AIBU not to want to give free English lessons?

[NoTart]

I live abroad, native English speaker and English teacher. My friends and acquaintances are non-native speakers of English, some people speak very little English at all but EVERYONE wants to speak English with me, though I speak THEIR languages fluently. This is to the point that I could be in the company of 4 French speakers but they want to speak ENGLISH because I´m there! I speak absolutely fluent French!

AIBU to NOT want to speak English in these circumstances? It is completely unnatural and I don´t know to what extent my friendship is sought and to what extent I´m being used as a free English teacher.

So AIBU to be pissed off with the situation? What can I do or say to get out of it?!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all in not wanting to give free lessons - I think that there's a big difference between speaking English with someone who is fairly fluent and looking for conversation practice rather than direct instruction, but that doesn't seem to be happening here. If you were a lawyer/doctor/banker/baker/candlestickmaker then I think it would almost be easier to say something like 'come and see me in the office'.

Having lived here in Germany for more years than I care to think about I've found that I can divide people between the 'friends' who want me to help with their english and those who want to be my friend in whatever language. Years ago I was in a crazy situation where my kids were playing with a neighbour's child and I was talking to my children in German while the neighbour insisted on speaking to me in broken English.

I've never encountered this problem apart from a couple of school kids shouting 'Ello' or 'Do you speek Eengleesh?' every time I turn up at the school gate.

I don't think I'd find it annoying at all. Living and working in France, I get plenty of opportunities to speak French.

I don't think conversing with them is giving free English lessons. It doesn't any planning does it?

But if you don't like it, I'm sure they'll get the message if you keep on replying in the local language.

Or if they are your friends, you could suggest that everyone who's interested chats in English one day a week outside school. Making sure of course that you draw the line at proper lessons.

if they are inviting you round to group coffee sessions so that everyone can practice their painstakingly slow English onyou and quiz you on grammar issues, that's no fun, is it, in the long run?

If you want to keep in with them for the sake of good relations with dc's friends' dp etc, maybe you could say "oh you all seem very keen to get some English conversation practice, would you like to meet once a week, I charge (extravagant sum) for conversation classes?" That way you are in control of it more and you get paid so feel less put upon.

They are putting you on the spot a bit. People think you are bing U when they haven't experienced this kind of thing so much personally. Can grate after a bit. I got a lot ofthis in Germany too.

otherside, I hadn't read your post so wasn't responding to it although it sounds like it!

Worst I had was a non-native speaker of English who taught English as a job. Flippin' 'eck. She'd arrange to meet and then whip out a pile of papers and quiz me on the grammar in minute detail. It was awful, used to give me a real headache. So which would you use in this situation and why? And why is it this here and not that? And in what other situations do you use this? And then she would question my answer and it went on and on.

Now I couldn't give a slippery fish about finicky little grammar details so she totally got on my nerves. It was all under the guise of friendship a bit so I do understand the OP, you can feel when the friendship is not genuine.

She'd also mail me her reports asking me to correct teh English (reports on individual pupils and how they were doing, what they had learnt etc).

Now I couldn't help thinking after a bit, either you lower your standards and teach to the ability you have or you change jobs and do something to your high standards that you are capable of doing alone. Honestly she thought I'd spend hours every month deliberating with her on this kind ofissue. I don't mindthe occasional letter or something but correcting someone else's work all the time is tedious.

NoTart - I used to live in Japan, and exactly the same thing used to drive me mad. YANBU at all, but I have no idea how to stop people doing it I would even get people replying to me in English when I asked a question in (perfectly fluent) Japanese. If it was people I didn't know I used to pretend to be French and not understand, but that won't help in your particular circumstance!

It's sort of reassuring to hear it happens world wide though - I'd put it down as being a Japanese thing!

and while I am remembering that woman and enjoying a good old rant, I'd justl ike to add that she asked me to teach her son about the American civil war in English because he wasn't being taught it at secondary school and she thought it was important.

So?

I suggested she get him a book. I mean fgs. Why does he need to be taught it IN ENGLISH, and what do I know about the American civil war that she doesn't know or he won't find in a history book?

Lovely to "meet" people who understand!

Circumstances dictate my dc are very multillingual, otherwise I wouldn´t bother pushing it if I lived in the UK. I speak 5 languages altogether, partly a gift, mostly circumstances and bloody hard work. I haven´t taken advantage of people in the way I feel I am exploited. As a beginner in a language I would never insist on using it as the language of communication with a native speaker. That´s daft!

Redqueen, your input was really helpful, especially re your child. I have the same thing with mine, native speakers who don´t use the shared language! WHY WHY WHY???!!!! How can you be so stupid?! Particularly with children, it´s blatantly unnatural and the kids pick up on it ..

I like to help certain people too, also people who don´t expect it! It is a pleasure to see a friend progress isn´t it..

zzz, great idea to suggest extravagent sum for proper lessons!!!!!!!!! : ) I really think I might do this! I also know a non native teacher of English and get the same kind of grilling, but not as often as you experieced thank God. I´m afraid she doesn´t understand my answers! Very poor comprehension..

Thanks again for all your support. Nice to know some people understand!

TheRedQueen, are you be chance available for English lessons.... I'll make you a nutella sandwich in exchange

Hmmm yes - know it well. I'm not a walking language school, I used to think to myself.

This is definitely worse for you, tho, because once I was sufficiently fluent, no one bothered trying to talk to me in English. As a teacher they are, perhaps in the nicest possible way, just taking advantage. YA definitely NBU!

I wonder is it the sins of the fathers - so many English people used to shout slowly in English rather than learning the language, now non-English speakers think it's fine to shout fairly at us.

I know what you mean I get fed up when abroad , especially off the beaten track when people want to practise their English on me , when actually i would rather like to practise my German / French/Spanish.But YABU to class people speaking to you in your native tongue as you giving Free English lessons !!

Yes, well, the title of the thread was basically to get peoples attention..

Having said that, a conversation class and a tradition class basically cost the same in a language school! It doesn´t get cheaper as you get more advanced ; )

I had this a bit too in the past, it IS annoying at times. RedQueen speaks some wise words too!

What I wondered was, how about a compromise? - agree with them you will speak English for, say the first half hour or whatever, and then it's "end of lesson" and you will all switch back to French (and to more "chatty" topics if necessary). That way they still get some practice but you also get to socialise. Would that work do you think?

I wonder if a lot of the people who are saying YABU haven't actually lived abroad.

I am not a natural linguist and so am not tremendoulsy useful for this sort of thing as I struggle to explain the finer points of Grammar in my dodgy 2nd language but I know other more talented friends who get driven potty about people's insistence that they speak English to them.

I suspect the solution is to just keep replying in French.

I get this now and again, I find that speaking reeeeaaallly quickly in English in a low mumbled voice and using obscure expressions often helps. And pretending not to understand what they are saying, and asking them politely to repeat it again...and again...and again...and again...and again'

I don't mind speaking English to some people, if they are my friends or people trying to be polite and friendly, then I will respond in English and have a nice chat. You can usually tell. People tend to get bored of it after a while anyway.

Ah, a common problem wherever i have lived.
My sister refers to them as 'language rapists'.
I have particulalry wince inducing memories of living in a remote part of Russia and having my uni students follow me on the tram to the market (in which I would be subtly trying out my fledgeling Russian) and screeching in English by every babushka or memused Georgian watermelon salesman.
Don't protest or explain.Merely continue to respond in French.They will get the message.

YANBU. I speak sod all languages but can imagine that it must be very frustrating trying to hold conversations in a language people are not fluent in, when everyone could simply speak a language that everyone is fluent in. It just doesn't make any sense.

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I am with Gorione here....I am german and live in the UK and I just find it more natural to speak english now, unless I am with german people....
I find it really awkard when people try to speak german to me, because half the time it doesn't make sense, lol....