Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To feel completely devastated by having forgotten to collect a friend's dd from an activity?

42 replies

lowlandlady · 01/07/2009 10:27

A couple of weeks ago I collected friend's dd 8 to take her to basketball with ds. Then was very busy with the usual stuff, interrupted sleep, hot bothered distracted and then dh said he'd collect ds. I forgot in a fog brained way to say, collect ds's friend too. So he didn't collect her. I only realised when they got back home. Made a call and friend had gone to collect her dd.
I've apologised enormously and taken presents and everything. The girls parents have been fine. I just feel so awful though. I can't forget how stupid I was. I just don't feel I'm going to be able to get over it enough for our friendship to survive. I'm so ashamed of myself and can't really get out from under it, I'm overwhelmed actually.
I would have been so upset if someone had done the same to me, I don't think I could trust that person again.
Any empathy gratefully received.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 01/07/2009 11:01

lol, hardly a degeneration. i would think that anyone that refused to accept an apology for a simpe human error was a precious twat and would avoid them like the plague in future. are you really saying that in the other parents' position you wouldn't accept an apology?

muffle · 01/07/2009 11:01

I do have anxiety issues incidentally and I think there may be a connection. Shame and worry like this is a horrible, overwhelming feeling. And it makes it worse that you feel if you talk about it you are being a bit selfish as after all it was you that messed up!

AitchTwoOh · 01/07/2009 11:03

oh gosh if they come out at a different time it's an even more understandable mistake, imo. if you've agreed to do something and there's a gear-change like dh saying he'll go instead, it's hard to keep track i think. go easy on yourself.

Original poster

lowlandlady · 01/07/2009 11:03

oh they totally accepted the apology.

My problem now, given that I can't go back in time and make it not happen, is ME not them, I feel like avoiding them forever!

But am going to put the laundry up you have all really helped, thank you!

I love mumsnet

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 01/07/2009 11:04

btw muffle, that's exactly what i think it comes down to. would the OP forgive if someone in identical circumstances left her 8 year old behind?

Original poster

lowlandlady · 01/07/2009 11:05

I think I would but i would also have been really upset and dh would have been furious! These would have been irrational responses but huge I imagine. I would have got over it but would have felt pissed off for a good while I suspect!

OP posts:

hmc · 01/07/2009 11:09

Please stop drawing me back into debate Aitch I've got an assignment to do!

No, I am not saying that. I would certainly accept an apology - if I felt that the person apologising was treating the matter with an appropriate amount of gravity and felt really badly about it - like lowlandlady. In fact in that situation I would do everything I could to comfort the person apologising and to reassure them that it was okay.

If however the person apologising was sorry but didn't think it was that much of a big deal, I would be profoundly disatisfied.

Perhaps it depends upon your child - my 7 year old dd would be extremely upset about being forgotten

Original poster

lowlandlady · 01/07/2009 11:13

me too hmc, I would hide these emotions from the neglectful parent but I would feel them! I would also try to make them feel ok about it!

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 01/07/2009 11:32

i don't think i said that it wasn't a big deal, though, just that in light of the fact that the parents forgave her and that it was a simple human error the op should lighten up on herself. i could see her point if she'd gone to a bar and got drunk and then forgot but under the circumstances to be 'devastated' after two weeks is all about the OP and her anxieties and nothing to do wiht anyone else involved. (which i know you accept, Lowlady, and i don't dismiss these feelings. but they are symptoms of your anxiety issues rather than to do with the event itself).

AitchTwoOh · 01/07/2009 11:34

actually... 'the neglectful parent'???! you JUST FORGOT. my god, are you never allowed to make a mistake?

Stigaloid · 01/07/2009 11:40

You need to forgive yourself if your friend has forgiven you. My friend accidentaly left her hot tea at my DS's height when he was about 14 months (her DD was a few months younger and not walking so hadn't yet got to the stage of moving everything higher or away from ledges out of reach for upright toddlers) and unsurprisingly my son managed to pull it down all over him. Thankfully he wasn't scarred, just shocked and upset but he bounced back and so did we. She was so upset bless and couldn't stop crying but we told her t was an accident and we understood. We are still very close friends and i would hate to think she ever thought she would have to stop being my friend because of an accident.

Don't beat yourself up so much and accept the forgiveness, forgive yourself and move on.

Original poster

lowlandlady · 01/07/2009 12:40

It's true, I did just forget, you're right Aitch, it is mostly about my anxiety. And I feel much better having offloaded AND I'm moving on today to more positive outllook!

OP posts:

katiestar · 01/07/2009 12:48

Really I wouldn't give it another moments thought ,It is a normal human error and must happen over the country a thousand times a day.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/07/2009 12:55

it does happen, my dc 5 was forgotten by a mum at school, she was going to theirs for tea and the friends mum forgot she had arranged it, even though i checked with her in the morning

the school rang me up 5mins after picking up assuming i was late, even though dc said she was meant to be going home with xxx

i was over 30mins away - the reason why i had arranged for the play date - the school obv looked after her till i got there,gave her milk and a biscuit and tbh dc was fine and not upset

tbh i was furious!!! my charges are intrusted in my care,the friends mum rang up my mb to say sorry, but never said sorry to me (and my mb told her to appoligize to me)

i have forgiven her, but I have never forgotten my charges or their friends - and tbh i am wary of her forgetting again

in the op case, if you went yourself, you wouldnt have forgotten, yes you forgot to mention it to your dh

your friend has forgiven you so let it lie

DesperateHousewifeToo · 01/07/2009 12:58

I'm so bad at remembering to collect other people's children that I set an alarm on my mobile to go off at pick-up and remind me.

The scheduled pick-ups are fine as the children remember themselves. It's the walking down the road ''can you just grab dd/ds for me as I have to pop to the shop'' ones that I forget 5mins later .

Luckily, I've only ever got 100yards down the road before remembering said dc!

I agree with whoever said that you should not worry anymore and if the other parents continue to be upset, they are being overly precious.

OrmIrian · 01/07/2009 13:00

But it was a mistake. All is now well. Let it go. I would forgive you in a heartbeat. I don't understand how anyone can bear a grudge over a genuine mistake.

AitchTwoOh · 01/07/2009 17:02

good stuff lowlandlady, i'm glad you're feeling better about it.

Flip

1 2