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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my Nanny to say thank you

25 replies

Tummum · 22/06/2009 21:15

The situation is that I have a Nanny who is looking after DD1 (5) and DD2 (3) & comes to my home every day. I am currently on ML with DS (7wks) and am personally finding it quite difficult us all being in the same house & I know she is too, but I will be going back to work in Jan and need to keep the Nanny employed in the meantime.

Anyway, one of DD1s school friend's Mum's asked me for some advice about what to do in September when she has 3 DC at 3 different schools. I suggested that my Nanny could pick up her DD at the same time as my DD to help her out. Nanny has now agreed this arrangement and will be paid separately by DD1's friend's Mum. Nanny has taken this all in her stride and not said one word of thanks to me, which I am quite by. AIBU to expect at least a thank you for agreeing that is is OK for this to happen and for the Nanny to use my house to look after DD1's friend?

OP posts:

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 22/06/2009 21:17

What?

It was you that suggested this, not your nanny asking if she could do it and it is only right that she gets paid for it.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 22/06/2009 21:18

And she is looking after your friends child, not using your house to look after her child or her friends child.

Rindercella · 22/06/2009 21:18

You're serious aren't you?

squeaver · 22/06/2009 21:18

Sounds like you're spending too much time together and letting things like this get to you.

Alternatively, maybe your nanny felt she couldn't say no?

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 22/06/2009 21:20

Am I missing something?

Isn't it your friend who should be thanking you for a) finding a solution to her problem, and b) letting her use your house to look after her dd?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 22/06/2009 21:20

Your nanny ought to thank you for arranging for her to do your friend a favour?
Er, no.
I think you are looking for reasons to be annoyed with your nanny because you consciously or subconsciously resent having to pay her while you are on mat leave.

Thunderduck · 22/06/2009 21:21

YABU,Your friend should thankyou. I see no reason for your nanny to do so.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 22/06/2009 21:22

have you considered that perhaps your nanny doesn't even want to do this, but feels she has to because this is her boss's friend?

ingles2 · 22/06/2009 21:22

YABU...I not surprised if you have a 7 week old and feel the nanny is under your feet, but still ....unreasonable... sorry.

poppy34 · 22/06/2009 21:24

Erm yabu - you seem to have presented your nanny with a fait accompli and then think she'll like it. Plus have you actually spoken to your nanny about how se feels about you being at home? Was it ever discussed about how you would both deal with this if you were at home as I know nannies views on this differ hugely.

Thunderduck · 22/06/2009 21:24

Hecate makes a good point. She might be reluctant to undertake this, but feels that she can't say so.

Nancy66 · 22/06/2009 21:26

So you arranged extra work load for your nanny without clearing it with her first - but think she would be grateful to you?

Original poster

Tummum · 22/06/2009 21:26

You're all right... I didn't think at all that the Nanny would have felt pressured. Thanks. BTW I think it's totally OK for the Nanny to be paid (and that's why I suggested it and extra income for her, not to help DD1's friend out).

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 22/06/2009 21:27

Nanny acted on your requests at your behest.You and yoyr friend shouldthank her for eing so accomodating and acting outwith original role watching another child

Original poster

Tummum · 22/06/2009 21:27

And I did, of course, speak to the Nanny 1st before suggesting it to friend.

OP posts:

squeaver · 22/06/2009 21:28

I have a friend in a very similar situation - 2 young dcs and on mat leave with the 3rd. She has a nanny with whom she has a fantastic relationship.

Before she finished work they both drew up a weekly schedule which is basically designed to keep them both apart as much as possible. So the nanny takes the two older ones out in the morning. When they come back for a nap, friend goes out for a walk with the baby. Then one or other goes out in the afternoon with one or more dcs. Sometimes, my friend also goes out by herself for an hour or so.

Works really, really well for them.

scottishmummy · 22/06/2009 21:30

yes a schedule and planning is good idea.perhaps it feels funny both of you knocking about together

Original poster

Tummum · 22/06/2009 21:32

Great idea Squeaver & Scottishmummy, think I need to be more structured in the day rather than bumbling along.

OP posts:

Noonki · 22/06/2009 21:34

I find it a bit sad that you want to keep them all from under your feet. I could understand for a couple of hours so you could have a sleep but the rest of time?

do you not get on well with her ?

paisleyleaf · 22/06/2009 21:35

She couldn't really say 'no' could she?

scottishmummy · 22/06/2009 21:38

plus mutually can work for both of you,with good planning you can keep out each other hair. you do have a lot going on too.both you and nanny adapting and close proximity to each other

congratulationon new we baby

pickyvic · 22/06/2009 23:10

yes yabu. did you ask how the nanny felt about having 3 children 5 or under to care for? flip side is your nanny may feel totally taken advantage of. i hope you get it all sorted.

MissSunny · 22/06/2009 23:27

Message withdrawn

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/06/2009 19:30

though why should your nanny be grateful that you are allowing her to look after your friends child in your house?

firstly well done for keeping your nanny while you are ml - obv it is a big expsense, i have had 3 mb's on ml and have ALWAYS stayed, but know many nannys where their mb asks tells them to find another job for 4/6mths ie while mb is on ml - then expect their nanny to come back again

it is hard for both nanny and mb when both are at home and also very hard on children, who often do play up as sometimes the mb is more lientant then the nanny

i have to say i enjoyed my current mb when she was on ml, i would do my job as normal looking after 2 and 5yr,go out/tell them off etc and often have nb as well, esp in the first few weeks as mb was poorly after giving birth(neede a blood tranfusion)

one day a week i would have nb and mb would take out older 2 so that they have mummy time and didnt feel pushed left out

i am glad you asked your nanny first, and yes the extra money will come in handy, but having someone elses child every day is also a burden

moondog · 23/06/2009 19:32

Blimey, some people.

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