Thanks for the thought - hugs are much appriciated at the moment.
Its all a bit up in the air what support I'm going to be recieving. I've been seeing the therapist I'm with now since my discharge from my physc. unit last September, and the new team haven't got their arses in gear yet really. They've made inital contact but I haven't met them - I don't even know how long I'm going to be seeing them for. In the meantime I'm down to just one therapy session a week
Social services are on about considering placing me in a mother / baby physc. hospital. She said its not too bad, that its more about making sure you form the bond with the baby whilst you get the support than judging or anything. I said I'd do it if it was decided that was whats best. I'd just like to know whats happening, and I don't.
I'll be living with my parents, so I won't be doing things entirely by myself. My mum is home by 3 most days as she runs a play school. My concern is during the days when I'm absolutely shattered and no one else is here... The first few weeks will be the worst, and I won't be by myself for them, at least.
I've had several suicide attempts. My most recent was the end of January. I haven't hurt myself in any way since I found out I was pregnant, and its been very difficult. The thoughts and feelings are very deep rooted, I've been cutting and burning since I was nine, and have had periods of anorexia / bulimia on and off for years. Being pregnant with that has been really hard - the morning sickness brought back a lot of memories and the weight gain has been so difficult to handle.
Admittedly, they've only been to see me once so far. I have a full pre-birth assessment meeting next week, which I'm dreading. Logically, I don't see how they can say NOW if I'm going to be a good mother, because I'm not a mother yet. I've done everything I can to ensure the healthy growth of my baby, and thats the best I can do for now. I can't say how I'm going to deal with it if I'm having a bad day because I've never been in that situation before.
I'm in the South-East, just outside of Brighton. I've found so much support here, and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to reply to me. It stops me feeling quite so lonely. I don't mind putting my address up here - I have one specifically for using online. Its [email protected]
And thankyou for finding those sites for me. I've added them to my favorites list. I haven't read the whole thing through entirely yet, but they look really helpful.
Thankyou so much. It really means so much to me that you're caring. Thankyou. x