to be angry with DH for swearing at DD?

[ineedalifelaundry]

My 9 month old DD is having some sleep/teething issues and last night she woke at around 2am. At 3.30, I was still trying to get her back to sleep and DH woke up, very grumpy. I told him to go sleep on sofa as he had work in the morning and I never ask him to help in the night when he has work the next day. He grumped around the bedroom demanding to know where spare bedding is (as if he didn't know!) and on his way out the door he looked at DD, who was already upset, and practically shouted at her "Go to sleep, twat!"

This is not a one off. He has displayed what I think is an unacceptable level of anger towards her before.

Thing is, do I talk to him about it tonight? Should I let him know how wrong I think his behavior is? He did send me a text 2 mins after saying sorry. But he always lets his anger get the better of him and then apologises later.

It's our wedding anniversary today, our relationship is somewhat fragile at the moment and I don't think I can face ruining what ought to be a romantic day for us. But I'm so angry on behalf of my DD. How dare he speak to his daughter that way! She may not understand the words but she understands the sentiment, surely.

What should I do?

I agree that many of us have probably lost it in the middle of the night (usually after many nights of being up 'all' night) and said something we wouldn't normally. It's not the end of the world. However, he wasn't the one dealing with it, he had other rooms to go into and he called her a horrible name - to me 'shut the fuck up would you!' and 'Go to sleep twat' are two quite different things - not because of the words, but because of the feeling behind them. I think one is despair at the situation and the other just anger directed at her.

Throwing the bowl across the room would worry me, not if it was a one off, but that doesn't seem the case.

If you already think you will have to defend one of them against the other - then I think you need to do something about it now, no matter how good he otherwise is, he has anger issues IMO.

Hi Ineed, your last post made me want to write as our situations sound a bit similar. I too was with dh for 15 years before we had our ds, and he had always had a temper.

Thing is, I've always known he would never cross the line into violence, so I was always able (and willing) to let him vent his anger/frustration. Others found it terrifying, but it just didn't bother me.

However, the first time he had an outburst when ds was there (ds was about 1) ds was absolutely terrified. Dh didn't do anything to ds, he wasn't even shouting at him, but I could see if he did this ds would be scared of him.

We had a really good talk about the kind of relationship he wants to have with ds, and he would never want ds to be scared of him. So we agreed that this is something he will not do. We have made it beyond 'the line' - like hitting me would be.

Ds and dh have a fantastic relationship now btw - and in fact dh is coping with ds' 'terrible twos' much better than I am.

I'm sorry but it sounds really unacceptable. I have a temper on me but I have never called my child a name or got so angry at them when they were babies.

I didnt even get angry at my DCs until they were over a year.
He needs to realise that this is really bad and has to work out a way of dealing with this.

I'm sorry but it sounds really unacceptable. I have a temper on me but I have never called my child a name or got so angry at them when they were babies.

I didnt even get angry at my DCs until they were over a year.
He needs to realise that this is really bad and has to work out a way of dealing with this.