I'm cross with dh (again). But I have a feeling that MN is going to be on his side (again). Which might put me straight (again), which can only be a good thing.

[emkana]

Dh took day off yesterday to take girls to school in the morning (I had to go somewhere else), to take his car in for a service and to see dd1 at her sports day (I couldn't go, or rather I preferred taking ds to a teddy bears picnic). After school the dd's like to go to the park for a play with their friends, which is slightly out of our way. Dd1 was really keen to do this for dh and asked him the night before, but he didn't say yes (didn't say no clearly either). So sports was on from after lunch until pick up time, then straight after dd wanted to go to the park for a bit, dh said no. Dd got really upset and apparently had a bit of a tantrum in the playground, dh just started walking home with her following in tears.

I think it wouldn't have killed him to let her have 15 minutes, he says he needed to fetch his car from the car dealers and to run another errand and that I should tell off dd not him for having a tantrum in the playground.

so who is bu?

I feel a bit sorry for your DD that you'd choose to not go to her sports day

Doh

to be fair kitsmummy, you dont know why Emkana wasn't at the sports day.

Emkana - swap DH's with you? Mine works away Mon-Fri so during the weekend, he'll say yes to DD for everything because he hasn't been home. Which I get, but its annoying!

Not fair, kitsmummy. Emkana's DD had her father there and was excited by that. Why throw in a dig at OP?

Your dh should have known to spell it out to dd a bit better so as to head off potential tantrum, but I think it was his call and you need to back him up.

And kitsmummy - have you more than one child? Sometimes things clash - OP has said she was somewhere else with a younger child. I'm sure she didn't say to her dd 'actually darling I can't be arsed with sports day this year'.

Elf, she said she preferred to go to teddy bear's picnic instead. I know people can't always attend school dos, but if they're able to I think it's a bit mean to chose not to go. Probably wrong of me to throw that in cos isn't really relevant to the aibu, but I thought the op sounded a bit self righteous about DH when i didn't think she was setting a brilliant parenting example herself

She has more than one child though and (presumably) only the ability to be in one place at a time. Sometimes you have to choose.

Kitsmummy, why is the DS's teddy bear's picnic less important that the DD's sports day? Would it be 'poor DS, sad she couldn't take him to the picnic?' if it was the other way.

I say lucky kids to have both parents involved and attending things.

Anyway, sorry to hijack.

My parents used to say "we'll see" to requests alot, and tell us to shut up or it was definitely no if we get badgering them. Perhaps your H should have said "we'll see" to this when asked. Agree though that a tantrum isn't on at 8 years old, and if husband looking after her up to him if he goes to park.
He'll wish he'd stayed at work if he gets all this aggro for looking after her.

Kitsmummy,I think Emkana has several children.I have nt ds and sn dd and sometimes it is very difficult juggling,and sometimes when you have a sn child you have added extra guilt that you are not giving them enough it is a minefield.....

"he says he needed to fetch his car from the car dealers and to run another errand and that I should tell off dd not him for having a tantrum in the playground."

Did he not do it himself?

It wouldn't have killed him no, but a tamtrum is a bit much.

I have 2 kids and imo a teddy bear's picnic is obviously nice but could quite easily be replaced by another nice treat another day and presumably child is young and may not be that aware of missing it anyway. A sports day is a once a year event and, in a similar way to a school play, a big deal for kids and a chance to make their parents pround and the kind of thing where you want your parents there to support you. Yes, DH was there so at least one parent was there etc, I was merely responding to what I thought was a slightly off attitude of the op saying she preferred not to go. That's how I see it anyway, sorry to hijack thread.

Wrinklytum, what does nt mean? Am sure with SN it's a whole different ball game

NT = Neurologically Typical iirc

YABU.

Oh dear am confusing everyone1IIRC Emkana ds has a conditon but IS nt but has sn.DD has sn and learning delay while Emkana ds is intellectually fab but has sn if that makes sense.What I am sying is sometimes as a sn parent I feel total guilt idf I do notattend dd sn stuff but at the same time I don't want nt d to feel left out.Oh bugger its getting complex!

i dont see how you are cross with DH

sad for your dd but not cross with yoru dh.

you are all unreasonable, and my dh would bheave just in the same way

or i would.
that's life

In balance tbh I would rather attend a teddy bears picnic than a sports day,if I were honest,lol!

I think it is up to the one in charge of the DC at the time to do it their way.

Well Mumsnet to the rescue again and matters between dh and me are now cleared up.

kitsmummy, I think having one parent there is enough, and I think dd appreciated it being her daddy for once, because I'm a SAHM and normally do everything, including helping out on her school trips etc. So I def will not feel guilty for not going to the sports day. The teddybear's picnic I went to is an annual event which is very special and I didn't want to miss it as much for my sake as for my ds.

Ok, apologies emkana, sounds like i was probably out of order