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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that an identical twin (or triplet) can never really know which one it is

61 replies

FakeGlassesAndTash · 01/07/2009 15:40

I've been talking with a friend who's an identical twin and says he was born first.

I think that by the time he was a couple of days or weeks old, his parents had probably muddled the two of them up and so he can't really be sure be sure whether's he's the first one or the second one out.

AIBU to think that parents of twins can never really say for sure which was first out once they've left the hospital and let the babies "mingle" for a few days? (Can you tell that I'm not busy at work today?!

OP posts:
RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 01/07/2009 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 01/07/2009 16:29

DS1 has friends who are identical twins, after a year of teaching them the teacher still doesn't know them apart.

However, their mum has always know them apart, one was quite poorly after birth and was in SCBU for longer, there was no mixing them up at birth or anything like that. (for her!)

TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 01/07/2009 16:33

Not necessarily switched at birth Reality - just sometime between birth and the point at which they could say 'no, I'm P'

Littlefish · 01/07/2009 16:33

I have twin nephews, born by cs, so their birth order was more to do with which one was grabbed first than anything else! My sister is very careful never to discuss it with them. They are very competitive as it is, and the birth order thing is just a red herring.

They took a long time to recognise themselves as separate people, and would answer to either name for a long time. If one was asked "where's Bob?" he would point to the other one. If then asked "where's Tim", he would point again to the other one. (Made up names obviously).

FenellaFudge · 01/07/2009 16:36

"Siblings are different mixes of two different people though. Not different versions of one person."

We're all mixes of two different people, what I'm thinking is that when two people reproduce (however many times)there are finite possibilities to the child they can produce, their mix of genes is one big pot (the continuum) one massive load of definites with a gazillion different possibilities because its all about the mixture.

Like a big popcorn machine, the popcorn is whatever flavour was added to the entire batch but you will only ever get the popcorn that happened to be close together when the nice popcorn lady scoops some into your tub.

Lulumama · 01/07/2009 16:39

i;m a non identical twin ( should be a pic of me and ruby on my profile.. we look like sisters, rather than twins i think)

i was born first, and i used to remind her of it of every available opportunity.

looking at baby pics now, we did look different

so i think it would be pos

notevenamousie · 01/07/2009 16:39

I was an identical twin and the other twin died. Not relevant of course but I sometimes do ponder what life would have been like...

Lulumama · 01/07/2009 16:39

oops

would be possible to tell with identical twins , if you looked hard enough !

pranma · 01/07/2009 16:44

I once taught apparently identical triplets in Leeds in the 60s.Their mum had them wear tshirts/jumpers with their initials on and the little dears used to swap them!Th same class had 3 sets of twins too[2 sets identical]we were in the paper with a headline (3x2)+3!!

FenellaFudge · 01/07/2009 16:45

Another variation on this theme that requires me to have a nice sit down and a cup of tea is this; the idea that a person can decide they want to produce a new human being that is a mixture of themselves with someone else of their choosoing. I'm not at all religious but cant help feeling a bit woo abou that!
It's like, two people, really in love, smitten blahdeblah, he always drinks coke and she always drinks cherryade and cos they adore each other so much they want to experience the others drink at the same time as their own, so he tips his coke into her cherryade and they've got a wonderful glass of cherry coke!

BalloonSlayer · 01/07/2009 16:51

It is considered important who is born first for reasons of inheritance.

In England, you only have the time of your birth on your birth certificate if you are a twin (or triplet). Single births do not have it entered as it doesn't matter.

In Scotland, all birth certificates have the time on.

I read an article once about two sets of identical twins who had married each other. It pointed out that their children were legally cousins, but genetically siblings.

BalloonSlayer · 01/07/2009 16:55

And re the mixing up. It's only a name. It's not like being given to the wrong set of parents. There's no question of someone who can "never really know which one it is" - that's an external view. They know who they are alright - themself!

Plenty of people are adopted and have their names changed by their adoptive parents. But they are still themselves.

FenellaFudge · 01/07/2009 16:56

"I read an article once about two sets of identical twins who had married each other. It pointed out that their children were legally cousins, but genetically siblings."

Woooooooh..... we need some kind of spaced-out-emoticon, i think it would be a mixture - offspring if you will - of these two:

Lulumama · 01/07/2009 16:56

that;s reminded me pranma, of the time me and my sister did pretend to be each other for a whole day, fooling our teacher who had said he would not be caught out.. happy days !!

throckenholt · 01/07/2009 16:57

mine are id - no chance of mistaking them as newborns though because one was 5.5 lbs, the other was not quite 4lb

curlyredhead · 01/07/2009 17:07

Have only read first few posts - we kept the hospital bracelets on our ID twins for about 10 days till we'd got the hang of who was who. On the one-baby-two-bodies - well,as soon as there is a split and two fertilised eggs then they are each subject to subtly different environments - so one really obvious example is that one of mine was higher up in my tum and one lower down... and one followed 95th centile and one followed 50th. And that's even more the case once they are born.

Would you be one person in two bodies if you were cloned? Or would your two selves immediately start doing different things and become different people? I think the latter.

anniebunny · 01/07/2009 17:07

I have monozygotic twins and I have never mixed them up. In fact I was told when I was pregnant by an ignorant sonographer that they were dyzygotic 'because they have separate placentas'- amazes me how many health professionals don't know that a third of identicals have separate placentas!!

Anyway- I spent four years unsure as to whether or not mine were 'identical' (I prefer monozygotic because to me they look totally different!) so eventually paid the £80 for the DNA test because so many people outside the family can't tell them apart and they are 'identical'.

I know they weren't mixed up at the hospital because one got jaundice so was rather yellow for a couple of weeks (!) and the other had a nasogastic tube for a couple of days and there was a mark on his cheek where it had been taped down BUT even without these obvious things I wouldn't have got them mixed up because they have always looked different to me. Even thir little sister has been able to tell them apart accurately since she was 18 months old!

As for 'one person in two bodies' I can tell you for a fact that my two are very different people and have been from the start!

Original poster
FakeGlassesAndTash · 01/07/2009 17:14

FenellaFudge - I love the way you think!

Glad also to have lots of sensible mums of twins to put us straight. I remember in my pre-DD days seeing a photo at the NCT lady's house of 8 babies, including hers, on a sofa. I remember thinking "what's the point in having that photo as she clearly can't tell which one is hers - they all look the same." Oh dear.

Was clearly v v dim and uninitiated, and can see that just as a mum of a singleton can tell it from another baby, so too can a mum of twins (often/usually) tell them apart.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 01/07/2009 18:21

FF - interesting questions! I also have been curious about twins being genetically the same person (I think...willing to be told I'm wrong). DH's dad is an identical twin, even in their late 50s they look very similar (although you can tell them apart) and DH's cousin is about to have a baby. DS will be getting a second cousin (or whatever) but genetically he'll be getting a cousin!

Madmentalbint · 01/07/2009 18:45

I saw an interview on television with a mum of ID twins. She had been very careful to never reveal which twin was born first because she believed it would change the way people treated them and it would affect the way the children perceived themselves. Interesting.

Littlefish · 01/07/2009 19:13

That's my sister's thinking too Madmentalbint.

curlyredhead · 01/07/2009 20:03

What?? She never told them who was the older / younger?? That is bizarre. They are different people. One was born first and one second - to not acknowledge that so as to make sure noone treats them unfairly is like saying that they are the same person... I'm really surprised at that.

mrswill · 01/07/2009 20:19

Im an identical twin, and my mother said she could always tell us apart, even though we were very similar. Me and my sister were discussing the other day, if we conceived with the same man, our children would genetically be siblings. Weird. As for birth order, i was born first, and have always 'felt' like the first born, iykwim, although my twin does have more of a tendency for bossiness

BitOfFun · 01/07/2009 20:35

What about if you have a caesarian? If the doctor "picks" which one comes out first, how is that fair if the oldest inherits the family estate? [boggle]
< probably showing woeful ignorance of caesarians >

StealthPolarBear · 01/07/2009 20:36

mrswill, or conceived with identical twins - they would genetically be siblings - bizarre!!

DH and his cousin look so alike (dads are ID twins) that people get the mixed up!

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