to think that *both* parents should decide if a child is to be christened???

[Boys2mam]

My DB is separated from his W - they have a 5 y.o son together (my DN)

W called DB yesterday and announced she is having DN christened in Oct. She is not religious that I am aware of (they were together aprox 3 yrs prior to DN's birth so I have known her about 7 yrs).

Its just weird. Who christens their child when they are not actively practicing the religion themselves? (I was christened way back when, when it was the 'normal' thing to do when children were babies) and who does so without the fathers consent or even knowledge, let alone his blessing!?! Are you even allowed to do this? They were not married when my DN was born but he is on the birth certificate as father and has parental responsibility.

I need some perspective here ladies - or am I being U??

She hasn't done it without your DB knowledge though has she, not if it doesn't take place until October. Is she barring him from going?

Interesting that she is allowed to do this as the vicar at our church won't baptise any child unless their parents are married. Not necessarily something I agree with but also not an unusual decision either.

Maybe it does mean something to DB's W - you don't know if it is something that she has always wanted to do but being with your DB has stopped her - not saying he has been controlling in any way but that she compromised/kept quiet for his sake. I would presume they had some sort of discussion about religion when they got married so she must know if views.

As for whether YABU - sorry, I think yes. I don't understand why you are furious? It isn't up to you and your DB still has time to be involved if he wants to. As for whether he should have a say in whether his DS is baptised at all - if it means nothing to him then why would he care and if does mean something then he should be glad it is being done and he doesn't have to organise it.

Ooh thats interesting MachuPicchu - just admit I didn't ask too many questions about why they had to get christened to get married they just said it had to be done.

OP Have changed my mind - YANBU (and might even change my mind about getting DS christened now....)

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest.

I will never understand why non-religious people have their children christened.

I was under the impression that one of the couple getting married in a CofE had to be christened/baptised. Unless they've changed it, that certainly was the case.

There's a fairly recent law I think, but it has to do with which church you can get married in. According to the website I posted, these are the criteria for getting married in a particular CofE church:

That one of you:

• was baptised in the parish concerned or
• was prepared for confirmation in the parish or
• has at any time lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
• has at any time regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

• has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
• has regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents or grandparents:

• was married in the parish

As I said though, that's only for CofE in England, so other denominations will have different rules.

Niecie I'm furious that this silly girl woman has gone off and done her own thing without thinking about the other half of her sons family. I know its not up to me, or really my business, which is why I'm ranting on here rather than upsetting my DB. I can see him confused and I told him I was going to ask Mumsnet

My DB in still 'invited' , which I think is ridiculous as he should be more involved than that.

I agree Flowery, I think as long as he is allowed to be involved in the decision making from now on its just a case of letting her get on with it.

Thanks Ladies

Rollergirl - they usually ask for regular attendance as well so you better start getting yourself down there every Sunday!

it has always been traditional that you had to be baptised to be married in church. however, the church recognises modern lifestyle and things are changing. baptism is also free (in the c of e) so that money is no bar to families getting their children baptised. many do it just because it's the done thing, however, as someone who is fairly religious, is it such a bad thing? it acknowledges the birth of a child, as a family and community you promise to support the child. it also does this within a recognised framework which happens to be religious. there are plenty of other ways to celebrate a childs birth but baptism is valid choice. it may in someway give comfort to people with the 'old fashioned' view of it being the entry to eternal life.
it is however an important decision and one i do think both parents should take so i hope the dad is able to take more part in the christening and planning.