Would you like to share with me your moments of hypocrisy?

[BalloonSlayer]

We had the News of the World delivered by mistake today, instead of the Sunday Times.

Had a quick delighted read, catching up on Jordan's marital problems and Kerry Katona's weight gain.

Then returned it to the shop with a contemptuous attitude.

Am I the worst hypocrite, or does anyone else have any guilty secrets?

Oh funny! I did the same last year with the Mail on Sunday.

"Stop shouting!" bellowed at my DC

"DS, stop spending so much time on the computer!"

oh yes stop shouting shouted! no your not having any more biscuits whillst hiding the six bourbon creams i am going to secretly dip into my tea!

Oh yes, I used to do that at work. Have a good read of the sun and then buy the times and half read it.

I also buy loads of salads and celery and red peppers to cut up and snack on. I just have toast with choc spread though...

"Do you ever stop talking?"

• to DD, grumpily, after being interupted during a 90 minute call to my sister.

Oh and I tell DD she can't have pudding unless she eats vegetables, with little or no intention of eating any myself when I have my dinner.

'Don't fucking swear!' is one of mine too, Riven

Also am very hypocritical about phone use - but naturally I need to have long phone conversations, unlike my teenage dc...

And I am hypocritical about chocolate consumption and keep a stash at the back of the fridge. But I think that's probably essential to my well-being and therefore the quality of my parenting

I'm guilty of pretty much everything has been posted.
And I now feel an urge to go and check the daily mail website

Tut-tuting about friends' DD who just dropped out of Uni.
My comments to DH: "She won't get a job", "She won't have the self-discipline to complete her degree via OU", "She's closed too many doors."

And then the sudden realisation that I dropped out of Uni myself 23 years ago ( it all worked out well for me, too')

'no you can't have anything from the sweetie tin it's just after lunch go and play' to my friend's and my dcs, while hiding sweetie tin behind my back and with mouth full of percy pigs

"No you can't have another slice of cake, you won't eat your dinner, you can just wait you won't starve" - all said whilst mnching my way through a bag or tortillas and a tub of hoummous.

"Get off that laptop and do something useful" whilst I was sat reading the Sunday Times.

These in the last couple of hours

PMSL at these. I don't feel quite so bad now.

Also PMSL at whoever got the Sunday Times this morning instead of the Screws of the World.

They'd have to go to the newsagent saying: "What's this shitty rag you've been trying to palm me off with? It's full of crap like Gordon Brown in crisis. And the impact of the recent elections on the government! Who'd be interested in that for fuck's sake? And the only tits in it are in the magazine, and artfully lit - that's an abomination!!"

Reminds me of the time, a while ago, when we used to get the Guardian once a week. One day, on Guardian day, we got the Telegraph by mistake. I thought: Gawd, the Torygraph, and made a mental note to call into the paper shop to swap it. To my amusement, the doorbell rang in less than a minute. It was the paper boy, abashed, proferring the Guardian and asking for the Telegraph back. I can only assume that the Torygraph reader had collared him and, in some outrage, had instructed him to retrieve his precious paper forthwith.

LOL at these!

Telling their kids that buying a comic just because it has a crappy plastic toy with it is silly then buying a magazine I don't usually just because it comes with a Cath Kidston wash bag!

Telling eldest child she is beautiful and doesn't need make up, but refusing to even answer the door without my "face" on

Only letting ds take 1 brownie to school as they are not very healthy, but now tucking into my 3rd of the morning!

Teaching my children it's the "taking part that counts" but spending 5 hours making an Easter bonnet because I wanted to win.

Teaching my children the importance of honesty, then insisting to friends that the above mentioned bonnet was something I "threw together in an hour or so"

(In my defence "bonnet-gate" was when I was new to parenting (many moons ago ) when I was less secure about my parenting skills........

Gosh I am such a MASSIVE hypocrite!

SG

DD: I'm just stupid.

Me: No you're not don't be so bloody stupid!

I LOVE 'bonnet-gate'

Yes OP, I, too, am a massive hypocrite. All of the above and more.

e.g. sneering a wee bit behind my SIL's back about how PFBish her children are, how rigid she is with routine etc... and then getting all precious myself about my own DC's routine.

The food thing is a big one. Refusing to let dd have more than half a biscuit (she's a toddler) then putting the Night Garden on so I can go to the kitchen and dunk the rest of the packet in my tea

Eyeballs i am thinking the same thing at the moment

I spend all day on the computer while DH is at work and tut at him when he's on there and doesn't spend time with his DW and DD when he gets home

Bad wife and mother

LOL I have a rule that if we're in the living room with dd, we not both allowed on our laptops at the same time as it's not fair on dd...this is after I've spent most of the day on my own with dd and been sitting on MN

Thats me!

Blanching, fainting and grabbing door handles while DP is driving 1mph over the speed limit. Driving like Colin McRae myself.

Going ballistic at crumby and bean-splattered state of kitchen floor after I have swept and washed it. Walking my wet shoes all over wooden hallway floor after DP has swept and washed it ready for people to come and view the house.

Being holier than thou about watching minimal TV on account of it all bieng crap. Having in-depth analytical conversation about the entrants to this years BB house.

Blah blah blah having children is sooo restrictive, makes your partner change their perception of you from lover to mother and you'll never get that back yadda yadda yadda. TTC#1.

Going on (and on, and on) at dd (3) about how important sleep is... yet gleefully staying up late into the night myself made worse by the fact I know I'll have to get up to feed ds at least twice...