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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be peed off that some people can be so rude.....

46 replies

MumGoneCrazy · 01/07/2009 16:52

I took DD1 (4) and DD2 (2.9) to Macdonalds today as i was craving a big mac after having had my glucose test (im 28wks pregnant today) and unusually DD2 was in a very good mood considering the heat (she's fair and a redhead so cant take the heat it makes her grumpy and tired)

On the bus stop she said Hiya to the 2 people already there and only one said hello back
she was even nice enough to pick a daisy for each of my DD's
then on the bus DD2 said hello to a woman in her late 20's and her mother who both ignored her
and i know they heard her as they were staring at her
Then in Macdonalds a little boy of about 5 was staring at DD2 so she said hello to him
he did a little giggle and hid his face in his fathers arm who then turned to look at what his son was hiding from and got a hello as well to which he gave my DD the weirdest look like she'd done something wrong

Does it really take too much effort to say hello to a toddler who is polite and smiling at you??

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 01/07/2009 18:20

YANBU, by the way, and I am so depressed, I've been forced to go to Baby Names to cheer myself up

FenellaFudge · 01/07/2009 18:21

Well they dont have to say hello but there is such a thing as social etiquette.
I'd hate to be so lacking in basic social skills.

Morloth · 01/07/2009 18:30

Your kids are cute and interesting to you to other people they are just kids. You have no idea why they didn't respond, yes they might just be miserable gits or they might have a reason.

Not everyone is going to be nice - best to get used to it really.

Tidey · 01/07/2009 18:37

DD (20 mo) has only recently started talking and says hello to pretty much everyone she sees, random strangers walking past, shop assistants etc, and nearly always gets a smile and a hello back. The reactions you describe are rather ignorant, but other children can be very shy sometimes. I do feel a bit annoyed sometimes if adults don't reply to my DD, but children I can understand it from.

Overmydeadbody · 01/07/2009 18:40

I wonder if it's dependant on where you live? Maybe there are pockets of the UK where all the miserable gits live and that's why you encountered them all today?

Morloth · 01/07/2009 18:44

More likely the heat Overmydeadbody I know my fuse was pretty short today.

katiestar · 01/07/2009 18:44

YANBU.Only ever come across this once.This was a bricklayer working on our house who wouldn't chat at all to to any of the kids.I later found out his father had been wrongly accused of grooming a child and it had completely destroyed his life.

Original poster

MumGoneCrazy · 01/07/2009 18:45

All the miserable gits must of moved to south wales for the summer then

OP posts:

muminthecity · 01/07/2009 18:52

DD is very sociable and chats to everybody, generally people are very friendly and will talk to her. However, during the school holidays I work with children with learning disabilities and the difference in the way people respond to them when I take them out and about is and . They are the most adorable children, and love talking to people but sadly they are often ignored or even scowled at.

dawntigga · 02/07/2009 15:17

scream why should the entire country like children? Why should everyone want to say hello to a small child? Small children are annoying to a lot of people. Nobody is forced to say hello or be nice - it's a fact of life.

dxx

screamingabdab · 02/07/2009 18:11

I just think it's a but rude not to smile at, or say hello to ANYONE who smiles at you, especially a small child.

I'm not denying that children can be annoying, but saying you "don't like children" is, IMO a bit of a sweeping statement. Lots of men annoy me, some men are noisy, some men are sick on the bus but I don't recall ever saying that I don't like men.

MissSunny · 02/07/2009 18:23

Message withdrawn

screamingabdab · 02/07/2009 18:26

Was he disabled ? It's easier for elderly or disabled people to use the outside seat.

If neither of the above, then yes, it was a bit unusual

Original poster

MumGoneCrazy · 02/07/2009 20:43

Im not saying that i think everyone should be nice and smile and say hello to DD but i do think that giving a 2 and a half year old a dirty look because she dared to say hello to you is digusting He could of just turned away and ignored her

OP posts:

canttouchthis · 02/07/2009 20:54

funny you should post this OP, but my DS is v similar to your DD and he says hello to ANYONE on the street (sometimes I wish he wasn't so forward though, can be saying hello to the wrong types!) not all people are polite and say hello back. more supermarket staff say hello but in the street it varies.

motherbeyond · 06/07/2009 22:06

my friends mum was with her and her children at the doctor's to help mind her dd whilst her ds had a jab.the dd said hello to the nurse and was ignored twice.

the nurse started talking to the mum,and the granny said'excuse me.my grandaughter just said hello to you twice and i would like you to acknowledge her before we go any further.really,in your profession,i would have thought you are well used to interacting with children?!'

my dh came home once and told me he'd seen the most adorable baby (obviously not as adorable as my2)and had been busting to say hello,coochy coo etc as she was grinning at him..but felt the mother may think he was a weirdo...sad isn't it.

on the other hand...

there was a time when i saw this man in m&s,and he kept talking to my dd.i was polite and smiled,but he seemed strange so we made our excuses and left the shop.

went into boots about 20 mins later.there he was again,straight over (in his raincoat!)talking to dd who loves a good natter.
i thought'oh god,has he followed us?'
again tried to take my leave,when he reached in to touch my youngest in the buggy.i dragged the buggy sharply to the right(out of instinct..not thought)and he lost his balance and fell over !felt bad but what's a mum to do?

saintmaybe · 07/07/2009 07:46

Miss sunny :'I got on a bus once with dd and sat her on the seat at the front whilst i turned round to put my shopping bags on the shopping bag bit. A man sat on the seat next to my dd (then 4). There were only 2 seats there and I just looked at him. He said "yes". I asked him to move, there were loads of other seats, he was on the outside she was next to the window. He got the hump. Flipping weirdo! Wanting to sit next to someones elses kid?'

So if a child wants to be friendly and initiate social interaction eveyone should respond, but if an adult does they're a 'weirdo?'
At what age does the change happen?

MoChan · 07/07/2009 08:14

People who don't respond, even just with a smile, are being rude, in my opinion. If anyone, be it adult or child, initiates some kind of contact with me, I always respond politely, because I like politeness. I like the idea of people being nice to each other. I think whoever it was who said "well, some people don't like children" or whatever, was missing the point. It's not about who they are. And nobody is forced to be nice? No, they're not. It doesn't make rudeness acceptable.

In my pre-mothering life, I was kind of anti-children. Not in a hating way, I just felt a bit uncomfortable around them and didn't know how to deal with them. But they often spoke to me on public transport, etc, and I always responded to them, because that's a polite thing to do.

So actually, I do think people should be nice, and polite, and smile. I know everyone has bad days, but I think most of the time, it's very little hardship just to say "hello" back.

melmog · 07/07/2009 08:41

I was never keen on little kids tbh but I think it is definatley rude not to acknowledge someone, anyone, who makes the effort to smile or say hello.

My dd said "hello, I'm Jessica, this is my teddy and my mummy and we're going to the park and the shop today" to a man in his driveway yesterday. He just looked embarrassed! He did smile though and said hello back as I dragged her away.

Having a bad day is no excuse. A smile is catching as they used to say!

ApplesinmyPocket · 07/07/2009 08:43

I always say hello to toddlers if they smile and engage with me, it brightens up my day now my own are grown up! I'm even willing to entertain them for a short while on trains/buses/planes etc to give the mother a few brief moments to switch off.

Had a lovely encounter the other day with a small child in the Co-op - she had a flower in her hair and was looking up at me and smiling. I commented on her pretty hair-thingie and the mother volunteered that it was appropriate, because 'her name was the flower-name'. It did me good - being on MN can give you the depressing impression that most mothers are highly suspicious of strangers and would think it very dangerous to tell one a child's name. I;d never realised before coming on here that so many mothers actually don't welcome strangers' interracting with their DCs and it has made me a bit warier than I used to be.

Alambil · 07/07/2009 09:19

I was in the Harvester with Ds the other day, sat on the next table to a dad with his young son (guessing 18m-2) when all of a sudden I had a lap full of peas!

The baby had turned round and chucked them and they landed on my lap, which I hasten to add I found hilarious. The poor dad didn't know what to say!

We (the baby and I) then played "munch the peas" where he'd eat a pea and look at me to make some sort of yum-face like parents do!

A bit of a difference to a hello on the bus, but not all parents / strangers are too paranoid to not interact with each other! Isn't that what used to make community spirit, so to speak? I think it's a shame we've lost it

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