To not want to be the recipient of this sort of charity?

[pumpkinslush]

I have spent quite some time lately tidying up my spare room and sorting through all my own possessions, ebaying, donating and passing stuff on when I could. This is all so that I can have a workable spare room for visitors (and DP to have an occasional uninterrupted night) and most importantly space to study without having to clear everything away if I am interrupted. I am in a very small flat and have little storage space and with all baby stuff it seems smaller than ususal

A few days ago a friend then sent me several binbags full of stuff - kids clothes, toys etc as she was having a clearout.
A nice gesture? - except firstly she knows I dont buy and rarely accept second hand stuff, (this is purely personal and I am prepared to be flamed for it but as the youngest of a large family I was always the recipient of hand me downs and never seemed to have anything new - and as an adult I tend to steer clear of anything second hand, silly I know, theres nothing wrong with it but its just a stupid qualm)
Secondly, she knows I have already been complaining about the amount of stuff I have and my limited storage, and have most of the items given already- I really dont need more toys and clothes.
Thirdly the stuff is totally unsorted with lots of unsuitable stuff - clothes too small etc.
Fouthly the way it was sent to me was via a mutual friend and made it impossible to politely refuse anything

So now my 'study' is filled back up with bags and boxes, again to be sorted, and I have spent my study time washing loads of clothes, cleaning toys and put most of it to be given to other friends or charity

I can appreciate the gesture of giving but feel used as a bit of a dumping ground: She has her clearout and feels good because shes given it away, but I now have the choice of throwing out her stuff, thus being wasteful and ungreatful or sorting it out, spending my time and energy on it, and having it occupying my space.

I give stuff away to friends but tend to think about it first - eg make sure items are washed, right size, possibly useful, and always mention that its an offer - if they dont want or need it, then fine.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off? or am I just an ungreatful cow?

If you think it's reasonable stuff then just trot it down to the charity shop but if it is minging then shove it in the trash.

Charity shops don't want stuff they can't sell and we certainly didn't appreciate a donation of a pair of trousers with a panty liner still attached!

There's a thread next door where someone's friend keeps asking her for her old stuff - maybe you could send it there!

(GLAC - common trainers, v funny )

I loved getting stuff, no matter what, but we're all different. Just dump the lot at a charity shop. Next time you see your friend don't even mention it, and if she does you can say you disposed of it appropriately, and let her work out what you mean! (If she gets arsey, then suggest she gives it in person next time, then you can say no.)

oddly enough Goodwitch that was my first thought on reading that thread! And Scotia

Its tidier now so I am less ranting. Stuff wasnt vile or anything, just lightly stained and friend has pets so cat hair etc and fusty from storage
I have taken 2 or 3 items out, so that when friend asks I can say I have used some of it, and she will not feel slighted.
I have sorted it into neat piles and invited another person whos not having the easiest financial time over for a cuppa- she can have her pick of it, and some of my stuff too, no pressure
then anything thats left goes to charity tomorrow morning
but I still feel a bit meh that I had to sort the contents of her loft for her so
I will practice polite refusal of the next lot

clicks heels and skips to sunny side of street

I am trying to be gracious [gracious] but am having a martyr complex over this one

but I dont actually need or enjoy being given hand me downs

I need my space to study and my time to spend with the baby, not to use both to sort through others clutter

But then I stupidly chose to go through the bags and sort the stuff, so IABU over that
Wont make that mistake again!

Scotia- meant to say I would be happy to give you the stuff but checked your profile and you are very far away

Lol, thanks for the thought pumpkin - very kind of you to think of me

You could offer it on the 'for free' section on here if someone could pick it up.

I didn't think you were being unreasonable, btw. We are all different

Bin it. Lazy cow using you as a dump.

Take it to the tip.Or get someone else to do it for you. Don't get worked up about it.

Agree with blu. You need to say no thanks when you don't want something.

You are not relly being unreasonable, but , as she probably gave you all these items in good faith, thinking they might be of use tio you I would not complain about it . I would let her know that in the future I would prefer for her to go straight to the charity shop and bypass you as you are not interested in her unwanted things.

It is funny how different people are, when I was little , most of the clothes I was wearing were second hand, and I loved it. We had a neighbour whose niece was just a bit older than me and had fabulous taste in clothes. I always find it very exiting when someone passes things to my Dcs but I have to admit , I do not always keep everything I am given .

Hard to say no thanks though when its delivered through a mutual friend.

I give my sister clothes for her youngest that my youngest has grown out of but sort them beforehand and remove any that are the wrong age or stained - surely thats just polite.

I do think there's a difference between trying to help someone out and just using someone as a dumping ground.

So i don't think you were being unreasonable.

YANBU.
Im not a fan of donated item either...I never had anything 2nd hand as a lo (apart from thing from my older sister although not much iir) and I don't intend to start now....Im also very fortune that atm we are in a situation where we don't need hand downs/donated items.

BUT im more than happy to offer stuff to friends and im not offended if they refuse (tbh never been in that situation). I donate to charity alot, ebay alot and clothing I sell to a lady locally who sell's on..

It may be an idea to do that.? There may be someone locally who will buy items for cash..? My lady pays around £8 for 30 items. Not massive money BUT helps and I only send stuff I wouldn't sell.

In fact, my mum turned up here with a bag of clothes from her friends daughter (knowing full well I hate 2nd's) saying "oh but theres lovely stuff in there...

I sold it on..