to feel a bit left out?

[oysterpots]

DH and I have been together for 15 years and so our oldest friends are joint friends.

DH went out with them a couple of weeks ago without me (was a ticketed thing, there was only one ticket available so he went). Fine.

However DH is talking about going out with them again tonight. I asked whether we might be able to all meet up here (we are only ones with DC) as we haven't got a babysitter. DH says they are his only friends and he sometimes wants to see them alone, I have other friends who I see without him.

But we don't see them often and I feel left out. AIBU?

YANBU

I would feel left out too. If they are joint friends and you usually go out as couples, but now you have children and need to get a babysitter and he is going out alone, then it is unfair.

I don't see that as you have friends of your own that means that joint friends have to become his iyswim.

I don't get it....what is your DH thinking?

One of the wives definitely isn't going, not sure about the other. His argument is that just because they're joint friends shouldn't mean he misses out on the opportunity to talk to them about 'boys things' as a result of me wanting to come too.

Not entirely sure what these gender specific conversations might be, but suspect he might want someone to talk to about the state of our relationship. But that makes me feel weird, and if I were one of the others I think I'd feel weird hearing about it in the absence of the wife (ie me).

I do appreciate he needs to be able to talk to someone - as I do - but these things tend to come up naturally in conversation. Engineering a situation in which he goes out without me with the purpose of talking about us (me!) seems strange.

Sounds like this is about far more than friendships and you need to talk to each other.