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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that a friend has betrayed my trust

18 replies

pinklady5 · 15/06/2009 10:50

hi girls , feeling very hurt & upset , i told a friend / neighbour something in confidence last sunday & asked her to keep it to herself she promised she would , thsmorning i was putting ds & dd in the car when another neighbour (we dont get along) asked me out straight about the thing i wanted to be kept private . i saw the friend/neighbour going into the other neighbours house the day after she was in with me & she knows full well that me&other neighbour dont get along ,
my question is should i tell friend that i know she talked about my private business or just say nothing ? need advice as she will more than likely pop in2 me today as she has the day off work .

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 15/06/2009 10:53

Personally I would say something. I would never trust her again either.

3littlefrogs · 15/06/2009 10:55

It's a lesson learned. Some people are just not trustworthy. It is hard, but there isn't much you can do about it now. Is she a really good friend - I mean, how important is the friendship to you? I have to say, it would be a very significant factor in changing the relationship if this happened to me.

If you have it out with her, how will it affect things on a day to day basis? Will it cause rows (with the other neighbour, for example)? Would it be easier just to cool things off and not see her?

RumourOfAHurricane · 15/06/2009 10:56

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MaryBS · 15/06/2009 10:57

I would raise it with her. Give her the chance at least to apologise, but wouldn't trust her with a secret again.

wotulookinat · 15/06/2009 11:07

I think it depends very much on what the information was.

themoon · 15/06/2009 11:18

I don't think it 'it depends very much on what the information was' at ALL.

OP asked the neighbour to keep it to herself. It wasn't the neighbour's decision to decide.

I'd knock her off my xmas card list.

junglist1 · 15/06/2009 11:21

When she pops round to pick up more gossip to spread, don't let her in, tell her you know she spread your buisness for fun and that she's not your sort of person.

Gorionine · 15/06/2009 11:28

I would tell her that I know she talked about my buisness to someone else and that I will not need her "friendship" anymore. I would not be able to ever trust her anymore.

I never tell friends to keep things I tell them to themselves because in my mind it is obvious that people should not "spread" a discussion that does not concern them.

wotulookinat · 15/06/2009 11:38

does ALL stand for something?

SouthMum · 15/06/2009 11:51

Pinklady - are you the one who posted about this last week??

If so I really can't believe she said something! What a cow.

Original poster
pinklady5 · 15/06/2009 12:11

hi southmum , yes i posted about this last week & i was kicking myself for saying anything to her but it was confirmed to me this morning that yes she did tell other neighbour my business she has just popped into me & i have asked her out straight did she tell my other neighbour about our conversation & SHE DENIED EVERYTHING , she says the other neighbour is always asking her questions about whats going on in my life but she says she never tells her anything , i reckon there are some childish games being playd here , she has just left now but says she will pop over tomorrow ,
what do you guys think ?

OP posts:
heavenstobetsy · 15/06/2009 12:16

well, if she's the only one you told then it must be her so she's a liar as well as a gossip.

It depends whether you think she maliciously told or is just someone that can't help herself and blabs - if its the latter, then I'd probably stay friendly with her but NEVER tell her anything you don't want repeated all over the street

ChippingIn · 15/06/2009 12:58

As you are stuck with her for a neighbour I'd probably just let it go and stay friendly, but not friends with her. Cut down the amount of time I spent with her and definitely not tell her anything I wouldn't put on a billboard outside my house. Sorry she's treat you so badly

junglist1 · 15/06/2009 13:08

Tell her to "pop over" a cliff edge.

sleepyeyes · 15/06/2009 13:13

Pink wow she sounds like a bitch, I would let her know she is no longer welcome to 'pop' around. It doesn't matter if it was malicious or her just gossiping you confided in her and asked her to keep it to herself and she betrayed that confidence, thats terrible behavior.

Original poster
pinklady5 · 15/06/2009 15:54

hi , sorry had to pop out to pick ds up from school , have cuppa in hand now
well maybe now that ive told her that the neighbour from hell told me she knows all about things , maybe friend/neighbour will have learned to keep quiet from now on , as for me i will never confide in her again ,
am kinda sad though coz i've been a good friend to her over the last few months , minding her baby etc , always making her feel welcome ,

OP posts:
transactionalanalysis · 15/06/2009 16:33

She's a bit silly to deny it when she is the only person that you have told.
You're right to not want to confide in her again but try and keep it friendly just because you have to live next to her.

RumourOfAHurricane · 15/06/2009 17:12

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