to be so upset that my mum is going on holiday

[frazzled74]

my mum looks after my dc's 2 days per week while i work.they go to nursery another 2 days per week whilst i do my night shifts so that i can sleep. She has just told me this morning that she is going on holiday next week for 2 weeks. I am starting a new job next week so cant exactly start swapping shifts and taking parental leave.DH has used up all his leave and nursery cant accomodate the extra days as full.I feel that this is really selfish of my mum and am very annoyed, but also realise that she has a life and that she helps me out a lot. aagh!

I am really surprised by how many people think YABU to be upset - if you've got an arrangement that she looks after your DC two days a week then she has made a commitment and she's letting you down with very short notice. Is there any possibility that she doesn't want the commitment any more and this is a not-so-subtle way of telling you?

Of course it's not your mum's responsibility to provide childcare but if that is what you have arranged then obviously it will cause you an issue if she can't do it.

I heart Xenia

I did read that bit but still think she should not be upset. Her mum told her that she is going on holiday next week, it is short notice, I agree. When the mum insisted to help WRT childcare she probably did not imagine that she would then on be house bound. I think the free help she provided until now really outweights the inconvenience to OP.

It is just my opinion though and it might be biased by the of having a mum close enough geographycally to do the same for me!

I'd be pretty pissed off too, and it is for this reason that whenever my mother makes sweeping statements like, 'oh, if only you lived closer, I'd look after DS a couple of days a week' I completely ignore her.

I think if you look on childarelink government site you will be able to find an emergency childminder.... and don't rely on your folks any more.
YANBU.

have just had a chat with my mum and explained that my job is flexible to an extent but requires planning and notice, she did go on holiday last month and told me that she wouldnt be going away again til after summer holidays, so i havent ignored her need for holiday etc.I have said that from sept, dc's will be booked into nursery 4 days per week and she can have them when she is able or wants to rather than on a regular basis.she is not happy ,and i said it nicely and told her was grateful

frazzled I think you did the right thing

She might not be happy but she DID complicate things knowing you'd have to find alternative care, at least this way you have care and your parents can be as involved as much or as little as they please

It's bad timing and although YAB a bit U I can totally understand where you are coming from with a new job.

my Mum took holidays when I was due to have ds3 (well 3 days after then got annoyed I went overdue LOL) and on my graduation preventing me from attending. I was sad about it and a bit disaponted, but at the same time quite aware that is her right so not with her as much as events, IYSWIM?

Give your Mum a day or two to think it over

It's an impossible situation, either she has the kids and lets you know about holidays (my Mum had the two oler ones when we lived closer and would arrange a week well in advance but make short notice bookings around that IYSWIM).

But if she can't do that then you do have to use a nursery- and she will understand that i think, given time.

I used to buy my Mum a holiday a year for bieng our CM- maybe you could suggest soemthing similar?

I think the main thing that upset me is that i am starting a new job after being in the same job for 10 years. I am nervous and really wanted to be on top of things etc and wanted a bit of support in the first week. I will now have absent mum, grumpy dh and dc's that will be out of their routine. never mind, could be worse!

Well I look after dgs1 and dgs 2 one day a week each and time my hols to fit in with them.However I work the whole of Sept and dd knows it is her responsibility to cover that time.Her m-i-l does it when I cant.Is such an arrangement not possible for you?

Hi. My mil takes my youngest 2 days a week, and also picks my oldest up 1 day a week. She always tells us months in advance of her holidays so that we can arrange child care. I am teacher, so can't take holiday time - would be taking the michael a bit - but because we have so much notice we don't mind at all. She is really good at telling us stuff, and has never yet let us down. I don't think YABU cause if she agreed to do it, she can't suddenly unagree! Could you imagine if a CM turned round a week before and said I'm off on holiday - have fun! Hope you get it sorted

YANBU - good luck with your new job next week.

what about dh's family? could his mum come and stay for a couple of weeks to help you out?

or could you put your job start date back by a couple of weeks

I think your mum was unreasonable to just spring it on you and think you are riht not to rely on her