bother with any others for some unknown reason. And I have drawer latches on each and every drawer in his dresser and wardrobe, as the little stinker likes to open them and take ALL his clothing out and toss is on the floor (he's almost 3) every morning (when he wakes up at 4am) and I am simply tired of picking it up every morning. Something he'll outgrow I hope. lol

devotion · 10/07/2009 16:58

I think its down to your child really.

Our two girls were very different babies and developed faster either physically or their speech.

Our first dd age 6 is a bit of a "Frank Spencer" and only recently after attending gymntastics for half a year has really gained better spacial awareness. When she was a baby she was always falling over and her balance was not the best. She fell down our stairs a few times. So until she perfected the stairs we used a stair gate. Up until about two - bit late probably but we lived in a spilt level flat so she was always going up and down. Pkus maybe because she was my first I was more anxious.

With dd2 now three she developed so fast physically but her speech has taken longer and was sitting up unaided 4.5mths. As soon as she could climb she was off and even use to crack s up by doing chin ups on the bathroom sink. So we didnt need a stair gate with her because she was confident crawling up and down stairs.

I have to say that if you do use a stairgate its important you get your child to practice going up and down the stairs and reg check the the screws or grips have not come loose.

piscesmoon · 10/07/2009 16:59

I think they are great-you can't watch them every minute.

Quattrocento · 10/07/2009 17:03

No stairgates here

You can have some if you want

MIAonline · 10/07/2009 17:08

If you need one, you get one. If you don't, then don't get one.

Don't see how it makes you a negligent parent for not having one or a crazy safety freak if you do.

myredcardigan · 10/07/2009 17:21

I guess I just assumed that everyone used them.
I mean I'm genuinely surprised that nobody else worries/worried about their barely 2yr old falling downstairs whilst staggering half asleep to the loo. I mean at 23mths when she started going to the loo at night we had to leave her door wide open as she was covered in bruises getting up and bashing into it as she was sleep dozy.

I honestly couldn't have slept thinking she could get up, not call and slip down the stairs cracking her head on the tiles.

I'd really like to know how other people dealt with this. Happy to hold my hands up and say 'ah ok, that's what I should have done!'

mrsruffallo · 10/07/2009 17:23

myredcardigan-it is your choice based on your child's personality and- to a certain extent- your own

piscesmoon · 10/07/2009 17:27

DS2 had a game when he was about 8months and crawling-he made a bolt for the stairs and I caught him. One day I was too slow and he went head first down them-luckily totally relaxed and unhurt but we were both shocked (I can still see the somersault he did) -I got a stair gate.
They can't be very independent-in the way that myredcardigan mentions without one.

UnquietDad · 10/07/2009 17:31

Well, it enables you to travel through into different spatio-temporal dimensions accompanied by Amanda Tapping, and discover the alien origins behind various mythologies, and...

Oh, sorry. I thought it said Stargate.

As you were...

difficultdecision · 10/07/2009 17:35

We live in a first floor maisonette.

If there wasn't a gate at the top I'd probably fall down one of these days! when your whole house is upstairs and DS toddler, crawls, dashes and lurches past the top of the stairs 100 times a day you need one! We got a kiddyguard roller blind one to slow the climbing stage.

Everyone needs to plan according to their child, their house and their lifestyle.