Or is this both childish and dangerous?

[l39]

Background - I've never learned how to drive. As a passenger, I know my place and I don't attempt to criticise or distract the driver. I am uneasy on motorways - used to be very scared years ago but mostly got over it. Then yesterday dh and I went to London. The weather was very changable - bright sunshine one minute, then driving rain, and I was nervous. It didn't help that I'm 21 weeks pregnant and so at least 3 weeks off viability if I was injured and went into premature labour.

So, as drivers, what is the best course of action if you see your passenger is afraid (though keeping it quiet) -

a) 'If you're that worried, I'll get off the motorway, even though it will take twice as long to get there.'

b) 'I'll be really careful and stick to the speed limit most of the time.'

c) 'Look at you, you're terrified! I'm a safe driver! No one does under 85! If you don't talk to me I'll doze off! I'm closing my eyes! I'm taking my hands off the wheel! Stop holding your seat! I'm doing 95 now and if you don't calm down we're going to crash!'

I would've said b) but then, I'm not a driver. What happened, obviously, was c).

Is a worried passenger really so insulting to a driver that it's reasonable to throw a tantrum while driving? He wasn't exaggerating about being tired, either. He went to sleep as soon as we got home in the middle of the afternoon, which he only does a couple of times a year. It seems to me even worse to drive at 85mph and over when you know you're tired than if you're feeling fine. What do other people think?

So mayorq, let me get this straight.

If you offer a person a lift and they accept it, you then have the right to drive as dangerously as you like, and they aren't allowed to criticise or even look nervous, as that is insulting?

The thing is, thousands of drivers are dangerous. Just becuase they've been lucky so far and haven't had an accident doesn't mean they have some unique pass to drive over the limit, too close to car in front etc.

I admit I'm a nervous passenger myself - it's not a slight on DP, it's becuase I'm only too aware of what complete and utter morons much of the driving public are.

Apalling driving is a fact - there's no point making it into a politeness issue.

That is exactly what DH does! YANBU, he is being a twat. ASAIAC if you are dirving a passenger, you should be resposive to your passengers comfort, especially if that passenger happens to be your pregnant partner! Its not like he was plodding along at 60 in the slow lane.

DH sometimes drives in a way that makes me nervous and I will spontaneously grip the seat or gasp at some sudden movement. And he blames me for putting him off. II am driving pavlov. Not you. me.

YANBU - my dh also has a tendency to speed and sometimes he makes me nervous.

TBH I wouldn't mind him speeding if he was really focused all the time. It is just those little scary moments when he loses concentration that do it for me.

Oh and also the fact that whenever he has been pulled over by the police he gets really upset with them and says they can't see how good a driver he is. He drives me nuts at times.

Proper YABBU here - second B being Both.

That's twattish behaviour from the driver, obviously - but he was tired, and you can't share the driving, because you've never bothered to learn to drive. And were displaying anxiety visibly - I have a mental image of Catherine Tate's Margeret the Frightened Woman. This is insanely irritating. And insulting.

In reply to Tommy, earlier - that's exactly what happened, in 1965. The DoT picked a number out of the air. And at that time the top speed of most cars was about 85-90mph, brakes were drums all round, and tyre technology was pretty agricultural.

Don't get me wrong, we need speed limits, but to pretend that the 70mph NSL for motorways and DCs was carefully and scientifically worked out is nonsense.

Thanks, everyone. My husband did apologise next day, saying he overreacted because he wasn't feeling well.
I think if I learned to drive I'd be one of those timid people who causes crashes by stopping dead when they ought to join the motorway! So probably not a good idea.
We don't have to go on motorways that often and I'm ok on other roads (not entirely rational as crashes happen there too!). I'll try to be less nervous next time and hopefully he won't be such a git either (it was out of character).

139 - Don't feel you can't be a driver if you're nervous. I've been driving for 25 years and hate anything other than the local journeys I'm very familiar with. I hardly ever drive on motorways and when I do I'm consumed with fear. I have no sense of direction which doesn't help and panic like mad in strange situations. (I picked my DH up from the local station the other evening and had to drive through some roadworks on the way back. I didn't realise I was doing anything other than slow down in the middle of them while I got my bearings as they were a bit confusing and DH said, "FGS, don't stop here!")

BUT I'm so glad I can drive. DH is never in until late so, with 3 kids in or approaching their teens I'm the family chauffeur. They'd miss out on so many activities if I wasn't able to drive them around.

agree with Morris

dh is actually a very careful driver, sticks to the speed limit (but doesn't crawl either), takes account of weater conditions, keeps a decent distance to the car in front

if he wasn't I'd certainly have something to say to him

I am not obliged to risk my life to spare his feelings

Dear heavens, I can't believe some of the stuff people write here! So it's 'insulting' and 'irritating' to a speeding driver if the passenger gasps in horror or grips the sides of their seat or asks him to slow down? It's a darn sight more insulting when speed is the cause of a fatal accident, as it all too often is, by one of these 'good' speeding drivers.

Tell me something, those of you who think speed limits are for other people - if a child of yours was killed in a RTA by someone driving over the speed limit would you want that person's speeding to be mentioned in the subsequent court case? And taken into account when his sentence was being decided? Or would it be 'Oh, it doesn't matter that he was driving at 85 mph, he's never had an accident before, the road was good, why should he stick to the daft speed limit even though study after study has shown speed to be a major factor in road deaths'?

Catch yourselves on! The speed limits are there for VERY good reasons - SPEED KILLS. It kills because everyone thinks they're a good driver, no one ever wants to admit to being a bad one. It kills because no one can see into the future and therefore can't see what could happen in the next minute, the next ten minutes, the next half hour. It's the unpredictability of the future that means there needs to be rules, to try to minimise the danger that road traffic can cause.

If a racing driver gets in a car and drives round a track at speed, most likely he'll come to no harm. Put him on the same track with lots of other drivers, in pouring rain and with a splitting headache, and suddenly the chances of something happening are much increased. Same with ordinary drivers. Yes, you could drive along an empty motorway at 100 mph without mishap - no one to bother you, good road, you're feeling fine. Fill that motorway with traffic, change the weather, acquire a headache or a worry, etc. and you have a very different picture. Drive NOW at 100 mph while all others on the road drive at equally high speed, with all their delusions of being invincible and perfect, and you've a recipe for mayhem. Anyone who doesn't understand that shouldn't be allowed on the road at all, because they're a danger to themselves and to every other road user.

I know what I'm talking about, having been involved in road safety and advanced driving skills for many years. I've seen the heartbreak of dead children and adults, caused by the 'I've never had an accident before in my life' ashen-faced cause of multiple deaths, now facing the knowledge of having taken lives because he decided speed limits didn't apply to him. I've seen prison sentences handed down to these idiots, people sent to jail because they thought the law was for other people, not for them.

So, 139, your husband is officially a law-breaker AND an idiot. How nice that he apologised to you; will he do the same when his speeding causes a fatal accident? If/when he causes someone to lose their life, maybe you or your child(ren), he may decide he was wrong to break the speed limit OR he may decide it wasn't his fault because, as everyone know, speed limits are for wimps and accidents happen and what's one life more or less anyway ...

Anyone who advocates ignoring the speed limits should NOT be behind the wheel until they grow up. I'm sorry for you, I think you deserve better.

I agree with Iseult40. And I have a speeding DH. It makes me soooooo mad!!

Fantastic post, Iseult40.