I am, I am, I need to confess.....

[psychomum5]

......I am a bad bad unreasonable wife

bad dreams during the night. I dreamt very vividly that bugs were flying around my head and I was trying to get them and kill them....only then they all fell in the bed.

I leapt out, whacked hell out of the bed, then realised when whacking DH that I was dreaming, and it was 5am.



thing is, I laughed, I was not sorry, and I didn;t apologise, and he has been nursing me while poorly.

if this were him, I would be on here right now having a good old moan, and you would all be agreeing with me and telling me good things to retaliate.

you need to tell me off now.....I can take it.

or at least, make me feel better and tell me how vivid you dreams are

[psychomum5]

@ snoring being likened to 'giant bees'.

and aww for the mouse

[SoupDragon]

at the mouse.

I've often sat up suddenly because there's a dream spider on my pillow. Never had a goose though !

[SoupDragon]

Actually, I did it in the bath last night [snurk] except I wasn't asleep and it wasn't a dream spider letting itself down on a thread beside my head.

[LoulouCapone]

No YANBU!

My Dh kept moaning about his "piles" this time a year ago. He couldn't do a thing without moaning. After a week of this, while asleep, I straightened my leg, then brought it up and kneed his bum... really, really hard. He jumped out of bed, and was crying with pain. I knew what I'd done - even though I was fast asleep.

I'd been really sympathetic all week, but obviously it had been eating away at my subconscious - and that's how it expressed itself.

Anyhoo, next day, having put it off long enough, I finally agreed to have a look. His "piles" were actually on his bum cheek. So after explaining to DH what piles were, and that he did not have them, I deposited DH at the Dr's and began my journey to work.

The call came about half an hour later to tell me that he was in an ambulance because he in fact had an abcess, which had burst and he had septacaemia (SP) which resulted in an operation, a two day stay in one of the NHS's finest hotels, and daily visits to the Dr's thereafter for 6wks to have the gaping wound "packaged".

Was I unreasonable?!?

[serin]

DH kicked me so hard in the back that I nearly fell out of bed, whilst shouting "Goooooooaaaaalllllll".

I am dreading the next world cup.

[Heated]

Dh told me that urban legend (which I foolishly believed) that we all swallow spiders in our sleep. Dh woke up struggling for air thinking I was trying to smother him with my hand tightly pressed down over his mouth, preventing the monster spiders getting in.

I have also pulled out his chest hair in my sleep!

[psychomum5]

@ heated........altho I thought said legand was true!!!

serin, ....my DH has nowt to fear from the world cup and me.....I hate football

@ the bum absess.....has he forgiven you yet? altho lol at him thinking it was piles!

[kitkatqueen]

I came in late one night and as I crept into the bedroom DP sat bolt upright in bed and said :

DP "is the mouse ok"?

ME "erm yes fine"

DP " Are you Sure"???

ME " Yes absolutley, no problem all the little mousies are absolutly fine"

DP ( STILL ASLEEP ) " Well now I know your taking the piss there was only one"

Lays back down, resumes snoring and remembers absolutley nothing!!

[CacklingandBarking]

My Dad got out of bed one night, went to his wardrobe, picked up a shoe and peed in it. My mum shouted at him and said he should pee in the toilet he very dutifully trotted of to the loo with said shoe, put it in the pan and flushed the chain, then came back to bed and new nothing about it til the morning.

Bless.

[Heated]

Just for Psychomum

[MumtoCharlieandLola]

Kitkatqueen,

Has you DP been in bed with my dad !!! Lol

[kitkatqueen]

Who Knows???? Maybe it was the same night and he was worried about your dad throwing his mouse out the window ???

[Debs75]

When I was about 5 I had a dream that i was being chased by a goose. It bit me on the bum and I woke up screaming.

Last year whilst pregs I regularly beat dp up, sometimes opunching sometimes kicking. One night I punched him and stole his pillow saying it was 'mine now'
Once baby was born I stopped punching him

[psychomum5]

thankyou heated.

am going to read that later, altho I did like the MD one from the pathologist......he did indeed make it sound very believable with the stats and quoted figures etc

[strawberryplanter]

When I was a child and feverish and sleeping I used to have a terribly scary nightmare that the corner of the carpet was starting to roll up very slowly, then rolling and getting bigger and bigger, coming after me about to engulf the bed and me in it, this enormous rolling up carpet getting as big as a tsunami!

Scaring myself just writing it down!

[BecauseImWorthIt]

DH, when he is very stressed at work, often talks in his sleep. But in his case, he is having a telephone conversation. You can tell, because of the gaps in his speech, that he's obviously listening to someone 'on the other end' before responding to them!

It's very weird to listen to.

[Deemented]

OMG - I have almost just wet myself laughing at this thread - poor ds has been stood next to me stroking my hand in a most concerned way whilst i've been guffawing like a loon!!!

When i was little my sister and i used to share a bed and we would regularly hold conversations with each other whilst asleep - my mum once came in to tell us off for still being awake, only to find my sister holding her hand out and offering me a chip - i reached in and took one, put it in my mouth, went to get another and my sister slapped my hand and told me not to be greedy!!!

[readyfornumber2and3]

Loving this thread lol

Just after DS was born I jumped out of bed in a panic and started searching the bedroom, DP woke up and asked me what I was doing, "looking for the baby" (Who is fast asleep in the moses basket next to the bed) DP "Hes asleep" Me "No, the other baby" DP took the piss out of me for ages!!

I had a work mate who used to do alsorts in her sleep but the best one she told me was when she got out of bed in her sleep thinking that someone was stealing her car and was leaning out the window trying to see what was going on, Her DH woke to see something flapping around behind the curtains and jumped out of bed screaming "oh my God its a ghost" and ran like hell lol

[pjmama]

DH once got up out of bed, pulled down his boxers and sat down on the side of the mattress with his head in his hands. I said "What are you doing!?" and he got up without a word, pulled his pants back up, staggered into the en-suite and resumed the exact same position on the loo. PMSL for half the next day about it. He still doesn't believe me!

[stealthsquiggle]

I once woke DH up going "how many?" and then refused to answer any clarification questions - eventually he gave up and said "14". I rolled over and went back to sleep, and he lay awake worrying about what there were 14 of and why it mattered .

Thing is, I remember the dream, and what I was doing as far as I was concerned was begging him to help me (for some reason which I cannot recall)

very

[picmaestress]

I woke up one morning, and my grandparents had called my mum - apparently I'd called them in the night and had a very weird spacey conversation with them about where they lived. They guessed I was asleep and told me to go back to bed.
The weirdest bit is: I don't consciously know anybody's phone number, I'm rubbish with numbers.

I used to wake up holding hands with my ex. Also used to wake up mid conversation with him - both of us asleep. Very sweet.

[ErikaMaye]

Thankyou all so so much for cheering me up - am crying with laughter after a pretty tough evening.

My DP hasn't quite forgiven me for a few things I've done to him in my sleep since being pregnant... He ALWAYS brings up the fact I knee'ed him in the small of the back over a month ago, and as he grasped his back in pain I stole the covers...

If anyone is aware of the soundtrack from "Wicked", I have also burst into a full cheast-voice rendition of the final verse from "Defying Gravity". I think he's more annoyed about the fact that I didn't sit up, and did in fact sing it into his ear.

He however is much worse than me... I'm sure! You can have a full "conversation" with him after he has had a couple of cocktails, I discovered this weekend. The only proper - yet slurred - words he could manage were, "Hey...Baby..." the rest of it was something along the lines of: "Mmmmmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm mm mmmmm mmm mmm. Mm?" When I simply started at him, I recieved what I guess was a telling off for not responding - "Mmmm mmmm mmmmm mm mm!!!"

[pooter]

My DH used to talk in his sleep all the time - he once said "One donkey, two donkey, three donkey, four donkey"

so i laughingly said "five donkey?", to which he replied "no - dont be silly"

So i pushed my luck and said "six donkeys?" and he got really cross iwth me and said "now you are just taking the piss" and went back to sleep!!

There was also the time he punched me in the stomach because he thought i was a gremlin pulling a face and wiggling my fingers in the air! And the time, when i was sleeping on the floor with DS, that he tried to pick my face up because he thought it was a wet towel.

we sleep in separate rooms now but I miss laughing at him in the middle of the night!

[hatwoman]

I've told this tale on mn before - but the story's too good not to repeat.

many moons ago dh and I were going to a wedding. in preparation I dug out the hat I was going to wear (Accesorise £30). I put it in the corner on the floor in our bedroom, upside down. In the middle of the night I woke up to see dh standing with one arm on the wall and the other one seemingly somewhere near his nether regions. At first I just muttered, with faint bemusement, "what are you doing" and rolled over. Then it came to me. I sat up and shrieked "You'd better not be pissing in my hat." He was.

The weird thing was that he seemed utterly awake. And utterly compos mentis. But he utterly failed to comprehend why I might have a problem with urine in my hat. "What have I done? Why does it matter?".

The next day I went to John Lewis on Oxford Street and bought the most beautiful hat ever (Whiteley £150 ).

I think that was dh's most expensive piss ever.

[stealthsquiggle]

hatwoman - my DH did something similar once - but the target was a large pile of clean laundry - so no means of revenge as neat as yours