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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to continue to share parenting when I get home from work?

38 replies

petnik · 09/07/2009 10:41

Ok this is going to be a long explanation. My DH has been a SAHD to our 2.11 DD for the last 15 months and at first everything was great. However just recently I am starting to feel like a single mum when i'm at home as he never wants to come out with me and DD. I work 4 days a week and on my day off I like to take DD out to give DH a break. However he has also stopped coming out with us at weekends saying he wants time to himself. Well wouldn't we all like time to ourselves!

When I get in from work he completely switches off from his parenting role and I am expected to entertain our DD for the 4 hours before she goes to bed including bathing and putting her to bed. He does nothing with her once I am home as he says he is knackered from entertaining her all day. Well I'm a bit knackered too!

AIBU to want him to share the workload when I get home? IMO we have both done a full day at work ad so should share when I'm home. I tried to explain this last night but he just ended up getting really angry and said that if wanted time to myself i shouldn't have had a baby. I kicked off because I had been out with DD all day only coming home for tea. DH started to fall asleep on the sofa as he does most days around 5:00pm cos he doesn't come to bed as he is on the computer until gone 2 in the morning.

I think he is being a dick but what do you all think and how best to broach the subject again do you think?

OP posts:

Feelingoptimistic · 09/07/2009 13:05

Agree with Feelingtired - sounds like he is depressed, etc. and would be better off being at work.

anniemac · 09/07/2009 13:10

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screamingabdab · 09/07/2009 13:19

Agree with Ripeberry

anniemac · 09/07/2009 13:30

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Original poster

petnik · 09/07/2009 14:01

Thanks for all your replies. Think I am probably being a bit unreasonable and so is he. We will have to have a long chat about this and get it sorted.

You lot are so honest and it's bloody refreshing. Also good to hear how you all cope with it and have different ways of doing it. We will have to find our way too.

I'd not thought that DH may be depressed and not likeing being a SAHD. Will have to think and talk about this too.

Thanks

OP posts:

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/07/2009 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 09/07/2009 14:09

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 09/07/2009 14:10

Message withdrawn

bubblagirl · 09/07/2009 15:45

good luck i think we've all been there at some point sahm and sahd feeling they are going stir crazy and not supported by working partner

working partner feeling they shouldn't have to do this or that when they get home it is all down to communication and compromise listening to how each other feel and not dismissing someone else over your own feelings compromise them both

he does sound like he could be depressed its worth looking into and not dismissing its hard for anyone stuck at home but if he hasnt a friends network and other dads or mums to be around he must be very lonely ive been there and its hard

screamingabdab · 09/07/2009 21:04

Very true Bubblagirl

OP. It is very hard not to slip into the "I'm more tired than you" competition with you partner. But well worth sorting out now, especially if you plan to have more DCs, as then it really is all hands on deck

sleeplessinstretford · 09/07/2009 21:37

but being at home is absolutely full on. At least at work you get the commute/lunch/coffee/whatever to do and nobody expects you to get in and quantity survey/plaster walls/whatever your job is in the evening. i do housework but pretty much ditch the baby when he gets in-my idea of a break in the evening is cooking dinner/washing up without having to find something for a dangerous nearly 2 year old to do to keep her out of mischief. even that is a break (FWIW i am in a negative phase of parenting-she screams NO at me about 7 hours a day and i try not to weep at her-it's a lovely phase but at least she has a hobby...)

bubblagirl · 10/07/2009 08:34

does he have a friends network at all?

fizzpops · 10/07/2009 09:11

On the days when I am at home my DH usually isn't home by the time DD goes to bed (and he gets her dressed and takes her to nursery in the morning as I have to leave really early for work). BUT the agreement we have when he does get home before she goes to bed is that we all play together between tea and bathtime and he will then bath her and I will sort out pyjamas and toothbrush and milk as well as dinner and then we can sit down together and have our dinner once she has gone to bed.

The same routine happens at the weekends as well and we take turns looking after her to give the other one a chance to so what they want/ need to do.

I can understand that he wants a break from parenting and tbh I assume that my DH wants to spend time with DD when he gets home (although not on his own for hours with no help). It is family time imo.

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