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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to warn a stranger of the dangers of rear-facing car seats and airbags?

44 replies

GoodWitchGlinda · 18/06/2009 13:16

I just spotted a rear-facing baby seat in the front passenger seat of a car with a passenger airbag in the dash in front of the seat.

I know this is extremely dangerous and can risk causing fatal injuries, so I put a note on the windscreen.

Maybe it could be considered a little interfering on my part, and not sure if the driver will take kindly, but I just couldn't walk past knowing that that baby was in potential danger.

I hope the driver will see that I was trying to prevent something awful happening.

But was I BU to do this? Wondering now if I should have kept my nose out...

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 18/06/2009 16:00

Goodwitch Our car can have the front airbag switched off, but only by a garage/dealer. It doesn't have a switch in the car IYSWIM

YAStillNBU (but then I am a notorious busybody concerned citizen) too.

SummerHeightsHigh · 18/06/2009 16:09

edam I can assure you that whilst I would be furious, it would in no way be vented. People who cause/do road rage are not in control of themselves. Just because you are furious does not mean that you are out of control or a danger to anyone.

arabicabean · 18/06/2009 16:15

Hypothetically speaking - if you ever left a note on my car informing me of the dangers, I would consider it extremely rude. You would know nothing about me and my level of knowledge on safety. How patronising to assume ignorance!

I used to put my 0+ infant carrier on the front passanger seat of my very expensive coupe (for practical reasons). It had a transponder to communicate with the on board electronics and turn off the airbag. The seat could only be obtained from the car dealership and at considerable cost. I certainly did not need a "note" to tell me what to do. I don't compromise on safety - my toddler is now in a RF car seat.

In RL no one ever left a note on my windscreen.

edam · 18/06/2009 16:24

I just think fury is a bit of an extreme response. Mild irritation, perhaps, but real fury?

How on earth do you react when someone really is genuinely and intentionally extremely rude, if you are prone to such an exaggerated response to minor things?

LackaDAISYcal · 18/06/2009 16:32

I would have been pretty pee'd off as well to be honest. I put DS in the front of my car with the airbag switched off, but you can't tell until the engine is switched on that this is the case. If anyone tried to tell me about the dangers or leave a note on my window I think I would be quite taken aback and wonder what gave them the right to deem themselves the self appointed car seat police....and would drive off thinking "nutter"

Well meaning or no, it really wasn't any of your business.

SummerHeightsHigh · 18/06/2009 16:55

edam I personally think matters such as the safety of my child are not minor and would find someone questioning my judgment worse than almost any issue, might just be me though.
For me there is nothing more major in life than my DD's safety.

Bathsheba · 18/06/2009 16:55

My front car seat air bag can't be deactivated, but there are warnings not only on the car seat but also on the sun shield of the car...

If the driver of the car you saw has the same warnings (and as far as I know they are mandatory on the actual seats themselves if not in the car itself), and has managed to ignore those warnings, I suspect they will probably ignore your note too...

IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy · 18/06/2009 16:58

I think some of your reactions are a bit OTT to what was basically a well-intentioned and thoughtful act.

To be honest, I probably would find it a bit patronising if I got the note, but would realise it was meant kindly and appreciate the thought behind it.

Unfortunately it's simply not the case that everyone is fully aware of the basics of child safety - I remember leaving DS with MIL as a baby and upon returning being told that she hadn't been able to work out the car seat, and so had let SIL (then 16) hold DS on her lap instead Luckily no harm was done on that occasion, but I would have been eternally grateful if someone had stopped MIL or left a note reminding her of the dangers.

ChippingIn · 18/06/2009 17:05

I would think 'Oh For Fuck Sake, can people not mind their own bloody business' and screw the note up... then I'd calm down and think that whoever has the time to be looking in car windows checking for airbags, probably needs all the help they can get - sorry OP, but really....

IzzyWizzy - OMG has MIL had unsupervised access since?????? I think it would be a cold day in hell before I trusted her again.

deepinlaundry · 18/06/2009 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

GoodWitchGlinda · 18/06/2009 17:34

ChippingIn - your post made me laugh out loud. One minute you're saying I need help () and then in the next line you're outraged at IzzyWizzy's MIL... Can't you put 2 and 2 together and think about if this car may have belonged to a similarly ignorant MIL?

Sassybeast - you may be right, I may be a plonker, but I think I'd rather be a well-intentioned plonker than someone who could't give a crap. And BTW, I never said I was an expert . Are you telling me you've never passed on a useful piece of info about which you are not an expert? I very much doubt it.

Everyone else - thanks for your views. Those of you who think I did the right thing have made me feel better about what I did, and those who would have been offended have made me vow to think twice before doing it again.

Those who were downright insulting, I'm guessing you just come on here to let off a bit of steam by having an arguement rather than have a valid debate, so I will choose to ignore the insults. Just like I hope the owner of the car will choose to ignore my note if she is offended by it.

OP posts:

Sassybeast · 18/06/2009 18:08

Leaving a note on a complete strangers window without being fully aware of the issues makes me think that YOU think you ARE at expert on car seat safety. Otherwise, why on earth would it even enter your head to leave a note ? If you'd seen someone putting a baby into the seat, would you have gone over and had a word ? I think not and I still think you're a bit of a plonker, well intentioned or not. Do you go up to pregnant smokers and lecture them to ? Or share your wisdom with random strangers about weaning ? It just seems a wee bit strange that you would invest so much effort in doing something like that and then investing so much effort in trying to get a bunch of strangers on t'interweb to help you justify it. No offence meant but you did ask.

bigeyes · 18/06/2009 18:11

Agree with Lynette - if I found that note on my windscreen I would be very annoyed the name Mrs Mangle comes to mind - what mde you think you could make this judgement without access to a 'turned on' dashboard to assess whether it was turned off or not.

Youve probably upset come harressed enough mum as it is.

GrimmaTheNome · 18/06/2009 18:16

To quote: For me there is nothing more major in life than my DD's safety.

Me too! Thats exactly why I was not in the least offended at someone checking up on me.
I was glad to know I was in a world where other people gave a shit too.

GrimmaTheNome · 18/06/2009 18:19

It doesn't seem to me that Glinda was in the slightest bit judgemental. She didn't know if there was a problem or not, but as there might have been, gave a warning. That is caring about child safety, not mum-judging.

LackaDAISYcal · 18/06/2009 18:22

oooh, and tis AIBU.....no room for valid debate here

you want opinions, you get opinions. they won't all be the same as yours....it says so at the top

ChippingIn · 19/06/2009 08:39

GoodWitchGlinda (your 'name' is quite revealing in how you view yourself) do you go around randomly lecturing all MIL's on car safety, weaning, sleeping and all the other things that have changed 'since their day'?

You still didn't answer my question though - what were you doing peering in a car window? You have to be pretty close and deliberately looking in the car to see it has a car seat and airbags... very odd.

HelloBeastie · 19/06/2009 09:27

Wow, some of you are a bit touchy!
I'd just think, aw, bless, and then chuck it.

As the OP didn't know the driver, she had no idea whether they were aware of the issues or not.

Better to take a chance on annoying a complete stranger who you'll never meet and having them think you're a 'plonker', than to take a chance that a child will be killed or seriously injured because you could have said something but didn't.

Incidentally, my car is only 2 years old, and the passenger airbag can't be turned off.

HappyMummyOfOne · 19/06/2009 09:28

I'd have been a little upset to find a note like that on my car. It has a front airbag but is easily switched off for when DS travels in the front.

Does seem a little strange that you were nosying in cars to see if there was an airbag etc.

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