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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have uninvited my Mum to dh's homecoming?

17 replies

cheekymonk · 05/07/2009 20:44

Hi, Dh is home soon after almost 8 months away with Navy. DS and myself have missed him like crazy as you would imagine. During this time, My Dad came down for Christmas and my Mum has been down the odd weekend, babysat occasionally in the evening and helped with ds' birthday party but tbh its been minimal.

I invited my Mum to DH's homecoming as she is on her own and at the time I was feeling very charitable but of late, I have just been unhappy about it. Its so long since we have seen dh and I want it to be just dh, ds and me really and for us to have some precious time together. I asked quite some time ago and plans have also changed in that he is arriving at 7pm instead of daytime as he originally thought which makes me feel differently too.

So I told her yesterday, tactfully how I felt but I learn today that I am accused of "not treating her very well" and do feel like perhaps it was a bit shabby.

I just feel like if she had been "with me" more I would have happily let her come along but she chooses when to be a grandparent and mother when it suits in my opinion. She didn't any part of Christmas as has just had a week off and not had time to see us. She very much has her own life which is fine but I do feel, to sum it up, she wants all the glory of the homecoming without any of the hard work !

I am cow aren't I?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 05/07/2009 20:47

No, you're not a cow. I'd want him to myself too, even if my mum had helped me on a weekly basis.

Frasersmum123 · 05/07/2009 20:55

Its a bit U to invite then uninvite, but I can see where you are coming from.

ineedalifelaundry · 05/07/2009 20:55

Not a cow. She'll get over it. Just look forward to being with your DH and DS.

paisleyleaf · 05/07/2009 20:59

It was a mistake to invite her
and it's a shame if she can't understand that without being offended
I wonder how much you DH would be relishing homecoming to his MIL anyway?

katiestar · 05/07/2009 21:16

YANBU to want him to yourself and your DS to begin with and she should understand this.Perhaps you shoukd show her some sexy lingerie etc you have bought for when your DH comes home.That should have her running for the hills!

5inthebed · 05/07/2009 21:34

YANBU in the slightest.
I would want my DH to myself if it were me as well.

DrEvil · 05/07/2009 21:42

Yanbu at all. I openly 'ban' everyone from dh's homecomings (he is rn too) as imo it's difficult enough for the dc's to get used to the new dynamic without visitors too. My parents are really supportive and do loads for us but would totally understand if we uninvited them.

When the ship comes in after all that time you damn well deserve all the glory! We're the mugs that hold it all together whilst they're away!

Have a fab homecoming

Yorky · 05/07/2009 21:45

YA completely NBU, I would so want family time first, maybe she could come for a weekend once he's been back a week or two. Its a shame your mum can't understand that

DesperateHousewifeToo · 05/07/2009 21:51

YANBU about wanting dh's homecoming to be just you. How exciting to be seeing him after all this time.

YAB a bit U about expecting your mum to be on hand to help you. She has her own life to lead.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 05/07/2009 22:18

Thanks all! Have just written a letter explaining things a bit- I'm not brilliant on the phone!
Fair point desperatehousewifetoo. I do feel I ask very little of my family though. One time Mum came to see me, I was watching ds whilst she was browsing the shops! Considering she lives alone, she can go clothes shopping whenever she feels like but I can't! also when I go up to stay, I often have to take ds out to give her a break!!!!!!
Still, I know there is no law on grandparent duties and should be grateful for any help received

OP posts:
6inchnipples · 05/07/2009 22:25

cheekymonk we must be sisters because thats my mum too

Original poster
cheekymonk · 06/07/2009 07:42

hee hee 6inchnipples!

OP posts:
NormaSknockers · 06/07/2009 07:46

YANBU! I felt the same way when DH (then DF) returned home from 5 months away, I wanted him all to myself [greedy emoticon]

It's a shame that your mum doesn't understand but she'll get over it don't worry, enjoy his homecoming

Kimi · 06/07/2009 07:54

Your not a cow, but you should not have invited her in the first place

Kimi · 06/07/2009 07:56

I think if it were his mum then it would be different, but I am sure your mum can wait a few days to come see her son in law

2rebecca · 06/07/2009 13:25

If my husband had been away for several months there is no way I'd invite any relatives round the day he comes back. I'd maybe have parents/ PIL/sibs etc round a few days later. I think your mum is being quite selfish in not understanding why you don't want her there. this isn't supposed to be about her.
I would be very disappointed if I went away for a few months and came home to my inlaws and having a best behaviour type occasion.
I don't think it's fair on your husband to invite her to his homecoming however much she's been doing for you. He really won't want to see her and have to be polite.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 06/07/2009 17:29

Actually he does like her and said when I said she wasn't coming, he wouldn't have minded!!!! he would have though when it comes down to it. Yes you are all right, the unreasonable bit was inviting her than uninviting her! Will try to get round her. She is coming with us on a trip to London in aug so its not like we're ignoring her.

OP posts:
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