to expect my dh to think for himself

[happydaisy]

He works part time, I work full time. He has to pick ds up from school, dd makes her own way home. He never remembers what after school activities they're doing, I've had to draw up a timetable which he can never be bothered to refer to. He never remembers to make dinner so I end up having to do it when I come home. And why is he so slow?? He can spend a whole day at home and only have achieved sorting out the airing cupboard OR cleaning the bathroom!! Is he incapable or very, very clever???

Just been to the local shop and saw this sign by the till:

"If you have a problem, please speak to the man in charge or the woman who knows what is going on."

Probably the other way round in our house but I thought of this thread when I read that. No one person can play both roles in a marriage/partnership otherwise one person is going to feel they are doing everything and the other left feeling undervalued.

I had a friend that compplained her (now ex) dp was never doing anything baout the house but she alswyas complained that he never did it her way I told her I didn't blame him I wouldn't either if all she did was complain.

My dp is actually great around the house he does a lot of chores but they either have to be so badly needing done that he cannot fail to notice or be asked.
On the nights he cooks (most of them) he has to know exactly what he is cooking for who and then asks me if it's ready. I would be just as easy doing it myelf but I don't complain cause it is nice to sit on mumsnet get on with the ironing.

One thing I did notice when my ex left was that we had a subtly different idea of what constituted "This room is now so untidy it needs tidying". Eg, if we imagine a scale between 1 ("has an actual pig in it"), and 10 ("Show-home perfect"), then she'd tidy when it got down to 9 whereas I leave it until it's 7.

The practical upshot of that was that either I tried to remember to tidy to her standards and occasionally failed, or she ended up doing the tidying because she would do it before I thought it needed doing. Both were causes for strife.

ABetaDad Depressingly, my dh asked me to write the list for him (which he now ignores!).

Snorbs ROFL at "has an actual pig in it".

happydaisy - well me and DW have been together 25 years and it did take us until the arrival of children and the 19 year stage to finally crack the division of labour problem.

It was like the siege of Stalingrad but she did give up control of shopping, cooking and cleaning and I left her with the laundry (I am still planning a late counter attack on that issue when the new washing machine arrives) and we share ironing.

Bottom line is he needs to be left with responsibilities for certain areas (not a list or a calender) and then just leave it up to him. Let him fail, make a fool of himself and mend his own ways and then say thank you. Stop mothering him, nagging him, cleaning up after him and back stopping his mistakes. Most of all, you must just stop doing stuff he has agreed to do.