...to think that a 5 year old (or her parents) should be able to be a bit flexible with mealtimes?

[pigswithfludontfly]

A close friend's dd HAS to have lunch at 12. I invited them over and suggested 1pm and that was apparently too late for her to eat. This has happened a few times and it makes meeting up tricky although it isn't the biggest issue in the world (but hey that's what AIBU is for!)

I used to be a bit like this when ds was a baby but the little girl is five.
If ds is having lunch a bit later than normal I just give him a snack to tide him over.

The little girl concerned does get up very early and the mum's reasoning is this is why she needs lunch early.

But surely by this age, it's normal to have a bit of flexibility? AIBU or a bit mean???

[nappyaddict]

This is why elevenses must have been invented

[bloss]

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[piscesmoon]

I would just tell her outright, sleepless that your idea of a holiday is to relax and ignore the DCs (who are much happier and healthier for it) and that she has to fit in, if she wants to come.
I was PFB with my first-it makes me cringe now! I would phone people up and say we will be about an hour late because PFB is asleep. With the next there isn't the option-asleep at 3pm-tough-he goes in the car to pick up from school. Usually eats at 5.30pm-tough its football training for the older one-bunged in the car and has to eat later. Much healthier to be flexible. This DC is only inflexible because the parents have allowed it!

[nappyaddict]

bloss so if you had a substantial snack at say 10/10:30 that would spoil a 1pm lunch?

[sleeplessinstretford]

The thing is she thinks she's a 'better' parent than us as is extending bf'ing/doesn't leave PFB with anyone (other than me)and isn't exactly quiet on the subject of what we are all doing wrong... i actually think she's got depression you know?
There's not a lot of joy in anything- at sons birthday party she just ran round getting stressed about stuff,when we go to soft play she hovers over him refereeing (in his favour obviously!)when they were squabbling over toys,her relationship's really struggling due to the fact the husband is in his own room as PFB sleeps with her all night, there's so many things 'wrong' I don't actually know where to start you know??and am aware that I sound like a right bitch but am close to the whole family and so feel more of a twat than the others for excluding them from the hol.

[Grammaticus]

stretford - could you have a "how would this work" type discussion with her before the next one is arranged, while it is still all hypothetical?

[sleeplessinstretford]

she's angling to come on the next one,I am not sure I have the heart/the balls to tell her why we are going to go without her. That's actually really shit isn't it?

[piscesmoon]

I have been on holiday very successfully with friends, but I choose them carefully. There are some good friends that I would never holiday with. I have only been with those who are laid back and relaxed.

[sleeplessinstretford]

We went away with a group of families for the weekend a couple of weeks ago.Two of the kids are in the same nursery so they were in the same routine, I spend most of my days with the other child as her dad is at home with her as well so 'our' kids are in roughly the same routine.
We took the decision not to invite one (who is sort of one of the group but doesn't do the 'mum socialising') at all due to the fact that her son is in the most rigid routine and she was already making noises when we were discussing the trip about leaving in convoy so that we didn't disrupt his daytime nap (buggar everyone elses!)she doesn't drink and goes to bed with him at 7pm and doesn't allow him any 'treats' and says he is milk intolerant and expects everyone elses children when he is there not to have any kind of treat (and by that I mean anything like a biscuit/cake/cheese/pizza/yoghurt etc) therefore we took the group decision that everyone elses weekend away would be negatively impacted upon and less fun if they were to come,which is a real shame as she's actually really lovely but I (and the others) were not prepared to do this.
It feels (and felt at the time) quite tight but people with such a rigid routine/strict rules/control issues will eventually find themselves excluded from things.

[bloss]

Message withdrawn

[nappyaddict]

bloss what sort of snack is substantial enough to work for you? would fruit, cereal, nuts, cheese, bread, crackers etc cut it?

[piscesmoon]

Invite them for 12 serve a few nibbles and drinks and sit down at 1pm. The DD will be so busy playing she won't even notice! I don't know how she copes with play dates-I serve meals when I am ready. Even if I were to invite someone for 12, I doubt if my time keeping would be spot on.

[FAQinglovely]

have only read the first few posts but honestly.

How many people on MN say "no give them snacks close to meal times as they won't eat their meal"

yet people are no advocating she's given a snack an hours before lunch......and is then expected to eat her lunch as well.

Now obviously some chldren (mine included) wouldn't have a problem with a snack an hour before lunch but this girl would.

And no - mine can't make it thourgh to 1 before having lunch.

[msbossy]

YANBU

Kids are small people, not a strange race. I am a bitch without food. I suspect my daughter will take after me. That's my problem and not anyone else's - particularly not someone nice enough to invite me 'round for dinner.

Having said that YABU to declare that 12 noon is too early for adults. Plan lunch for 3pm and piss everyone off.

[audreyraines]

in the end it's whatever avoids the meltdown. ds has so often just had bread for lunch when we're out, as the main meals just take too long to come and we approach meltdown territory!

[slowreadingprogress]

I can see the problem tbh. 1pm is very, very late for a five year old if they're up at 5.30am like my ds was! A fruit snack or rice cake is not going to get that child through to 1pm without meltdown, and give them more substantial stuff and there is the problem of the child not wanting lunch at 1pm and you being seen as rude for the child turning their nose up at a meal.

[WinkyWinkola]

I couldn't bear to be so rigid in meal times - I'd find it really really stressful and pressurised - but then it's different for everybody, I guess.

Some people have a really hard time getting their children to eat and maybe if the time changes, their kids respond negatively by not eating.

I just don't invite people over who are rigid and inflexible like that.

[Bumperslucious]

Goodness, if I am at work I sometime eat my lunch by 11! Clearly not very grown up, and admittedly I get hugely cranky and feel ill if I don't eat regularly, but I always make sure I have a snack with me. DD's routine is hugely varied, depending on what time she sleeps, where we are and when I get a chance to make lunch. I always make sure she has had a snack though. It's good to be flexible and I think your friend is being a bit rigid.

[Eve4Walle]

I like routine where mealtimes are concerned. My kids know when their lunch or dinner will be served and that's a good thing. Of course, I'm not bothered if they eat 30 minutes or so eaither side of the time they are used to eating but we like things this way and everyone knoew where they are if meals at at set times.

[hatesponge]

YANBU. I would say that though as I have brought my DC up without any proper routine whatsoever!

[Kazzi79]

LOL Miss Sunny, I've got to admit to being a bit of a meal planner
Having said that I do allow room for flexibility, like last week on a really hot day my friend phoned at about 4pm saying she was lighting the barbecue if we fancied grabbing some burgers and bringing them up, no way would I have said "sorry but tonights meal is roast chicken so theres no way we will come"

I don't think its wrong to have a routine, in fact I'd love my own life to feel a bit more organised than it is at the mo, but then again a few years back when I suffered from PND I was very harsh on myself and was very strict with myself getting things done by a certain time, I've since learnt to chill as the world isn't gonna end if I haven't tidied the house, done the washing, hung the washing out, done shopping all by 10.30am

[ReneRusso]

I think you can explain to a 5 yr old, its going to be a while before lunch, have a snack to keep you going. Babies are not so flexible, but a 5 yr old should be. Its just part of growing up and learning to fit in with others.

[Hulababy]

How do these children cope with birthday parties or playdates?

[piscesmoon]

Being invited out is nothing to do with hunger-it is to do with being polite. If someone invites me out to dinner at 8pm I don't say I am hungry at 7pm and can't wait! I deal with it and accept the invitation offered. With a 5yr old DC the parent accepts invitation and then deals with the problem. Eating is a social activity.

[giantkatestacks]

Its actually very interesting this thread - I cant unpick what people mean by 'pandering' to children and being antisocial etc and how I would square this with children, and people generally, needing to eat when they are hungry etc.

Isnt this what the blw and demand feeding is all about on MN - so that children learn when they are hungry and the appropriate cues etc so they dont end up using food as comfort or punctuation to the day etc?

I am often caught between a rock and hard place with this sort of thing as if I snack them and they then dont eat its even ruder than asking for an early lunch.