to want to chop the fingers off the little shite that stole my ds' bag?

[helsbels4]

Ds is in yr4 and this week put his bag down on the school field whilst him and his friends messed around played their usual after-school game. Ten/fifteen minutes later, he went to get his bag but it wasn't there. Cue much ranting from me for being so careless and stating that he would be replacing the contents - about £40 worth of stuff out of his own money.

The next day he had to have school dinners (because his lunch-box was in the missing bag) and when he went to collect his money from the class pot, it had vanished.

Well.....to cut a very long story short, it turns out that another child claims he "found" the bag where my ds said he left it but it was empty x 100!!!!!! This child produced the bag but minus the entire contents - school jumper, wet-weather coat, lunch-box, drink bottle, wallet etc etc. He said it was empty when he found it!

This child was given 24hrs to return the contents but hey-presto, he wasn't in school today!

I am absolutely fuming that this little shite has got his filthy, thieving hands on ds' stuff with no real prospect of getting it back.

The school say they are dealing with it but at the mo, that means writing to the mother - big deal. I want to chop his thieving little fingers off so he can't do it again. (ok, dh said that's a bit extreme) but what else can I do??????

Aibu to want to do something very unreasonabe to this little shitester because I am so angry?!

I'd inform the police but do you have any reason to suspect the thieving family will lash out in any way? If so, I'd ask the police for advice about that.

Sadly, helsbels, I think that there are a number of parents out there who are willing to annex other people's belongings - a jumper brought home from school by mistake may not get returned and the parent will just put in a new nametape. [deeply cynical emoticon]

Edam, that is what my instinct is telling me to do but ds' teacher and the head-teacher are urging me to wait until the boy shows up or his mother contacts them.

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ds is worried in case it rains and he hasn't got a coat, so do I go out at the weekend and replace it, even though it might (albeit unlikely) be returned next week and do I buy him a new lunch-box because he really isn't enjoying school dinners - I just don't know!

I just know that I can't afford to buy a school jumper, coat, lunchbox etc etc all in one go and I really can't imagine ds' being returned!

Have the teacher and HT any experience of this child or his family ever doing the right thing and returning stolen goods? It's all very well for them in their position to say 'wait' and want to give the child a chance, but it's not actually very helpful to you or ds.

The fact the brat and his thieving family didn't show up today demonstrates they have no intention of putting anything right.

I think the school need to do more.
If the child is being kept off school without very good reason then the head/secretary needs to make it clear in what ever way, that this is not acceptable and is unlawful (?)
They need to speak asap to the adult who collects the child straight away. He should be told this and kept at school until an adult comes to collect him and told in no uncertain terms that the head needs to speak to his mother/father about a crime that has occurred for which he is under suspicion. This is a crime which the parents ie op is livid and will go to the police and send police around to his parents unless it is sorted out immediately with the school.
Teacher also needs to speak to the whole class (with suspect present) about stealing and that it is WRONG. Re inforce that nobody likes a thief etc etc etc.
YANBU I would be livid too.
Just because he has shit parents comes from a challenging background does not mean that school should not show him right from wrong.
Sounds harsh written down,but the teacher would be able to get the message across in a clearer way.

yanbu.

we have had entire kits disappear. Had good tip of putting extra name tape on the inside of one of the arms (just above the wristband). They dont think to look there!

and yes, whilst you accept the odd thing going missing-esp pe kit- it is obvious that when a whole kit/bag etc goes it has been STOLEN.

my sis had her DSs brand new coat taken and a new name tape put in it-teacher wasnt interested so she walked up to child-said very loudly Jordan-you seem to have xxxs coat and your mummy seems to have put YOUR name it. Ill take it..any problem tell her to speak to me. Other parents were amazed she had the balls to do it!

i think that i would be tempted to tell the school that you are reporting it to the police on Tuesday morning unless every item is returned.

i read some of this thread but i found it harsh you saying 'to want to chop of his fingers'.....

Well perhaps if they did chop fingers off people would be less inclined to do it.

Unfortunately society's reprobation tends to have no effect on families of scummy good-for-nothings whatsoever, because they just don't give a shit.

edam, I haven't actually asked the school whether they think the family will return the items, although I did ask them what the next step would be if he didnt' and they told me to just wait and see first.

risingstar, that's a good tip about the extra name-tag and I shall certainly be doing that in future, even if it does mean double the sewing - (thought the sew-in labels looked so cute when ds first started school. Forgot at the time that I am rubbish at sewing!)

Good on your sis I'm waiting for this child to walk into school waring ds' coat because he came into school on Thursday with his bag - bold as brass!!!!

bluemoon, I have already said I shouldn't have said I want to cut his fingers off and I've already explained that I wrote that because I've heard that is the punishment in some Eastern country like Japan or something for stealing. It stops the person doing it again. I was very angry when I wrote the op but of course I wouldn't harm this child - although he might receive a few long, menacing stares from me.

shineon, you would only be irritated The trouble is, my son has been brought up to have morals and respect for others and their property and when he put a bag down to play on school premises and was only playing 100m away, I don't think it occured to him for a second that someone would take his bag!

Why does he have to have school dinners just because his lunch pack is missing? Can you not do as I do if DS forgets his at school - use a sandwhich bag?

Yes I could do but I must admit, I'm a bit over-the-top regarding ice-packs and keeping food cool. I once saw a family selling these insulated lunch bags and ice-packs because their young daughter had died after eating her lunch that hadn't been kept cool. She got food poisoning and died and I have been paranoid about it ever since

So that's not really an option tbh.

Fair enoough.

hels, wouldn't it be cheaper to buy him a lunch bag than put him on school meals indefinitely till (or if) his stuff is returned? At my dd's school after every school show they put out all the unclaimed stuff from the lost and found box (you'd be surprised at the number of clothes that gets accumulated!) and tell the parents to help themselves if they want. Does your son's school do the same, you could easily get a jumper or ten from there.

If you are really sure that boy took your ds' bag, why don't you go round to their house and ask for your stuff back?

he's nine.
Be angry with his family, or the school or your son for leaving stuff unguarded.
But the boy in question is nine, and you are directing a lot of anger and vitriol at a child.
Your son, given the same experiences from birth as his class mate may well have ended up in the same situation and with the same attitude.
When I meet a child who is a total fuckup, I always wonder ' What broke you? What happened to you to make you this horrible individual?'

Nekabu, I'm too scared to go and knock on their door because I'd probably get a right bashing! They're not the most decent of people and the school want me to let them deal with it first.

Megapixels, no our school doesn't do that unfortunately. At the end of every term, they leave the lost property box outside the main doors and after that, it all gets taken to the local charity shop. Oh and I've just bought him a cheapy Tesco value insulated lunch bag for about a £1, so he doesn't have to endure enjoy the school dinners anymore

Shineon, how can it be an over-reaction to call the police? As I said earlier, it wouldn't be because of the boy's involvement - I'm quite happy for the school to deal with that but because his adult relative was actively involved in the theft and in my book, theft is an offence is it not?

This relative can't be punished by the school, so am I supposed to just let her get away with stealing someone else's possessions? Oh and don't worry, my son has had a right ear-bashing for walking off and leaving his bag (even if he should be able to do that at primary school imo).

My guess would be if he was seen with the bag and had an adult with him and has not pitched up in school you have little hope of getting anything back.

My guess would be if he returned to school and was caught stealing jumpers his parents did not want to pay out for more school clothes for him.

I think you should report it to the police, might stir him up a bit if he thinks the police are involved.

I understand how you fell.

Thanks Kimi . Tbh, on Thursday and Friday I was all ready to go straight to the police - especially as my brother works for Sussex police and he said I should) but now I've calmed down a bit (and I'm scared they'll put a brick through my window or something) I'm thinking of just letting the school deal with it. That's a bit pathetic isn't it but I've been so angry and wound up by the injustice of it all and tbh it's starting to drag me down and I just want to put it behind us.

Part of me though, still wants his relative to apologise at least for her involvement in it. Fat chance of that happening though.

It is hard when you teach your own kids right from wrong, work hard for the things you have and take pride in your accomplishments, and then have to deal with shitwipe like this who think taking what they want and being nasty anti-social scumbags is ok

That's exactly it Kimi. If my son ever stole anything I would come down on him so hard but this boy had a relative accomplice! How do you explain to your child that yes, you should be able to put your bag down because it would never occur to you that someone would steal it but then have to go about day to day at school knowing that this child is a blatant thief?!
I was worried that this child was maybe picking on my ds because his entire lunch-money disappeared from the pot the next day and the school for some reason think this same child was responsible for that (I don't know what they know that I don't) but from what I have been told, it's not just my son's things that have been taken. It's just a case of getting proof because this boy's usual reaction is to cry, say it wasn't him and nobody can do anything about it. It's very frustrating.

I think you need to be very assertive with the school and in how they deal with this.

I would be mortified if either of my children stole something.

I think you need to take action yourself.
I was assulted in senior school and the head begged me not to call the Police as they would deal with it.
Well their idea of dealing with it was to suspend her and then revoke the suspension as her parents were getting divorced, which I see on facebook hasn't happened 20 years later
I wouldn't fall for that bollox when it comes to my children, at 10 the child can be prosecuted.

YANBU. He needs to be dealt with now or in a few years time he'll be just like the w**r who stole my purse from my car last night.