To have had enough and finally called the police? involving ds1 and school.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Get a call today from my mum who works in ds1's school ( I have just got new number and school not got it yet) to tell me ds1 has been hurt. I can hear him crying in the background, saying Nanny it really hurts.

She says, "TLES, if you had sent him to school like this he would be taken away by SS and you would be arrested"

Anyway I go to the school and find ds1 with his arm badly scratched. I went to the head teacher and she asked ds1 what had happened.

He says the girl has been making comments towards him and threatening to "get him" and at lunch time after he had taken his glasses up to class he came back down and she came from round the corner at the bottom of the stairs and laid into him. He has scrathes all up his arm some quite deep.

The head teacher has the attitude of "well she is upstairs very upset because she is in trouble and you must have done something to upset her and cause her to do this. She doesn't have behaviour problems which would be the only reason anyone would do something like this unprovoked"

DS1 again said he had done nothing to her and was told again he must have.

When I think about the amount of times I have left the school to deal with things and they have gone unresolved I know I was not unreasonable to call the police in on this one.

YANBU!! Going thru something similar with my ds, he is 6 and there is a boy in his class who picks on him constantly, and then threatens him with his "gang", i was horrified to hear a 6yr old could have a gang!
the teacher said she was dealing with it,but tbh things have not improved, and when i complain to her about the other boys behaviour, she say "you have to feel sorry for him, what must his home life be like?"
WTF???
I dont feel sorry for him, he is a little and i have said to my son that if he touches him again, I will deal with it, and that will mean either the police or some civil action against the school, who are failing to protect my child.
Problem is the head refuses to acknowledge the bullying exists, which doesnt help!
I have a place at another school for my son in september, and he knows its only a few weeks then he will be free of this child.
I think you did the right thing, and i will be eager to know what happens.

How old is your son/ the girl?
If she is under 10 the Police cant do a lot as she is under the age of criminal responsibilty.

My DS1 was subject to low level bullying in year 8, which culminated in a silly episode where boys were spraying deodorant and setting the vapour on fire. They sprayed the back of his chair in a lesson and set it on fire and he was lucky not to be set alight. To begin with teacher refused to believe it had happened - when I arranged the witnesses to report it too and reminded the head that "Arson being reckless as to endangerment of life" was a very serious offence carrying, potentially, life imprisonment and gave them 48 hours to take in action before I called in the police they did investigate, and suspended the culprits.
DS1 had no more problems with this group afterwards, as he and his friends who supported him had made it very clear they would not just back down. You need to report, involve police, do anything you can and ensure you do not just give in to this sort of thing.

As has already been said, I am astounded at the sort of thing teachers/HTs turn a blind eye to, that would be considered serious assault/ABH/stalking/harrrassment if they happened in the street or in the home.

Whatever happened to recognition of non accidental injury?

My son was repeatedly physically assaulted and received death threats. HT refused to believe any of it was happening - even when her own welfare staff were cleaning and dressing his injuries.

Bloody hell, TLES, your poor ds. Have you ever contacted Kidscape? Excellent charity, will support you and ds and help you tackle the school, give you lots of information about what schools SHOULD be doing and how to hold them to account.

That is not exactly true .I have had this conversation with a friends huspand who is a PC.A crime has still been comitted even if teh child is below the age of criminal culability and certainly his sergeant would definitely take it seriously and go into school.
However in our case i contacted the school nurse and when she started asking questions the school took things seriously.
The problem is that too many teachers take the line of least resistance and don't do anything unless they have no choice.

It never ceases to amaze me how many heads bury their heads in the sand (pardon the pun) and refuse to deal with these issues; blaming the victim and saying they must have said something to provoke an attack.

There have been so many posts in the last week about physical attacks on their children in and outside school, it just shows how badly these incidences are being dealt with by people who are supposed to be protecting our children.

I posted this week about my DD who was attacked by a bunch of girls from another school on her way home from school. I sent a comlaint to the head via e-mail 5 days ago and the head hasn't even had the decency to reply even with the threat of police action.

Perhaps it's time to start making a stand. If every child who was physically attacked went to the police making complaints of GBH perhaps heads might start to take them more seriously.

The more I read posts about this the more I become.

Pjmama, The problems are that the other children have spent far too long getting away with being racist and bullies. Ok not all of them, But whenever there is an, incident for example I have just started letting DS1 come home from school alone and have been giving him £1 to get a drink. The other day it was stolen from the Money tray in the class first he went to the class teacher who told him that there was nothing he could do about it, then he went to the head teacher who said she would deal with it the next day, as of yet there has been nothing. Anyway the following day he had a group of children from his class surround him while another stood in front of him kicking him....when I brought this up in front of the HT the class teacher said Oh I have dealt with it, I asked what the outcome had been and was told "its all been dealt with now" the HT replied "I don't know as I knew nothing about it until now". I am told the same 3 childrens names as witnesses to what happened are ALWAYS present at the time. Now maybe just maybe I am wrong but I find it hard to believe that regardless of what part of the school an incident happens and regardless of which child it involves other than ds1 that the same 3 children are always there.

Now I will tell you the reasons for the blame being laid on ds1 all the time, and I have said this numerous times over the years and more recently have said it to the school. The school do not want to be seen as racist, DS1 is the only white child in the class and only 1 of possibly 6 in the entire school from nursery to year 6.

During in year 5 I kept ds1 off for an entire month as a child had been niggling at him and said to ds1 "You bought your shoes in Poland" DS1 laughed and said "yeah and you bought yours in Africa" Now ds1 is of polish descent and this boy is of african descent. So as far as I can see they both made the same comment. The boy lashed out at ds1 punching him in the head, face and neck. Firstly the school never called me, secondly the boy got an afternoon out of class in the nursery, and thirdly when I called the school the following morning and spoke to the HT to tell him ds1 had been complaining of a headache all night and I was taking him to the drs, he said to me "Well that doesn't surprise me, he was quite violently assaulted BUT he must have done something to provoke it" It all came out what had happened after I wrote to the school, head, head of governors etc and I received a letter from the HT stating that ds1 had made a comment with an extreme racial undertone which had been unprovoked, even though the other child had made the comment first and admitted it. It was DS1 who had his name put in the book for racism.

More recently a child accused him of saying "I raped your mum last night" 3 days later in front of his parents the boy admitted he had made it up to get DS1 in trouble, yet DS1 had spent 3 days missing morning breaktime. He had said all along that he had not said it, but once again the class teacher would not listen.

Bucharest, She has a great ability of turning things around, simply by turning on the tears and claiming to be the victim. DS1 on the other hand will argue his point if he knows he has done nothing wrong, the school don't like this, so he is more often than not TOLD he has done whatever he has been accused of.

TheOther, I have had a copy of the bullying policy, which basically states they will not tolerate bullying on any level. What a real shame that they brush it under the carpet.

Junglist, I have written to the MP, the Local Education Dept the governors and the head teacher.

Riven, Yes I have called the Police, They are calling me back on Monday.

Chickydee, that does not surprise me. DS1 was victim of bullying by a child in his class who formed a gang. Their main thing was to tell the other children in the class not to play with DS1 because he is white. I went to the school many times over this. And to this day it still happens. I know how you feel with the relief of a new school DS1 starts secondary in September and I cannot wait, i have deliberatly chosen a school where none of them will be going and the ratio of black/white children is more even iyswim?

MrsMc, DS1 is 10 and the girl is 11.

Higgle, Thankgod your ds1 was ok!!!

3Little, the first aider was furious over what has happened to ds1 AGAIN, he is more often than not sent in to receive cleaning, dressings for something that has been done to him. YET still the school claim there is no bullying in there,

Edam, I will be contacting them on Monday, Thankyou!

I posted this link to Kidscape on another bullying thread. I think it contains excellent advice.

www.kidscape.org.uk/assets/downloads/ksBullyStagesAdviceParents-WebsiteVersion.PDF

I would take him out of there now. And, send a letter containing everything you have said here to:

The head, the governers, the LEA, OFSTED, and the police.

Get in touch with Kidscape.

It sounds very like what happened to my ds. I realised that there was no way I was going to win, so I just took him out.

Sorry - I realise you have written lots of letters, but have you put in all the information in one letter? Taken together the way you have just written it here, it paints a pretty dreadful picture.

It sounds as if the HT has a very ignorant and limited view of racism.

I contacted the police a few years ago when DD was being bullied my girls in the street. I admit I had to do it or otherwise I would have been arrested for assault if I had gone to the parents, (DH had been a few times to try to talk to them).

One girl was 10 and the other 8, the police took it very seriously.

Good luck to you and your son x

Sounds like its a losing battle. I'd find a new school if I were you.

I would take him out but he only has 6 weeks of school left there and then he is out permanantly.

I have not put it all in one letter, with each incident I write another letter.

PJmama, he is in yr 6 so only has a few weeks left.

TLES sadly the reaction you got from the head is not uncommon.. nor the comments of the bully/child concerned is very upset.
well they would be upset.. they got caught, and don't want to take responability for their actions.

YANBU in calling the police. I have had to do this regarding attacks at school. no the school don't like it.. but that's tough IMO. They should be dealing with the problem. which it doesn't sound like they are doing.

If your son only has a few weeks left at the school it would be hard on him to be moved schools.. and if you can get the school to do something about the situation.. at least your son will see some closure. IMO.

I'm in the same type of situation .. i.e where I can't actually move ds2 to a different school ( long story) .. so he's stuck there. But I have created merry hell with the school a) to stop the bullying, B) to let ds2 see some closure. and C) to actually get the school to change their attitude and policies ( and we have had sme success with this area.

DS2 support team agree that to move schools now with him in such a state also wouldn't do him any good and that he needs to see closure.

what gets me and I've said it lots of times before, is that it is always the victim that has to move schools.. at a point where they are not confident etc.. and the bullies really seem to get away with it.

A much harder line needs to be taken IMO with the bullies.
I.e you have a history of continual bullying.. your removed from the school.. and your parents have to deal with finding an education for you.
or you cause serious harm to another.. your removed from the school.

I do think this system could be used along side 1-1 and support and behavioural management for the bullies.

anyway. go to the school ask for a copy of the bullying policy, discaplin policy, and greivance procedure. try and be calm and factual in meetings.. keep a diary.. write to the head, then clerk of governors, lea, childrens directorate, ofsted etc if you don't get anywhere with each step.

the best (worst ) thing I have had said to me.. when I pointed out that had one of the teachers been attacked in the same way as ds2, what would they do about it.. and then if they had to face this everyday with no escape.. what would they do/ how would they feel... the answer.. but were talking about children here!

we need a national run hard line policy that is the same in every school.

sorry .. have just seen who you have written to.. keep writing to them.. if they say ( as in our case) that policys have been followed as they probably will. write to them and ask why the bullying is still continuing?

It sounds as if your son is the victim of racist bullies and I know there isn;t long left now but seriously, get him out of there and put in a formal complaint to the governors ccing in the Head of the LEA.

It sounds as if the head thinks that all racists are white and that as your son is white he can not possibly be a victim of racism.

I used to live in an area with a high ethnic mix and the worst racism problems were between two differnt ethnic monorities against each other.

This is totally NOT acceptible and YANBU to be very, very angry indeed.

Your poor ds.

Can you take him out of school until the end of term? I know it's a bit drastic, but he shouldn't have to tolerate this bullying any more.

your boy sound like a little hero TLES just for going to school each day. If he knows that this is what he's facing he must feel sick just thinking about going there.

I agree with Scotia. I'd just keep him home now until the end of school. That school just can't, or won't, keep him safe. I'd also get in touch with the commission for racial equality. it sound like the staff at this school need some training to understand exactly what racism in. Your whole story makes me so cross on behalf of you & your boy.

I think I'd be writing some steaming letters to the head of education at LEA, and making sure I cc'd a copy to Headteacher , Chair of Governors and class teacher at your boy's school. The school has two crucial issues here. 1) It's own brand of inverted racism. 2) It's unwillingness to face up to and tackle bullying issues within the school.

Oooh, I can feel the fury . .

He is not going to be learning anything anyay given the stress he must be under. The place is doing him more harm than good, I would take him out now.

3Little, thats the whole point he HAS learnt really well and is in the top sets of all subjects, and G&T for Litracey. I asked him if he wanted to stay off until he went to his new school. But he wants to be in school as yr6 do an end of school production.