Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DH will go on a "date" with his sisters but not with me

48 replies

SarahL2 · 10/06/2009 19:32

Now it is entirely possible that I am being unreasonable as I am a walking ball of pregnancy hormones at the moment but here goes...

A while ago, I asked DH if he would like to go and see the film "Angles and Demons" with me. He said he wasn't bothered about seeing it and I should find someone else to go with. I have since organised to go with his 2 best mates and one of thier wives - not the perfect company but at least I get to see the film without having to go on my own.

Tonight, DH tells me that he is going to the cinema with his 2 sisters and that they will be going to see "Angels and Demons". He went to the cinema with one of his sisters last month too.

Now, I love the fact that DH has such a good relationship with his sisters and I usually do all I can to encourage him but this trip has gotten me a bit upset. Not only will it be the second time he has been out with his sisters recently (when I can't remember the last time we went out alone together) but it will be to see the film that he didn't want to see with me.

I know it's hassle when we go out together as we have to fnd a babysitter for DS (usually his parents who live 5 minutes from our house and complain that they don't get to babysit him enough!) but his sisters live a half hour drive away so going out with them involves effort too. He's going to have to go straight to one of thier houses on his way home from work and have dinner with them and won't get home until late - missing DS completely for a day as he leaves before we wake up in the morning.

Now to me - in my admittedly hormonal state - it seems like this particular film is worth making the effort for if he can have a night out with his sisters but is not worth making an effort for if it means spending time with me, his wife.

AIBU to be upset and feel a bit unimportant?

OP posts:

Original poster

SarahL2 · 10/06/2009 22:09

It's a good idea lou but his sisters live half an hour away and will want to go to the cinema near them. DH's mates will want to go to the cinema near us...

Plus, I think they like the idea of it being just siblings.. this is the family that split the teams for christmas Trivial Persuit into "bloods" and "outsiders"!

I'd be more upset about that if the outsiders didn't always win - would leave me without the opportunity to point out that we were improving the gene pool

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 10/06/2009 22:15

sarah... OMG... are you married to one of my brothers .

We do the same... tis all in good fun though.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 10/06/2009 22:25

With a name like barnsleybelle I doubt it - I'm from Donny but DH is a southerner through and through

On a more serious note though - the outsiders and bloods thing does grate a bit. I'll never forget my SIL's DH telling me that I would never really be accepted into the family just after I got married.

He'd been married for 10 years before me and he'd never felt accepted he said

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 10/06/2009 22:31

sarah... Ohhh that's not nice, at all.
No, we are not like that. We don't actually go as far as to say outsiders and bloods but we do have siblings versus inlaws. They love thrashing us
We actually are very lucky and all get along great, i more often than not take my SIL'S sides and give my brothers the girls point of view on things.
Dh just gets quietly drunk in the corner!
I love it when us Yorkshire girls drag a man from his own city (dh is a scouser).

Original poster

SarahL2 · 10/06/2009 22:34

I got dragged the other way I'm afraid

Anyways, off to bed now..Thanks for all your help girls..

OP posts:

lou33 · 10/06/2009 22:35

is it not worth asking everyone if someone can be gracious and compromise so you can all see it together?

mind you, without being rude , i think i would prefer not to go out with his family from what you say!

cat64 · 10/06/2009 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HaventSleptForAYear · 11/06/2009 12:08

Your DH's argument is just like my DH's.

Plus my DH thinks we see plenty of each other (although sometimes I'd be tempted to agree ) so would make more of an effort for others.

If it's any consolation, most of my close friends say their DH is happy to go out/away with them if THEY (ie wife) make the arrangements but would never get up the impetus to do it themselves.

If you are at home with the kids I also think you are more motivated to go out and do something OUT of the house in the evening whereas when you've been at work it's hard to want to go back out.

AliGrylls · 11/06/2009 12:53

Clearly he is under pressure from his sisters. It is probably much harder to say no to them (if they are pushy) than to say no to you (probably more laid back). Why don't you ask if you can go with them next time?

Original poster

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 14:35

I'm not sure he's under pressure AliGrylls. I think it's more than he adores them and doesn't get to see them very often so he's more likely to make an efort for them than he is for me who he sees everyday.

Sad but true

OP posts:

MacaroonIncident · 11/06/2009 14:36

I think he is just not into you.
how rude of him.

id tell him to sort it out or trot off

Original poster

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 14:42

That's not helpful Macaroon!! I was a bit peeved that he was going to the cinema with his sisters and now you've got me worrying that he doesn't fancy me anymore!!

OP posts:

MacaroonIncident · 11/06/2009 14:58

well what is he telling you?
i don't wnat to upset you but try telling him that when you reject him that MIGHT be a logical conclusion.. and if it isnt the right one then he needs to show you,

adn DONt let him then tell his sisters" oh she wont let me see you"

Original poster

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 15:11

He said that staring at a screen wasn't spending quality time together when we stare at screens in the same room almost every evening anyway.

He doesn't see his sisters very often so anything is better than nothing in that regard.

He's agreed we should organise maybe dinner out or something soon. Now the only sticking point now is who sorts out the babysitters.

I've spoken to both of his sisters for at least half an hour each today and they both rang here knowing that only I would be in (they could have caled DH's mobile) They don't hate me or resent me and would probably nag DH to take me out if I told them about the situation.

It's just a case of me getting a bit hormonally upset over seeing a particular film. It's really not the end of our relationship!!

OP posts:

cornflakegirl · 11/06/2009 15:17

I don't think his response is unreasonable. DH and I never go to the cinema together, because it's cheaper and more convenient to rent DVDs of films that we both want to see. However, I might go with a bunch of friends, even to see something I wasn't that bothered about, if I wanted to meet up with those people.

As for the fact that he never takes you out - what do you care about most? Going out with him, or him taking the initiative? If the former, then just organise it and enjoy. If the latter, you probably need to explain to him that this is important to you, and why.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 15:38

When he explained it to me, I didn't think it was all that unreasonable either.

I'd love it if he took the initiative but do understand that he works hard and works long days and maybe the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is go out again. As a SAHM, the idea of going out is probably far more attractive to me.

He's booked a week off to take us all to Center Parcs later in the year so we will spend time together which will be great family time - I just need to work on the "couple time" a bit...

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 11/06/2009 18:23

sarah... don't listen to that nonsense re him not being into you. What an awful thing to say to you at this time, being pregnant. Ignore it. As a SIL who drags her brothers off at a moments notice his decision was not a reflection on his feelings for you. I bet when they suggested the movie he couldn't even remember saying no to you. Honestly.
When i'm out with my brothers i remind them how wonderful their wives are and often give them a female perspective on situs they hadn't considered.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 18:28

Luckily for me, I know (cause he told me) that DH thinks I look gorgeous when pregnant.

I may only be at the 'could pass for fat' stage right now but it won't be long till bump looks a bit more bump like and we'll be fine

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 11/06/2009 19:41

Well if your at that stage then your hormones will be flying all over the place

Original poster

SarahL2 · 11/06/2009 20:50

Yup - but in my defence, that was the first thing I wrote on this thread

12 weeks (and first scan) tomorrow

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 11/06/2009 21:03

Good luck.

Original poster

SarahL2 · 12/06/2009 20:20

DS went to MIL's house today while DH and I went for our scan so we've had most of the day alone together.

We got to the hospital early and decided to sit on the grass outside in the sun chatting and kissing . Then after the scan (which went really well) we went out and had lunch together then did a bit of shopping.

As we were driving to pick DS up, DH told me that he'd had a lovely day with me.

Feeling very loved up and content today

OP posts:

barnsleybelle · 12/06/2009 20:22

Oh that's lovely, so glad everything went well for you today.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread