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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with my mum choosing clothes for my dd which she then expects me to pay for?

47 replies

ino · 23/06/2009 17:48

My mum often produces an item of clothing that she has gone out and bought for dd, who is 7. Then she expects me to pay for it. I say 'No, if you want to buy her something that's fine but I want to choose her clothes, myself thanks'

To this she replies 'oh, ok if you don't want her to have anything nice to wear'.

This really annoys me. To me it seems like a way for her to control what dd wears and to get me to pay for it.

And dd gets plenty of nice stuff - I buy it all in Boden or Gap.

AIBU?

OP posts:

kitkatqueen · 23/06/2009 19:06

Regina - that is awful.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 23/06/2009 19:18

You are fecking kidding me?

Please tell me you are not still speaking to these people!

Lovesdogsandcats · 23/06/2009 19:19

Regine, you said you were'fuming'?? Were you not devestated?

And what kind of vet does this, not your own I assume? I really do not know any vet who would do this, sot hey must have lied and said they were their dogs, also on what grounds did they ask the vet to euthanise?

I am astounded that you even speak to these people. I would have got the police on them and then fucked them off for good.

Reginamygina · 23/06/2009 19:39

Well, as you can imagine, there is a long history of weird behaviour between the ils and Dp. An example: Ils used to leave their 2 kids at their grandmother's, go on holiday for 2 weeks, come back but not come and pick them up, sometimes for about 3 weeks...not even come and say hello or nothing, despite living down the road.

I was devastated and shocked (still am), and also pissed off at Dp's decision to let it go. They were his dogs really, and they're his parents, so I respected his choice.

And no, they never look after my children. Never have, never will.

PS: I could entertain you all all night with mil and fil horror stories, but I feel bad about hijacking ino's thread about her mil buying clothes for her DD and demanding the money back. Sorry again ino.

FairLadyRantALot · 23/06/2009 19:55

OMG Regina...that is awful...I am totally speechless....I don't think I could ever find it in me to ever talk to someone that had done something like that....

LyraSilvertongue · 23/06/2009 20:22

Regina, start another thread. I wanna hear some more shocking stories.

trixymalixy · 23/06/2009 22:16

Regina

OP YANBU

MoominMymbleandMy · 24/06/2009 00:55

Ino, as others have said, don't pay. You don't have to have a row over it, just say politely that your DD has heaps of clothes and you really can't afford to buy any more

Regina, I am aghast at your story. Your in-laws are monsters.

ChippingIn · 24/06/2009 01:02

Ino - YANBU. She's being controlling, thoughtless and rude. Continue refusing to pay, with the strength of MN behind you

Regina - DH would not have stood a hope in hell of me calling the police if his parents had done that. Nor would either of us be talking to them ever again. You must be a lot more forgiving than me, but I can't believe this hasn't come between you and your DH.

Original poster

ino · 24/06/2009 09:23

Crikey - just caught up with this. Thanks for replies. Regina - that is beyond evil and I can't imagine how you came to terms with it or are still in contact with your PIL Your dh needs to be on the stately homes thread!

OP posts:

Reginamygina · 24/06/2009 09:47

Well, it's a difficult one for me really.

All the ils stories do come between us, 99% of the arguments we have are about them.
They live in the same village as us, and are Dp's only family left (well apart from us obviously). He lost his brother when he was 20, and it has badly affected all of them. So I think Dp is trying to avoid confrontations with them at all costs.

I personally have had a few run-ins with Mil, but mostly try to support Dp as much as I can, as it can't be easy for him either.

And also they think I am the evil one for never letting the girls go to their grandparents without me there to supervise. (They think they have done us a huge favour by having the dogs put down and that we are ungrateful). and .

Ino, considering my extensive experience of inappropriate inlaw behaviour, nip it in the bud and don't let her start that game with you.

2rebecca · 24/06/2009 09:59

I'd refuse to pay for them, tell her to only buy clothes if she wants to buy them as a present but that if you're paying you prefer to pay and think the clothes you choose are nice.
Your mum sounds quite mean.

bethoo · 24/06/2009 10:01

Regina that is f%%^% terrible. had it been me i dont think i would have ever spoken to them ever again. but before that they would have known exactly how i felt about them and their actions. i cant beleive people od this but then my nana put her husbands dog down when he left her!

2rebecca · 24/06/2009 10:03

Regina's inlaws sound awful. Why didn't they put the dogs in kennels and give you the bill if they didn't want to look after them. Surprised a vet will put down animals just being looked after by someone, esp if in same village so I'd presume same vets. Sounds odd. I'd be avoiding them and rarely visiting. Wouldn't have paid the bill.

bethoo · 24/06/2009 10:03

sorry Ino YANBU tell her not to get any clothes if she is not doing it becaue she loves her granchildren.
it is a way of control i am afraid.

bethoo · 24/06/2009 10:05

i think had i been given the bill i would have replied ''but then that would make me an accessory to murder'' that is how strongly i feel about it. if anyone did that to any of my animals i would swing i think!

Greensleeves · 24/06/2009 10:05

Next time she does it, just say "It irks me when you do this, if you want to buy her something as a present that's fine, but if I am going to buy her clothes I would rather choose them myself"

regina I would never, ever speak to those people again. Neither would I ever expose my children to them again.

Reginamygina · 24/06/2009 15:52

Well my brother is a vet (so is his wife), they have their own vet hospital. He said he has never seen anything like it in his whole career (bringing 2 healthy dogs to be put down at once).

Anway, Fil has helped me take the dogs to the vets numerous times, therefore the vet knew him. The dogs and Fil have the same surname, so I guess the vet just went by that to assume ownership. Anyway, FIl's nickname in the whole region is "The Colonel", when he decides something, it's very rare he gets any opposition (apart from me, but I am still intimidated by him). At the time, I was too all over the place to think of ringing the vet to be honest.

Anyway, it wasnt really an option for me to stop talking to them, we live in a small village, I just grin and bear it and that's it. We don't celebrate anything together, we don't go out together, I go to their house once a fortnight for an hour with the girls and that's it, they don't come round here anymore much. I'm being polite to avoid shitty tension, that's all.

TwoSunnyDays · 24/06/2009 16:46

Regina, it sounds as if you are handling them really well! I have MIL issues and will be looking at your posts for tips!

lizziemun · 24/06/2009 16:52

Regina

I'm shocked that anyone would do that.

I think i would have looked up the cost of that swiss hospital and passed it to fil and told him he will be to much bother to look after .

Ino

YANBU

I would remind her that you don't ask her to spend her money so could she please do the same.

ClaireDeLoon · 24/06/2009 16:56

Regina that is awful I am in shock that anyone could do such a thing

Lovesdogsandcats · 25/06/2009 00:00

polite to avoid shitty tension?
I would leave my dh if he had not taken my side over this and fucked his parents off for good. Those poor dogs. How can you even look at them, it is an injustice to the memory of your pets

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