...to think that a 5 year old (or her parents) should be able to be a bit flexible with mealtimes?

[pigswithfludontfly]

A close friend's dd HAS to have lunch at 12. I invited them over and suggested 1pm and that was apparently too late for her to eat. This has happened a few times and it makes meeting up tricky although it isn't the biggest issue in the world (but hey that's what AIBU is for!)

I used to be a bit like this when ds was a baby but the little girl is five.
If ds is having lunch a bit later than normal I just give him a snack to tide him over.

The little girl concerned does get up very early and the mum's reasoning is this is why she needs lunch early.

But surely by this age, it's normal to have a bit of flexibility? AIBU or a bit mean???

[weegiemum]

We have routine freak friends that we just can't have come to stay in our house any more as it upsets all of us so much!

They wake their children (who are 8, 6, 2) at 7am even on a weekend, even on holidays, breakfast is 7.30, snack is 10, lunch is 12.30 ..... etc and even on holidays/weekdnds bed is 7 for the little one and 7.30 for the bigger ones.

This 'friend' accused me of "letting your dcs upset my dcs" because I let them stay up later ...... mine are a bit older and are never in bed then - 8 on a school night, 9 in holidays /weekends unless we are watching a good movie when it might be (gasp) later! Roughly. Maybe!!

But when I replied that her dcs were waking mine at 7am when mine will normally sleep in to at least 8 on non-school mornings, she got all huffy "well that's the way we always do it"

We have managed to be "busy" if they have been anywhere near here recently.

[SarahL2]

I used to be quite strict with DS's routines but as he gets older, we get more and more flexible. Now he's 2 he can and has waited anything up to 2 hours for meals with snacks to tide him over.

Naps still have to be more or less on time though, between 1 and 2 in the afternoon. I've found that if I try to put him down after 2 he either won't sleep or will still wake up at 3.30 and be grumpy and tired for the rest of the afternoon

AT 5 your friends daughter is not likely to be napping though and a bit of flexibility on meal times wouldn't hurt. Children can't go through thier wholes lives thinking the world revolves around them!

[LupusinaLlamasuit]

Look. It often isn't fascistic. It partly depends not on the parents (I am a hippy lentil weaver at heart) but on the personality and temperament of the kids. Some kids respond better to routine. Some don't.

[giantkatestacks]

Yes I dont like 'hitleresque' and suchlike - think its a bit uncalled for.

And having your meal at aroudn the same time everyday doesnt mean you have a really strict routine going on - it just means that your dcs have breakfast as soon as they get up -6.30-7 o'clock (as do I) and therefore we are going to be ready for lunch at 12pm.

In fact today my ds was hungry for lunch at 11.30 so thats when we had it - if he hadnt been hungry it would have been later.

I will be flexible when we go out and take snacks but its unfair when you go to someones house and they delay the meal indefinately cos they are relaxed about such things and then your dcs 'misbehave' and get judged for it because their blood sugar has dropped etc.

[minxofmancunia]

If you're going to someones house to stay for a meal it's courteous to be flexible and bend a bit to fit in with them within reason, an hour either side is within reason you can gives dcs snacks to tide them over an early lunch and then a snack lunch at friends house, it's rude to impose your way of doing things whehn you're a guest.

My friend previously mentioned had to have her dc in bed bang on 7.00pm everynight, he was often up 6.30-7.00pm, when in OUR house that meant dd was woken up early too (she'll often sleep til 8.00pm or later at weekends which is what we want to do too!) and yhen so were we, our housewe don't want to get up earlier than we absolutely have to at weekends.

It's bloody rude IMO

I'm a bit hypoglycaemic myself get cross/grumpy if blood sugar drops as it does regularly, just alawys have snacks for me and dd in my bag that's all. Sorted/

[Hulababy]

I have no problems with people having routines for themselves and their DC. I couldn't live like it personally; having them at work is enough, and DD's acticivites drive me mad as it. To have inflexibility in stuff like meal times would be awful, for me.

However if you are visiting someone or invited as a guest to their house - surely as a guest you it in, you don't impose the routine on others?

[giantkatestacks]

Very minx - even when mine go to bed really late they still wake up at the same time.

[minxofmancunia]

I know I'm lucky giantkatestacks! But there is a limit on the "lie in" maximum latest she wakes up is 8.30 which I KNOW is fab, if she went to bed at midnight she wouldn't get up midday, it would still be 8-8.30 and we'd have a tired crochety little madam (our fault) on our hands all day!

Latest she goes to be at the weekend is 9.00 for this very reason!

[audreyraines]

I wish I could be flexible about meal times, but ds (3) CANNOT seem to wait more than half an hour for a meal. If he has to, he'll generally lose it, start getting upset and then not be able to eat when we do finally get lunch. i try to be flexible and bring stuff for him to eat as lunch if i think it's going to be late. i'd love to just give him a snack and think that he'd eat lunch later, but it seems he's just not programmed that way.

sorry, but some kids are just like though. although i would hope he grows out of it by the time he's 5.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

seems a bit anal weird that the 5yr MUST eat at 12 on the dot

as others have said what is wrong with a healthy snack fruit/rice cake to tide her over

maybe she needs to get up less early, so has breakfast later and then can has lunch later

tbh lunch is normally 12.30ish as pick up from nursery at 12, and tea is 4.30/5ish

i personally cant eat at 12 as would be hungary again by 5 and i normally eat evening meal - guess its what you get used to

[Spidermama]

As for the argument that 'some children turn into monsters if they don't eat on time.'

What and this is indulged? Hardly surprising then that these children turn into monsters is it?

I think it's about basic good manners and teaching your child that it sometimes has to fit into the world of others and be affected by the timetables of others.

Interesting thread though as it seems to be pretty polarised.

[Spidermama]

I'm also a bit hypoglycaemic Minx. I have tested myself when I feel hungry/wobbly with DS's blood glucose monitor (he is type 1 diabetic) and sure enough I'm down under 4mmols (normal base level). Like you I just snack to tide over.

[proverbial]

If they had said "my dd eats at 12 so you must have lunch ready by then for us" that would be incredibly rude, and so yanbu. BUT they didn't, they said "yes we will come at whatever time suits you, but will give dd her lunch at her regular time before we come".

I really can't see the problem. They aren't asking anybody to change anything, or to accomodate them, or making any kind of fuss. I think the OP is being unreasonable by thinking they should just change their schedule to suit them. What harm to anyone that they have their routine, it works for them, they're happy.

I wouldn't like it myself, but whatever gets you through the day, you know?

[nappyaddict]

magso my DS is a bit like yours but he is only 3. Goes from happy as larry to devil child in 30 seconds if he's getting hungry!! Would a big snack about 10/10:30ish make your DS be able to last until 1? I've got a similar dilemma with friends who have invited us for lunch at 1:30.

[kslatts]

I would of offered to do lunch at 12.30 as a compromise.

[Hulababy]

OP has already said she wasn't abl to do earlier as she was working.

[Hulababy]

Riven - think Op has already said there are no medical needs for the routine.

[Grendle]

Habbibu -if you're not an adult, then neither am I . I prefer to have lunch at 12.30, but often eat at noon. Any time after 1pm and I am starving.

I think in response to the OP, that as others have said there could be more flexibility on both sides.

My dcs are younger, but used to eating lunch at 11.30-12 because of the nursery run. If we go to friends at the weekend and they don't serve food until 2pm it is v v difficult. snacks are OK for a while, but there comes a point where the kids are climbing the wall because their stomachs expected a meal 2hrs earlier, not more snacks. Then when the food arrives, they're sometimes not interested, as they're either full of snacks or past the point of caring and in total meltdown.

i am in no way a routine mum, btw , but my kids do seem to need food every 2-3hrs or their blood sugar is noticably low by their behaviour.

[pigswithfludontfly]

Grendle - actually my point is not that they aren't being flexible that particular day but that a five year old has to have his lunch at pretty much 12 rather than being able to wait an hour after having a snack.

[piscesmoon]

I think it is very rude. It is often difficult with a baby when you have to fit in naps too, but a 5 yr old should be flexible unless there is a medical problem.
I think that Wigglesworth has the easy answer-if they can't manage that I wouldn't bother inviting them.

[bloss]

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[pigswithfludontfly]

Ha ha maybe I should be grateful that they aren't coming for lunch....you should see the list of things she doesn't eat .
Last time they did actually make it the mum kept saying "oh she doesn't eat that...." etc.

Bless. The problem is they are both really nice apart from this so we do want to see them!

[bloss]

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