in thinking it's odd that my mum has excluded dh from her will?

[eltham]

mum's just written her will and has informed all her daughters and sons that if they die after her but before their children have grown up, the proceeds of her will can only be accessed by her grandchildren on turning 21. So, essentially, if I'm alive, I receive my share and use it to benefit my family. If I'm dead, my dh gets nothing - despite the fact that he will have 2 very young dds to bring up). Is this how it usually works then?
I'm surprised as it somewhat questions earlier statements by her that once married, our spouses are part of the larger family. They're clearly not if her natural son/daughter dies though! I know - of coure - that it's her money, and she can do what she likes. It isn't a hige amount anyway..I was just taken aback that she's excluded spouses. Is this what other families do?

Eltham, I can see why you feel a bit confused/hurt, when your family are so close and your DH is 'like' another son to your parents etc However, as you can see from what everyone has said, this is the norm, even in families where the spouses are considered family. Until you wrote this, I would never have considered the option of including DC's husbands/wives in a will (other than maybe something I knew they really liked - item not money).

It doesn't mean that if you die before her she'll stop loving him or looking after them all

Also, as others have said, if you haven't already, get your own will sorted and insurance etc. Make sure there is something in there about who you would want to bring up your DC's should you both die. It's a hard thing to think about, but essential.

I agree it's normal.

Yes, this is normal. It wouldn't have any relevance to your DH's financial security anyway - if you died, your DH still wouldn't get any money until your Mum dies, which could be 10 or 20 years later! So it is really irrelevent in that sense.

My mum's will leaves all her money between me and my siblings, but she has bequeathed items to my DH - I know my MIL has left me some items too. I certainly wouldn't expect her money.

I don't think it's unusual. They want their money to go to their child and her children. Not neccessarily their SIL and any future partner or children he might have.

They are assuming I guess that you would have arrangments in place to cope financially if one of you died while the children were minors.

Totally normal. If I die then my DH doesn't get any of my parents money. It would skip to my children when they are old enough.

I wouldn't expect my in-laws to leave me DHs money if he died.

Loads of reasons. If DH gets money and remarries someone with expensive tastes he may spend it all on them rather than the children, he might develop expensive tastes himself and spend it on himself, he might have further children and then it all gets shared out rather than just going to the original children IYSWIM.

I have a flat which I own and when I get around to it am going to put it in trust for DC for this very reason. Not because I don't trust DH, I do, but because it's money which came from my side of the family so would want to keep that money specifically for my children IYSWIM.

etham - if you want your dh and your dc to be financally secure if you die, then take out life insurance as that is the simple answer and is seperate from wills and who inherits what.

FIL and MIL have a similar will, and they were really worried that I mgiht take it wrong, by being excluded from it, but the rationale behind it is, should my dh not be aorund anymore, than I would have security through his death (life insurance, and stuff) and because of that their would be a lot of taxes should I inherit anything else...something like that...therefor the money would be shared between our children....

makes sense to me, tbh

My mum has a will like this and to be honest I hadn't thought anything of it. She wants her money to benefit me or my DD. She likes my DH but I suppose she thinks if he inherited it then he might spend it on stuff for him and she would rather DD had it for a house deposit or uni, etc.

Agree you can't rely on a possible inheritance to keep your other half secure in the event of your death. I could die tomorrow and my mother could last another 30 years. Or spend all of her money on care home fees, etc.

wannabe, I think OP made a little mistake, because she clearly meant that if she was dead before her mum died...because she also says:
"So, essentially, if I'm alive, I receive my share and use it to benefit my family. If I'm dead, my dh gets nothing - despite the fact that he will have 2 very young dds to bring up)."

It's normal. My Mum's will does state that the money is to be used for the benefit of our DDs though, so DH could access it to take them on holiday, pay for music lessons, university fees and so on. My Mum was most apologetic that if I die and so do our DDs that DH would then have to share with her DNs. Bless her.

It's normal.

"if you want DH to be okay if you died before him then get life insurance"

Precisely. Do you want your mum to have to die in order for your DH and children to be financially secure??

yes its normal as others have said

if you do go first then she may change it but its pretty unlikely so what she has done is very sensible

As other posters have commented - the issue is one of the scenario of your DH remarrying after your death.

Say you die (sorry and all that) and your DH gets married to Cruella de Vil (he's distraught, you have to forgive him) who not content with skinning Dalmatians, decides to go on a spending spree with all your mother's money? Your children go without and all her hard earned shekels have not been used as she would like. She wants to support her grandchildren.

I don't think it's a bad idea. She's leaving it in your hands. You have the option to share it with him but you won't be obliged to. Very wise.