To not want to go stay with ill F/MIL so they can look after me while I'm pregnant. Whoops Long.

[Confuzzeled]

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and have a 2yo dd.

I'm really finding this pregnancy hard. I started on iron tablets 2 days ago so that should improve my tiredness. I've been getting sick, dizzy spells and my spd is getting quite noticeable again. My dd has been getting a new molar and she's never been a good sleeper as it is so we've had very little sleep between us.

We own a small business which is moving location and since money is so tight dh is doing most the work himself. He is out before 8am most mornings and not usually home before 9pm. This has been for the last 3 weeks and he has 3 weeks left to go.

My family and his both live quite far away and my parents never come visit me. His parents would love to come but they are ill and it's too hard. My Mum and step Dad told me that I can come stay at their house but step Dad's brother has just passed away so I don't want to intrude on his grief. My Dad & step Mum are selling their house so have been told I can't stay with them. My sister suffers from bouts of depression and I don't want to end up looking after her and her ds if I go there.

So I've been avoiding going to see them all but dh feels so guilty that he can't help out more with dd. He called his Mum & Dad and they said I should go stay with them.

Firstly their family is very different to mine and I've never felt that comfortable there. They are amazing people who I love and respect allot but they very much have their own way and I hate feeling like I'm intruding on their routine. If they were both well then I would probably be a bit more confident about going there. However my FIL has advanced MS and my MIL has cancer. FIL has carers in the morning and evening but MIL is responsible during the day. MIL has had op and now going through kimo, her last session ended up with her in hospital with low red blood cell count.

DH and I were both saying that she does too much even though she's ill looking after other gc and BIL's business.

I told DH i would go visit them for a day but I didn't want to stay there. He is now in a huff because he thinks I don't want to go stay with them because I don't feel comfortable there. I just don't think it's appropriate at the moment.

AIBU?

Nope, can't say that I would be comfortable staying with them either. It's a tough situation.

Nope I wouldn't stay, but I would take your mothers offer up, I do know this sounds trite but sometimes having someone else to look after can help with grief.

You should put yourself first here, Confuzzeled. It sounds like a very stressful situation, and I can understand why you don't want to go and stay.

That said, I can understand why your dh is feeling a bit hurt too, but hopefully when he calms down a bit, you'll be able to explain it to him.

I hope you feel better soon.

no it's fine to say you don't want to stay
my dh is fully aware of the fact that I don't like staying with his parents, I don't know why your dh would be so surprised tbh in the circumstances

If you really can not cope I think you should go to your mothers, she has far far less to cope with then your in laws do and it sounds as if they need looking after them selfs not having to look after a pregnant woman and teething baby

Thank you, feeling a bit better about it all after airing it on here.

I spoke to my Dad who said my PIL probably just want us to stay so they can spend time with their gd. They don't see her much and it's special when they get time with gc without parents being around. But at the same time I can't go there and feel like I can rest knowing my MIL has to look after my tornado of a 2yo and cook/clean after me.

I think I'm going to head to my Mum's next week after Step Uncles funeral, my step dad has apparently told my Mum he's happy for me to come. I'll go for a day visit ti PIL and suggest MIL take dd out for a walk while I have a lie down. That way she gets dd to herself for a little while.