to think i should decide what time the playdate stays until

[ihatethecold]

not to be told in a bookbag note that the kids parent will collect at 6.30pm. the kids are only 5 ! i would never presume it ok to leave my child round a friends house until i decide to collect her, plus my dd will be shattered by that time

Did you not organise collection arrangements when you arranged it?

Yanbu... Once a playdate stayed so long I phoned the mum and told her that her DD was falling asleep on the sofa.

If there was a reason the playdate had to stay late, it should have been talked about beforehand!

i havent seen the mum at school this week as i have been working and my children got the bus. she said she would put her phone number in my dd bag before today but must have forgotten.

YANBU about the note in the bookbag. Surely the parent could have asked you what time they should pick their child up.
However, I don't think 6.30 is late. It is about the average pick up time for playdates here, assuming they are staying for tea as well.

Definitely not being unreasonable!! Just phone and say sorry, but I'll need to you come at *** so see you then. No need to say why, it doesn't matter. Hopefully she'll get the message for next time! I too had a problem recently - not with the visiting child but with the mother! When she collected him, she would stay for an hour, just chatting and telling me about her aunt in the outer hebrides/things that really didn't matter! I am not an unsociable person, but I am a busy person. Come in and have a cup of tea and a short chat by all means, but don't assume I've got nothing to do! And with regard your daughter, it's not fair on her if she will be shattered! Good luck.

sorry, particularly bad grammar in last post, meant to say "I'll need YOU to come and collect....." Let us know what comes of it!

i have texted her top say please collect at 5.30, havent given a reason why.

Sounds good! Would be interested to know how she responds! If my DS goes to his friend's house, I always say "What time shall I come and pick him up?" I wouldn't dream of assuming he can stay til 7 p.m.! And actually, I think 5.30 is perfectly reasonable, it doesn't really matter what the average playdate duration is, it's what suits you!!

Is it today? Has she collected the child now then?

she didnt mention it, so i didnt either, just said they played lovely and thanks for coming to play. see you tomorrow, all was fine, but i had to stop myself from explaining why i wanted her picking up earlier.

Like Fimbo, I always get pick-up time carved into stone before the child even gets here. 6.30 is too late for 5 year olds who have been at school all day. Plus, I have a very low threshold of tolerance for other people's children .

Why did you have to stop yourself? Wasn't it just because you dd would be tired?

because i feel i dont have to justify myself. so why get into the whole conflab with her anyway.

Agree with Fimbo, you really need to sort out the collecting time beforehand. Mine are 5 and 7 - 6pm seems to be generally acceptable around here. But I do have a friend whose child stays up a lot later than mine and I let her child stay till 7pm as an exception - but only on Fridays [smile}

If you didn't mention a time she probably just said the time that she normally picks up. No biggie.

6-6:30pm is the normal pick p time at DD's school, so I definitely don't consider it too late. It never was when DD was in reception; isn't now they are in Y2. This seemed to work well as many parents were collecting after work in our cases.

However, if you have a playdate you get to chose pick up time. BUT I would say that you ought to do it at the time of arranging the playdate, as the time collecting may make a difference as to whether the child can come or not.

I always check times first both when arranging a play date at my house, or if DD is going somewhere else. And yes, sometimes it is a case of deciding between us which times work best.