AIBU to STILL be influenced by my mother even though I'm 39??????

[CDMforever]

I am at present a SAHM but had always planned to go back to work teaching when the my DS and DD started school. I would only want to go back part time, 2 or 3 days a week. Me and DH have discussed this at length and although money is tight and will be for the next few years, have decided that we will make sacrifices for me to be at home then when I do go back to work, things will, at least financially improve. I was discussing this with my mother today and she said she didn't see why I had to go back to work at all and why did I need to do this? She said that as we're getting by now, we can continue to do this. I said that I like teaching and would like to be valued in a different way to being a SAHM, but she didn't seem to understand this. I feel confused and, as usual, feel like I'm being coerced into something unwillingly by my parent. She's a wonderful mum. I think its me. I always find it hard to disagree with her or be assertive about my own views and needs. Haven't brought this up with DH yet. He'll probably say, what's it got to do with her?

Nod agree and do your own thing anyway.

You really don't need her approval.

oh they have so much influence.

I think we all are still wanting to please our parents even if they are totally nasty.

I worry for ages about comments my mum makes even when I feel very strongly about something.

For example my mum has accused me of being 'totally irresponsible' for wanting a third child as she cannot get her head around the fact that we want one more and because I have had some health problems.

She upset me so much and made me question it all again.

I think if you respect your mum it is even harder to accept it when they disagree with them.

It's difficult especially if you are close to your mum, but you must do what feels right for you. I would have loved to stay at home, however it was better if I worked 3 days a week, and to be honest I have the best of both worlds, adult conversation (as if you get any from husbands) and the time with my daughter is extra special.

This doesn't mean you should do it, it's your life.

Tamarto you are right, I don't need her approval but when I get it I feel more loved and valued. (God I sound like a head case!)
Noonki, everything you said is so true about wanting to please our parents.Did they feel the same about theirs?

I agree also. I'm 39 too, and my parents are very influential in my life. A wrong word from my mother can make me fret for ages and my dad could never be a laissez faire parent if his lfe depended on it. Some families are just like that. At least they care enough to give input and close relatives are usually the most tactless, unfortunately