to think baby shower is a shower??!!

[Casserole]

I just don't GET baby showers. They just seem to be an excuse to expect gifts from people. Am I alone in thinking this? I didn't have one, hardly anyone I know with kids has had one but suddenly in the last few months I or close friends of mine have been invited to several and I just don't get it!

There's another invite come through today. It is someone I've known for years and I totally totally would intend to go and see her after the baby was born and take presents and a meal with me (I always take a meal for friends who've had babies so they don't have to bother about dinner that evening after I've gone). But I really really don't want to go and sit around for the afternoon with other women I don't all know... doing what? feeling her bump?? talking about our labours?? There isn't even a baby too coo over yet. But now that the official invites have gone out, I feel put into a position where I have to officially decline to go. Which I think is the bit I resent. Cos I'll still be doing everything I would anyway, but why do I have to be summonsed to do it?

Am I just jealous because no-one did this for me!?? I really don't think so, and I've thought about it quite a bit. It's being organised by the same person who organised the girl's hen do, and in both cases (said friend is childless and single and idealises both marriage and parenthood to a ridiculous degree) and I think it's partly the "Oooooh, we must all make a fuss for she is doing this wondrous, sacred, special thing" that gets me.... even though I do agree that motherhood is all those things!!!

Argh. Come on then. AIBU to decline politely (and if not, any ideas on how?)

Thanks for explaining about wedding showers SGM

I'm warming to the idea of baby showers that involve lots of cake and no pre-birth pressie-fest... but yes, I agree that the notion of jinxing things feels uncomfortable for some of us Brits.

The trouble is for us Brits that most of us don't know what to expect.

My neighbour had a baby shower. I was pretty sure it was the 'done thing' to take a gift so I bought a very nice grobag swaddling blanket. Lots of the other guests had bought very ordinary 'supplies' e.g. wipes, nappies, breast pads etc... so I felt like a bit of a show-off for bringing a more expensive gift.

Then, when she'd had the baby, I got her a few treat items for herself but felt bad not giving her anything for the baby (As I'd already bought him a present!)

The shower itself was...a bit...boring. We sat around drinking tea/wine while the host opened her presents and that was basically it. I didn't know anyone else there anyway.

The traditional showers, as described here sound a lot nicer so it seems we Brits may have completely got the wrong end of the stick as to what it's all about.

I am going to my american friend's baby shower next month and I can't wait!

We will be eating amazing cakes and playing party games, and she will not need to worry about what to buy and what will be given as presents - so she won't end up with 15 baby towels to return once the baby is born!

Don't know what all the moaning is about actually. If you don't like it don't go. I have been lucky enough to have one and go to a few. it is just friends getting together, having fun, drinking wine (or not in the pregnant persons case!)

What's not to love, unless of course you have boring friends

the one's I have been to have not been about presents in a big way, but about celebrating with a close friend an exciting thing that is happening to them.

Just do away with the term 'baby shower' if it offends you so much and call it a party. Problem solved.

I also think that having children is an amazing thing and as a society we should be celebrating this more and offering as much support and happiness to families as we can.

At my old job we always threw a "baby shower" because the person would be going off on maternity leave for 6 months and we would all do a collection and buy vouchers for mothercare and such.

It was nice because it wasn't about presents, it was about saying bye and good luck to our work colleague.

I had baby showers for both my pregnancies. The girls in the church I was part of, would arrange them for mums to be. The main reason was to be able to pray for the pregnancy, labour, new baby and first few weeks. Sometimes there would be gifts, food, but mainly a chance to have a chat without blokes or children around. I'm not into the idea of showers just to "get" in the same way i am not a fan of hen weekends, which can pressurise people to have to spend a lot of money. Mine were a great chance to spend time with friends and eat some cake!

Love the idea of taking a meal when visiting newborn!

I was recently invited to a baby shower and I shuddered. They asked for game suggestions
It's nothing to do with not being a fun person, we, funny old English types, simply don't do it here and it feels foreign and not what 'we' do and therefore forced, alien, a bit odd etc.
They had a wish list like when you get married for gift ideas. YUCK. I love choosing a gift and family members might want to contribute to a practical present, personally I want to enjoy choosing something they didn't realise they wanted or needed but love anyway.
Baby showers, in my opinion can catch on all they like over here but for me will always be a wtf?! No thank you

Baby showers are foreign to the English like hen parties (where people spend hundreds of pounds to fly somewhere to get drunk), are foreign to others.

This doesn't make the one more right nor wrong for the other. I have been to many baby showers (am South African)... there is no pressure to get gifts off registers etc. Gosh, you can knit a blanket for all everyone cares.

It's just about some of the family getting together to rejoice in the impending birth, have some cake etc. Interestingly enough, for both my brothers (who have 4 kids btwn them), the blokes were invited to the shower too... and they enjoyed it.

Of course, some people go overboard with showers, as some go overboard with hen parties and weddings... it's personal preference.

If you get an invite for something, no-one is forcing you to go, just say no thanks. Easy peasy. Really... not a big deal.

Triggles, my first post wasn't intended for you but for the OP. I also am American, and I don't agree with this

• NOW it's all about registering for specific expensive items and some women having 2-3 showers for one baby, and again for their next baby. It seems to have morphed from a small community thing to a "get all the stuff I can by way of presents" thing. -

Not what mine was like, or anyone else I know.
I'm sure there are horrible people out there who do this, but it isn't the POINT of a baby shower, is it?

As I said, it's cultural, and I get a bit pissed off at the way some people on here go off on anything 'AMerican' as tacky and rubbish, when they don't even know what they are talking about!
It's just more of the anti- American crap I have to listen to daily on here.

Definitely think its cultural.

Very much an english thing to be a little superstitious about buying presents before the baby has arrived.

Also we just don't know the etiquette, eg, how much to spend on a gift? are you then expected to take a gift when she actually has the baby too?

Am sure they can be very nice though but i would be flummoxed as to what to do if was invited to one.

Presents before the baby and casseroles afterwards seems like a much better idea to me.

I am certainly not anti america or americans, but as the dominant economic and political nation it is to be expected and is frankly healthy imo that people have a go at america at regular intervals.

America embraces free markets and rampant consumerism and is not big on environmental responsibility. Ripe for criticism, surely? There are plenty of benefits to being american and I find it quite wingeing to cry about anti-americanism on mumsnet.

And I find it incredibly ignorant to spout off about something without any real knowledge of it.

And don't try to tell me that Britain doesn't embrace those same things.

I think it's nice to give away the beautiful things one's baby grows out of, ie clothes, bootees, blankets, moses basket etc. As I don't earn any money I could not afford to go out and spend on a new baby, but I really welcomed second hand things.

I have been able to pass on masses of things throughout the years and I have been the grateful recipient of fabulous designer clothes etc for my dc from much wealthier friends.

So if I was to have a baby shower I would stipulate second hand where feasible!

Would that solve the trick for Brits to enjoy them too?

Would that offend Americans?

Britain does embrace the same things although to a lesser degree imo - but america is the figurehead of them. There is plenty of anti british sentiment around the world but a super power will always attract more international criticism than a bit part international player like the UK.

As I have said before, I think criticism of america it is to be expected and overall a healthy state of affairs. There is plenty of america worship going on to balance it all out. I like to have american input on mumsnet and don't wish to alienate american mumsnetters or personally insult them but I think it is unrealistic not to expect this kind of generalisation about america that pisses you off. I thoroughly welcome corrections of factual inaccuracy about america and imo this is the best form of defence.

Australians "do" baby showers as well, I hadn't noticed that they are not the done thing here. If you don't want to go - then don't go?

Criticism of power bases is healthy because otherwise they would remain unchallenged and potentially unrestrained - that is what I mean

agree with you to an extent Podrick.
One thing to criticize the foreign, health, or education policy (although I think Britain's stance on most of those things could get a good mouth full).

But a baby shower thread?
I have no time for people who just say things are 'American nonsense' when they have never experienced the thing in question.
It's one thing to question, another to blatantly be offensive.

I presume it is about being protectionist about british culture - baby showers are not part of the british culture (yet!).

Halloween has crossed the pond to a fair degree in recent years. I am a big fan of both baby showers and halloween so no complaints from me.