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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to hurl self from balcony or cliff because...

48 replies

lilysmummy2007 · 05/06/2009 00:21

my sweet perfectly behaved baby girl has turned into a nightmare overnight!!!!! i cant cope with the screaming, tantrums and generally bad behavior. ive heard of the terrible twos, but i never thought it would be this bad!! im at my witts end and really need to vent, please tell me its OK to want to hide in the loo for 30 mins a day just to get away from her, alternatively hurl myself from said cliff or balcony.

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 05/06/2009 00:53

DB, I didn't dare google it for ages after I heard all the stories of feeling ill and so on on here - in the end I was tempted by a link (aren't we always?) and, tbh, it is not that big a deal. It just proves that there is a name for everything

(except the back of your knee/inside of your elbow or whatever - is that an urban myth?)

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:02

How long have you been out there?
Is it 'home' for her yet?
Will it be?
Are you spendling less time with her than you were before you had to deal with your family situation?

There are a lot of things that could be contributing to her behaviour (and tbh your reaction to it ), however, she needs to learn that her behaviour is not acceptable.

They understand a lot more than you give them credit for at that age. You need to talk to her (when she is not angry) and explain that you do not want to hear her 'crying and shouting' (or whatever she understands it to be!!) when she is angry/upset/frustrated and that she will not get anything and you will not listen to her while she is doing it. Explain that she needs to talk to you (LO's here understand that you need to 'talk to me, do not shout and cry' for example) etc etc

Then when she does it, put her somewhere she can't really hurt herself (we used the carpeted hallway) and leave her there, if she continues, shut the door (another sign you aren't listening), tell her to come to you when she is ready to talk properly and then ignore her.

When she does calm down you just have to do your best to understand what she wants and talk her through it - sometimes you have to reward her telling you (hugs etc) but then explain she can't have it anyway (large kitchen knife for example!) which sometimes creates another scene (as she will feel she's done what you asked and still can't have it) all you can do it start again... IME it doesn't take long to fix the problem, so long as you are consistent and FIRM!

Disclaimer: Clearly this is only my opinion and I am known to be somewhat 'old school' rather than new age!

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:05

KCIA - the site I read was about someone else kissing the person, so a 3rd persons 'flavour' - urgh... anyway, movign swiftly on.....

NGDB - why did you choose DB in the first place? Do you know?

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:08

Lilysmummy - also forgot to mention the obvious things such as a balanced diet and lots of sleep! For BOTH of you! Whether it's early to bed or afternoon sleeps, make sure she is well rested, well fed and drinks plenty! It can make a big difference

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 01:20

My mantra whenever they are at a difficult phase is the 'this too shall pass' line, helps to put things into perspective. Also good for getting things into perspecive are taking time off for a walk by yourself, or just going outside to look at stars...

You've had some good advice here from others as re behaviour management, but it does also help to take a short break and breathe. If the parent(s) are calm, it all works much better!!!

screamingabdab · 05/06/2009 01:24

LOL at threenagers

I would also like to add the term tenagers (there's a thread on Beh/Dev at the moment)

BTW hello everyone. Can't believe I am up and on MN. Could not sleep and have already sent 2 emails to work. They will think I am a loon!

Sympathies to the OP. I must also be Old School ChippingIn

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:28

Geo - absolutely!! This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.... and it does so very quickly when you look back doesn't it! It's only when you are in the middle of it that it D R A G S O N F O R E V E R............

Screamingabdab - nice to see you here, not often we get the pleasure at this time of night (morning??)... maybe you could go in to work late tomorrow, in lieu

Underconstruction · 05/06/2009 01:30

When DH was overseas for a while we had a Daddy Chart so DD could check off the days till he came back. On the chart I would write what we were doing each day. Some were busy with friends, some were simply the park, but every box said something. Sometimes she'd go ages without commenting and I'd have to cross them out in haste before DH got back so it didn't look like she'd forgotten him.

I think mostly when you're really busy or preoccupied it's easy to forget to talk to little ones. Whether it's about what knickers to wear today or where daddy is, they need that involvement. They might not understand everything that's going on, but they need to understand their world... why am I here? how long will I be here? where's Daddy? why don't I have any friends here? It's hard for them.

Oh, and you're in T&T... rum punch is way better than wine!

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 01:35

Mmmmm, rum... Big rum fan here. I know its a bit girly but mine's a Bacardi and coke, please!!

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:41

LOL mines a Lambs Navy Rum & Coke - but will take the Jamaican Rum or Bacardi at a push (well, ever so slight nudge actually!!).

Would love to stay and drink rum chat, but bed awaits.... catch you all in the morning!

screamingabdab · 05/06/2009 01:42

Thanks ChippingIn - I am not even working tomorrow but Control-freakery means I can't trust stuff to get done .......

lilysmummy Be kind to yourself, it is VERY hard (and I challenge anyone to have a more tantrummy toddler than my DS1). Just try and remember that it is not personal and to not crank the emotional temperature up by getting worried (and therefore angry) about her, as I did. You are the adult.

I used to go into the kitchen and flip my toddlers the bird from behind a cupboard door when they were getting to me

Not very adult, but therapeutic!

Good practical advice book: Tantrums (from the Last Straw Strategies series), by Michelle Kennedy

screamingabdab · 05/06/2009 01:43

Off back to bed too

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 01:49

Night everyone...

Hmmm, still 9.50pm here...

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:57

Geo - PMSL - it's 2am here (I need to go to bed!! LOL) - where in the world are you??

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 01:58

Brazil

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 01:58

And its winter here and frikkin' freezing (by our standards!)

ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 02:01

LOL how long have you lived there? What is the temperature? We have had a lovely heat wave here the last week, it's been LOVELY!! However, judging by the temp tonight - tis over

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 02:03

I'm from the UK but grew up here. Its about 8ºC outside, but here houses are built for summer - no heating, no carpets, big windows... Luckily winter is short.

Sitting here wrapped in a blanket!

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 02:04

Am at all the heat wave threads!

Original poster

lilysmummy2007 · 05/06/2009 22:06

lo, thanks just managed to get back on, re lily, i tried ignoring and it seem to be working, also just discovered 3 molars coming through so maybe she has been in pain as well, poor angel, she seems to have been ok with her dad leaving but she occasionally calls for him and we have skype so she can see him and talk to him. strange how the topic strayed to rum lol, and yes a rum punch is delish! we have some great local rum, will bring a bottle back and anyone local to me in clapham is welcome to have a drink with me, we have been here since November last year and return in September. the heat does not help. on a cool day its 28 degrees and a scorcher can be up to 37 so will be returning very very tanned! thanks for all the advice, just have to get through it now.

OP posts:

Original poster

lilysmummy2007 · 05/06/2009 22:07

oh also think the daddy chart sounds like a great idea!

OP posts:

Geocentric · 05/06/2009 23:13

Hi lilysmummy, I think you'll be just fine... and remember, on a bad day/night there's always MN!!

Can't make it to Clapham, alas, but we can always do an exchange: bottle of rum for one of my local cachaça

TinyPawz · 05/06/2009 23:27

I feel your pain, I really do.

I have to admit that my lo has got smacked on occassion (when she smacks her granny) and I use the naughty step.

It is getting now that even the threat of the naughty step, lo turns back into an angel!

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