To be mightily peeved my brother at his response when I told him I was pregnant?

[familywhoneedsem]

He is a pain in the ass to get hold of. He called me back a couple of months ago after I called him a few times to tell him my news, and then when I returned his call he did not answer.

So I emailed him yesterday, telling him I am now 16 weeks pg, all positive news.

His response, at 4am this morning 'lil sis my life is crap, been to jail again'.

That was it. That was his sole response. End. Of.

Now should I feel sorry for him that his life is shit and think oh poor thing he must not be happy hearing good news like this? Or am I right to think he is so selfish and fucking self absorbed to not even acknowledge what I have just told him.

I really do not know why I gave him any credit for actually being there for me. I have no family. I have my brother who lives pretty much as far from me as you can get ( not on purpose I might add, he is in the army) and his own life, an estranged sister, and my parents died in 2007. No other family. Well that is not true. I have DH, my DD, and I also have Family in Law who are great, but they all live in USA. But I should have realised this brother would be too wrapped up in his own shit to give a toss about me.

And its his own bloody fault he is in prison right?

I am so disappointed and fucked off.
AIBU.

congratulations, i for one am delighted by your news! i love hearing about new little babies! ..... you bro is to be pityed...he's not in a good place, dont feel guilty about him its not your fault,everyone makes there own choices .

No - not a counsellor

But I have lost both my parents, and had a slightly iffy relationship with my big brother for a long time - though we seem to have sorted it out now.

What has helped me though is that you see your parents again in your children - my DD is so like my Mum in personality (stubborn, argumentative and clever), while DS3 looks just like my Dad. It has given me a lot of comfort - like I've lost them but yet they're still very much around. I hope you get to see that with your DCs as well.

Long-term addicts are very draining people to be around. And, yes, from their point of view their entire world does revolve around them. It doesn't make it right, it's just part of the twisted thinking that goes along with addiction.

Sad as it is, it's easiest to just have no expectations whatsoever when it comes to someone who's addicted to drugs. They'll do whatever it is they'll do; your job is to get on and have as good a life as you can with the family you are creating - your DH and DCs.

P.S. Congratulations!

Hassled - I am starting to see it in DD, she says 'nope' in the exact way my mum does, and does this little pout when she is upset that my mum used to do when she was annoyed its quite spooky!

I can't honestly say that my brother will ever sort himself out. He has shown no signs of it so far. The fact that he has been able to hold down a job is a good sign, but he works in the construction industry so can easily move on to other jobs if he gets a bad reputation where he is, and does this frequently. He is worse then he used to, not better.

I shall await his response from my email, (and will probably go find out at work tomorrow anyway what he was sent to prison for) and take it from there, but think I will back off from him for now.

I have a very happy home life, we have had our own problems but we are a strong unit, me DH and DD. And our US family are very supportive even though they are 1000s of miles away. So I am not entirely alone. I am just feeling sorry for myself!

Snorbs - its funny, because I work with people just like my brother in my job! But its so so so different when its family. I guess I hoped it would be different for him. With him. But he is no different than many, other than that he is my brother. But as you say, he is a drug addict and his behaviours are typical of a drug addict. Completely typical.

I guess, I also feel bad that I can help or try to help strangers but cannot do a thing to help him. Not the kind of help he wants anyway.

Sounds like my brother. When I texted him news of my DS's birth he replied with some crap about being an outcast from the family, it was very woe is me. He is a knob, has never visited me or seen DS. I am glad I found out then to be honest.