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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Alone time - i can see that i am, but still...

39 replies

Steaknife · 27/06/2009 10:45

Apologies I am using my phone so cant make paragraphs. DH wants alone time at the weekend, which is fair enough. He says I should use ILs to babysit in the week for my alone time. Again a fair point. So why do I feel cross that he does not take dd for a few hours at the weekend and upset when he wants to do things without us? I am BU arent I?

OP posts:

Original poster

Steaknife · 27/06/2009 20:03

Tasty not tarty

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 27/06/2009 20:05

'DH wants alone time at the weekend, which is fair enough. He says I should use ILs to babysit in the week for my alone time. Again a fair point. So why do I feel cross that he does not take dd for a few hours at the weekend and upset when he wants to do things without us? I am BU arent I?'

You're being unreasonable for putting up with a selfish twonk like you 'D' H.

Don't 'ask' him for 'alone' time at the weekend for yourself.

Just leave. Grab your keys, walk out the door, get in your car or the bus and send him a text, 'Back in 5 hours' or what have you.

End of.

expatinscotland · 27/06/2009 20:06

Bet he cooked and didn't clean up, either.

Original poster

Steaknife · 27/06/2009 20:21

Expat - that is what he was having a sulk about because I did not jump to it and clear the table when he said to. Would love to bugger o ff for a while but unfortunately live in his home town in France and so a bit difficult to just pop round to my mum's for a glass of wine and a moan.

I have sent him a text saying that his behavour is unacceptable and that I am disappointed in him. Which i am sure will go down like a lead balloon.

His view is that as he does more than his friends I should be grateful, which is a flawed argument because I can point out that he does less than my friends' husbands so he should do more.

Silly silly arse. I do genuinely want to find a way to resolve this so that he either understands why it annoys me or that he realises he is being a twunt. Or even if neither of those things happen that he just respects that it upsets me and so doesn't do it.

OP posts:

booyhoo · 27/06/2009 20:27

definitely a case of just going out and leaving him to it. leave the list of whatever dd will need as suggested. however, do not do it after a row!!! ive done this and wasted the whole time huffing and wandering about with nowhere to go. plan it. arrange to meet with friends and then tell him the evening before or dont even tell him til you are atually leaving. and make it a regular thing, not just a one off to prove you can. good luck. your DH sounds like what my OH would have become had we not rowed several times negotiated the lay of the land.

expatinscotland · 27/06/2009 20:29

Show him this thread so he knows that he's being a twunt.

And LEAVE, LEAVE him with her.

All day. Just bugger off. Send him a text telling him when you'll be back and get on the first train that arrives no matter where it's going and stare out the window for hours on end.

expatinscotland · 27/06/2009 20:30

There's no such thing as not having a place to bugger off to, either.

A bus ride, a train.

It doesn't even have to be a plan.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 27/06/2009 20:35

Oooh to sit on a train and read a book and pootle around somewhere and have quiet lunch in a nice place sprog-free...

Sounds wonderful expat!

Steaknife definitely do that

Original poster

Steaknife · 27/06/2009 20:36

Ah that's true Expat. He is actually very good at looking after her, just hasn't done it for any longer than 2 hours since she was 3 months old and we moved back to France. The situation has crept up on me, we lived with his parents for 4 months so it was easy to go out together in the evenings and leave them to it, since we moved into our own place we haven't had an evening out together at all and the only baby free afternoon we had we went to see his brother - nice enough but not exactly quality couple time.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 27/06/2009 20:39

Then he needs his memory jogged.

Leave him, get on a train, tell him when you'll be back.

Drink a bunch of wine or buy some for the return.

Then, if he's sulky when you get back, it'll be like water on a duck's back.

Cut him off with, 'Do you want to share this nice wine, bread and cheese and grapes or no?'

If he expects you to put up with him without sulking, then he can learn to do the same.

cyteen · 27/06/2009 21:05

expat has it right. He is being an arse, and I'm sorry for it because you deserve better. And so does your lovely DD, and tbh so does he.

Childish behaviour like this serves no one. One way or another he'll be having a shit time wherever he is tonight, so what's the point of him throwing a teenage strop in the first place?

Just think of all the fascinating, beautiful places you could reach by a train ride from where you are. And if he tries to kick off you can always tell him you've been practising your French

cyteen · 27/06/2009 21:05

By the way, is it wrong that I'm quite interested in the notion of a tarty dinner?

Original poster

Steaknife · 27/06/2009 21:14

Surely a tarty dinner would be an undressed salad?

OP posts:

LovelyTinOfSpam · 27/06/2009 21:43

I imagined a tarty dinner as one cooked by DH naked except for one of those "comedy" aprons, and with his bum cheeks hanging out the back.

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