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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking his friend out on a 'date', but not me

14 replies

worried27 · 01/07/2009 22:03

Well, that's how it feels, anyway.

I don't know if I am right to feel like this so rather than take it out on him I thought I'd try to work it out on here.

DP is out with a friend tonight (female but nothing dodgy going on there, she is an old friend), they met for a drink after work, fine.

I just got a text saying what a great time they're having and that he's taken her to this great little pub we know, they're in the beer garden, soaking up the sun, wonderful night. And for some reason I'm a little aggrieved by this.

We've been dating about six months, he used to make SUCH an effort with me, always booking me up for dinners, drinks, special events etc. In the last month however, it's all completely dropped off. In fact it's a month since our last 'date' that he arranged. Ever since it's either been casual 'coming round mine tonight?', or stuff that I have arranged.

Now he has texted me, he's out with someone at OUR place, he's having a great time, the quick 'after work' drink has obviously turned into a late one... yes it's a bit of jealousy, but mixed with a very strong 'well why aren't you doing that with ME?' kind of thing.

Any advice or AIBU?!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/07/2009 22:06

erm, I would say he is moving on

sorry

HumphreyCobbler · 01/07/2009 22:08

this would piss me right off

fucksticks · 01/07/2009 22:08

its easy to get lazy when you get comfortable with someone though
I'd reply back and say something like 'sounds gorgeous, wish i was there. we havent been out like that for a few weeks. lets have an evening out together next week, just the two of us.... surprise me!'

will remind him how much you enjoy going out on dates as well as just spending time together at home!

dittany · 01/07/2009 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aGalChangedHerName · 01/07/2009 22:09

Nothing dodgy?? Are you sure?

Morloth · 01/07/2009 22:09

Agree with AnyFucker, he is taking the piss big time with the texts as well.

Dump him now, you don't need that sort of bullshit passive aggressive crap in your life.

ravenAK · 01/07/2009 22:12

Are you able to get out or do you have dc at home?

If you can, I think you could text back suggesting it's such a lovely evening you quite fancy joining him for last orders.

Dh would do this quite routinely, but to be fair he'd be fine if I were out enjoying an evening with a male friend - possibly in dp's head you haven't arranged to see each other, so he is a free agent & at liberty to spend a nice evening with a mate?

PeedOffWithNits · 01/07/2009 22:13

text him that you are feeling horny and want him right now.............see if he comes running

does the "friend" have a partner?

PeedOffWithNits · 01/07/2009 22:15

if the friend is single she has probably got her eye on him and is all "won't the little woman let you out, doesn't she trust you" etc

oh ignore me and my wild speculation, but something sounds odd here

Original poster
worried27 · 01/07/2009 22:19

I promise you, nothing dodgy there, I have been down that road before and if I thought for one second she was a 'problem', I would be doing something about it!

fucksticks I think you are right, he has got lazy, I just want my old DP back, who would take me out places and WANT to do stuff with me

Morloth I can't decide if the text was passive aggressive 'look how much fun i'm having' or just a genuine, 'hey this is what i'm up to' text

Peedoffwithnits last time I heard she was 'dating' ;)

ravenAK that's the thing, he is more than welcome to spend a nice evening with his mates (and so am i, and i do), i don't know how to explain but it's like, he BOOKED it in her, he took her somewhere nice - I want that!

OP posts:
pickyvic · 01/07/2009 22:46

i think it would have been ok to take his old mate out for a drink - but to text you about it?? saying what a great time he is having? i dont get that. i have a male friend whom i really really get on with and we do meet up, but there is nothing other than friendship in it - ive been happily married for nearly 20 years - but i wouldnt dream of texting my DH to tell him i was having a wonderful time (without him in other words). thats hurtful. id be a wee bit pissed off.
id ask him when he is planning to have that much fun with you!

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 01/07/2009 22:59

not looking good is it

Morloth · 01/07/2009 23:06

So be a bit difficult worried27 if you don't want to "settle down" then don't, tell him that it isn't working for you.

Men need to be told stuff IME, they won't get it unless you come right out and say it. Tell him it pissed you off that he went out with this friend, took her to your place and then told you all about it.

Original poster
worried27 · 02/07/2009 00:47

So, he rings on the way home, and said they went to that pub but also another one which was really good 'and we should go there sometime'..

I said i was pleased they'd had such a good night and hadn't it been a while since we did something like that? To which he says, yes, and he will have a think and organise something, I say ok, I have come up with the last few after all so it's your turn now, and he agrees.

And then he says he has a present for me

Now of course he was tipsy to say the least so who knows if he will remember tomorrow, but maybe the key is communication and spelling it out for them after all??

OP posts:
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