To not send DD to nursery simply because she doesn't want to go.

[lucyellensmumisgreat]

Sometimes DD will say she doesn't want to go to nursery - im not sure she really positively actually doesn't want to go. Anyway, yesterday she said she didn't want to go, she was adamant and i didn't send her. It turned out she was running a temperature. I think she is just run down as we have had a busy few weeks. So i didn't send her. On cue this morning she didn't want to go. Still seems a bit sniffly but temp fine. I didn't send her. So tomorrow of course.........

My feeling is, she doesn't have to legally attend nursery so surely if she really doesn't want to go then why should i send her. I am SAHM so it doesnt mess up work or anything. She is nearly 4 and starts school in september. Now obviously it becomes a whole different ball game when she starts school as she HAS to go. So i don't want to be setting a precident then do i, that she doesn't have to go to nursery. Also, i do wonder if its just the getting ready and trapsing to nursery that she doesn't want to do - she always has fun when she gets there.

Obviously the past couple of days have been slightly different as she was running a temp and feeling a bit grotty , well enough to go if she had to though. But she has done this before and 9 times i make her go.

What do you ladies think?

LEM As far as i am aware you can only be fined if your children is of compulsory school age.

As someone very rightly said if you have a summer baby and wait until the autumn term of year 1 to send your child to school you will have to reapply and probably won't get your first choice school. Therefore if you feel they are too young for school your best option is to keep them in nursery as you still receive the funding for that up until they are 5 and start them in reception for the summer term or perhaps a bit earlier if you think they are ready (if they don't start reception by the summer term you lose the place and have to reapply)

Or start them in reception earlier on and do just mornings til you feel they are ready to go for longer. Some LEAs do it so all the children start in september but the autumn born children go full time in september, the spring born children do mornings only and then go full time in january and the summer born children do mornings only and then go full time in april. Even if your school or lea doesn't do this but you feel it would benefit your child to do something similar you just have to inform the head this is what you will be doing and they can't actually stop you (but they might try to convince you that they can

I know Piffle kept her DS back until he was 5 and he is now above average for his age so it certainly didn't hold him back. Also fircone let her DD do mornings only in reception except for the last 3 weeks of the summer term when she went full time. The teachers agreed the part time structure had worked really well for her and she is now doing fine in year 1 with no worries or concerns about her reading and writing. Anyone considering deferring until later on in the year or going for mornings only for a while might want to CAT either of them for their opinions and advice?

IMO If they are tired or struggling to keep up with their friends or stay awake they won't be enjoying it - and you really don't want to reinforce that feeling in their very first year of school.

Sidge that is why we opted for a church run preschool that is very flexible with regard to how often they go as opposed to a state school nursery which are very inflexible and insist that they attend all 5 sessions to get the funding.

DDSAS - THANKYOU for the email offer, that is so kind of you. I have been in a bit of a state today, but its a localised crisis as it were. Im ok now .

hmmmmmmmmmmmm tricky

obv if ill, then dont send

if they really dont want to go,you dont want to make them unhappy

but

when they go to school, they wont get a choice, so i think it would be good for your dd to get used to going every day, as she will in september

so next time she says she doesnt want to go, have a boring day, maybe drag her food shopping, make her play on own while you do the ironing, dont see a friend etc

bet she will go next time

nappyaddict regarding preschool funding it does seem to vary depending on the provider/LEA, not necessarily whether the preschool is attached to a school or not.

I was told when DD2 had a split preschool place that we had to ensure we filled in forms for both and intended to attend fairly regularly. Apparently the childcare provider can be fined if they are receiving funding for a child that isn't attending regularly (but what constitutes regularly I wouldn't know!)

I certainly wouldn't take an ill child to nursery, or drag a child kicking and screaming to nursery/preschool, but if I knew that s/he really didn't want to go and was not going to be attending most sessions then I would inform the management. Then they can reallocate the place to someone else or remove my child from the lists so that there's no possibility of them getting in trouble for receiving funding for a child that isn't actually attending.

Is it possible to hijack one's own thread? Its just that nappyaddict, i was wondering how your little boy was doing? He was poorly if i remember? I flounced, and im probably not sticking around - this mnet thing sucks up time in a way that makes me think its a parallel universe but unlike narnia it makes time inthe real world go by far too quickly! How is he? Hope he is doing OK.

Just looked at your profile NA, some lovely pics there - but i have to say this, your dad (is that your dad?) He's a dead ringer for David Jason!

Yeah everyone says he looks like him!! DS is doing ok. We had our initial appointment with SALT at the beginning of this month so just waiting for a programme to come back for that. The early years SN service have been in touch and we will find out next week if he's got a place at the specialist nursery or if he will continue where he is but with some extra support 1 session a week. He's got an assessment in a children's unit at the hospital in September to see if we can rule out autism. It's all very hectic but we seem to be moving forward

Glad you are back lemisg. I was wondering where you were (wondering about your DDs job, too ..)

Re: your OP, I was fairly hard-line about attendance at playgroup, but Bucharest's post is good.

We have had the same thing with a little 6 year old who was allowed to miss football - still go but not play - because he said his tummy hurt. The next week his ankle hurt, the next week it was raining too hard (drizzle) and on it goes.

I simply told him to come back when he can commit to being on a team. He likes seeing his friends but will not get on the field. It's stressful for his mum, it's bad for him as he is getting increasingly upset - as each week the mother's determination to get him on the pitch increases so he has to wail louder etc.

I would give her a day you are starting back at nursery, prepare her for that and then take her.

Ds loves being at school, but he is hard to motivate back after an illness. I usually make him do some school work at home if it's something like a cold so that he doesn't get used to watching DVDs all day.

For me it would depend on whether she enjoyed it once she was there. I put monumental effort into jollying my dd into going to nursery because I know that she loves it once she's there. If she didn't want to go, and was unhappy while she was there I would not make her go.

The argument that she won't get a choice when she is older and it is school doesn't really hold water. She's not older yet, and it isn't school. That's like saying don't lie in on the weekends because you won't be able to when it's Monday morning.

Ah ok, so i think i pretty much agree with everyone - I don't usually keep her off, but she was poorly (but i didn't find this out until after i decided not to send her). Just didn't want to feel like a tyrant making her go in if she didn't want to.

If she doesn't want to go and if you don't need her, why on earth should she go? She'll have to go to school every day soon enough - why start now????

I sent her today - i did get some token resistance, but I just ignored it and got her dressed anyway - by the time we left the house she was happy to go and show them her new dance - what that is mind, i don't know!

good to hear