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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to watch my DS play football?

16 replies

hatesponge · 23/06/2009 18:53

DS is 8 & plays for a local youth team.

Until his dad and I split up last year I used to go most weekends and watch him (though I confess when it was freezing and snow on ground etc I tended to give it a miss...). When we split up I stopped going only because we were essentially avoiding each other & his dad is one of the coaches (and therefore has to be there).

In my mind, this was a short term solution until we - and the DC - got used to us not being together as a couple. So a couple of weeks ago, I started going again.

DS's Dad has now said he doesn't want me turning up to matches as he finds it awkward me being there, and that it is confusing the DC. I know that the woman he is seeing (who I'm not supposed to know about) wasn't happy about it and had a go at him - or so I've been told via friends who know her.

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong in wanting to watch DS (he was really pleased last time I came) but am wiling to accept I might be seeing it simply from proud mummy point of view.

so, AIBU?

OP posts:

gerontius · 23/06/2009 18:55

YANBU. Not sure how it could be confusing the DC....you have just as much right as him to go and see your son play football.

PeedOffWithNits · 23/06/2009 18:57

it is nothing to do with him or his new woman, you go for your son, and rightly so, as long as you (and I am sure you are ) are staying away from them and not causing a scene

idobelieveinfairies · 23/06/2009 18:57

You have every right to go and watch your son play football, and i know from many many years of watching my boys play football that they love having their families there to watch their goal scoring/goal keeping or good defending.

Tell him to get lost and if he doesn't like it then perhaps he should stay away or watch from the car!!!

What a cheek!

Why would it be confusing to the children??

ingles2 · 23/06/2009 19:02

What's it got to do with Dh's girlfriend if you want to go and watch ds play football!!!! Honestly...
Remind your ex that as coach he wouldn't be asking other mothers to stay away and he has no right to stop you from watching either!

piscesmoon · 23/06/2009 19:23

YANBU!! It is a very simple thing that a mother should be able to do. If DH and his gf have a problem I would leave it firmly with them-it is their problem. I would just look quite surprised, remain very calm and just tell them it is their problem and they deal with it-change the subject and don't get drawn into further discussion. There is nothing that could possibly confuse your DS.

Kimi · 23/06/2009 19:34

YANBU in the least, how can two parents both supporting their child be confusing?

Tell your Ex to grow up, and if his girlfriend does not like it tell her to fuckoff

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/06/2009 19:41

yanbu

cheeky fucker of an ex!!!

if HE has a problem with you being there, then he needs to resign from being coach and not turn up himself!!

mamas12 · 23/06/2009 20:38

omg what an arse

Go for your son.

I have been in this situation my ds is v. sporty and there a lot of events to go to
I tend not to go the 'every day' ones but go to the major ones and the presentation nights etc. anyone that he wants me to really and I take my sister and her partner and anyone else in my family who wants to support him.

Why don';t you take your sis or someone. and take no notice of the childish ones ignore then and concentrate on your dc.

Original poster

hatesponge · 23/06/2009 22:48

am so relieved the consensus is that IANBU

DS's Dad is an utter arse (thankfully DS is nothing like him!), but has such a way of saying things that despite KNOWING he's wrong, he gets me doubting myself.

I do understand he was upset when we split up (he is very much a head in the sand type, and thought as long as we didnt discuss any problems, everything was fine!) & thats why I kept my distance.

I don't think he still has any feelings for me now (other than as mother of his child etc) but I suspect his girlfriend feels insecure & this is where its all coming from.....I know when we split he said he felt a failure to be single so suppose he is doing what he can to keep the peace with her, and of course because he is an arse he can't just be honest about it, he has to make it out that I'm in the wrong. Sigh!

I think I'm going to offer not to go to every match/tournament/etc but every other one or something, & stand separately from them if need be & see what reaction that gets. However I really don't want to give up going again having not been already for almost a year.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 23/06/2009 23:18

Keep going hatesponge Your son will really appreciate it.
yes stand apart from him and just be polite and the more you go the more he will get used to it. This is how life is now.
You will get the odd awkwardness from other parents there but the same goes the more normal it becomes the better it will be.
Don't miss out on anything you want to see your son do.

Thunderduck · 23/06/2009 23:23

YANBU. And your ex is an idiot. He's using your son as an excuse when really it's bothering him and his gf.

It isn't about him, or you, it's about supporting your son, and he needs to grow up and make what's best for your son his priority.

barnsleybelle · 23/06/2009 23:36

YANBU... at all...go go go...

roulade · 24/06/2009 12:09

Go to all the matches you want to go to, none of this every other one rubbish!
He is being unreasonable, if his gf has a problem then tough! Ds is your son too so why should you miss out?

Kimi · 24/06/2009 12:35

Hatesponge, you and your ex are the parents, where as the girlfriend is nothing to do with your son, even if she is with your EX for the next 50 years, she has no right to say what things you can and can not attend, her feelings do not count in matters of your child, if she is that insecure that standing in public at a football match sends her in to one tell her to go on a diet and get a hair cut.

Original poster

hatesponge · 24/06/2009 20:02

Kimi you have made me chuckle - the new gf is about half my weight, and a few years younger than I am!

(of course, she is nowhere near as beautiful as me )

OP posts:

Kimi · 25/06/2009 08:01

Yes but YOU are the mother of HIS children.

Bet she has an IQ of 3 then

Would he ask the divorced parents of any other child to stay away? NO.

Go and watch, our children grow so fast, things like childhood football teams, school sports days, really bad school plays are all gone in the blink of an eye really, please do not miss out on one moment of it because of this stupid man and his silly shag buddy.

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