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Original poster

TO BE REALLY P****** OFF AT THIS OTHER MOTHER ??

53 replies

Summerfruit · 04/06/2009 11:37

Hi all,

Ok, everyday I take the children at a one oclock club (I'm a childminder). It's a really nice place and the children love it !!

But, there is child, he must be between 3 and 4 who is always bothering the other children. I mean he hits the little one, he runs after them, he pushed them down the slide etc.. I see it because I look after the children, they never left completely unsupervised even if its a closed place, it's secure etc..and I also play with them. This mum spend her time sitting on her bum, shatting to her mates, oh yes sometimes, she sees her son misbehaving, and she goes and tell off her son by saying : My love you shouldn't do that and then she goes back to her seat and if nothing happens..And he carries on..on being brutal..I mean shouldn't she discipline her son ?? I told her once and it really went on death ears !!!I really cant take anymore the fact that my little ones are being wacked over the head by this other child..I have started a dialogue, she doesnt want it, what should I do ??? I still want to go there, after all we have done nothing wrong, why shouldn't I enjoy a place 5 minutes from my place ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerfruit · 04/06/2009 14:16

I was like this too but I can't take it anymore, the other mum wouldnt move her arse to teel off her child, I used to only tend to my child, now I tend to my child and tell off the other child...

In an ideal world, yes we should all be responsible for our children.

OP posts:
Fairynufff · 04/06/2009 14:31

I think I fear that I would lose control and really give the other kid both barrels (like I would do with my own) and then be in BIG trouble. I can't do cool little child-friendly soundbites that get the message over, I just think "what does it take to get through to a vile little thug like you?" and a good hiding comes to mind! Of course that applies to the feckless parent too...

Poppity · 04/06/2009 14:32

I would tell him off and march him back to his mother to explain bluntly what has happened. She'll soon get sick of you interrupting her conversation and hopefully keep a better eye on him. Maybe not though

Poppity · 04/06/2009 14:34

Also if their are helpers there I would tell them and ask them to take some action as he is upsetting all the other children.

Original poster
Summerfruit · 04/06/2009 14:37

Believe me I know the feeling, but I have this feeling towards the mother seating on her arse while her kid, her responsability is playing havoc...one day, I'm not going to be so polite, I'm going to pull her son by the ear to see his mum and say : Hey Fat cow, I think it's time to move your arse again, your son hurt my child again, just before that, he hurt X and Y..So what are you going to do about it ????? Obviously, that's a fantasy but man...

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerfruit · 04/06/2009 14:39

I'm off today so I didnt go..but I think enough is enough and at first opportunity given, I'm going to kick her arse.

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 04/06/2009 14:43

If someone hits my son i usually move DS out of the way and tell the other boy that his behaviour is not nice. If he hits DS and i can't get to DS i then get down to the kids eye level and step inbetween the two and tell him that what he is doing is unacceptable. I would totally expect someone to do the same to my DC if i missed out on unacceptable behaviour. I fail to understand when it became politically incorrect to reprimand a child, any child, when they are doing wrong. When i was younger any and every adult would tell me off if i was doing something wrong and i would have to respect that because they were older than me. If he is being brutal to your mindees and the mother does not notice you say loudly "that is unacceptable. Please do not him/her as she/he is smaller than you and it is not nice". Mother should hear and make a comment and if not at least the child has been told that his behaviour is being watched and unacceptable.

icedgemsrock · 04/06/2009 19:41

summerfruit you are funny. please tell the fat cow to get off her arse and then let us know how you get on

LolaTheShowgirl · 04/06/2009 22:48

You gave me the best laugh i've had all month! Shatting to her mates and falling on death ears!

Looooooooooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!!

ChippingIn · 04/06/2009 23:35

Stigaloid - I'm not sure when it became politically incorrect to tell off other peoples children either and like you, I grew up in a era where any adult telling you off was fine and if your parents found out you'd be in trouble all over again! I personally don't have any trouble telling off anyone else's children (in a different way I'd tell mine off though) and if they have a problem with it, they can feel free to start parenting their own little shits children.

One little boy I told off at a soft play place (about 8 years old? He had some small girls in a confined space hitting out at them with a plastic sword - they were very scared as he was much bigger than them) had me seeing red and I really told him off - he said 'I'm going to tell my Mum what you said' - so I said 'that's good, I'll come with you, it will save me the trouble of trying to find her!'... cue one kid deciding he wasn't too sure where she was ...LOL

NationalFlight · 05/06/2009 07:30

SF is French and very lovely.

abraid · 05/06/2009 08:12

Maybe use your childminding role as a tool. 'Sorry to make a fuss, but one of my mindees' mothers is really upset about what is going on here and I don't want her to come in here and complain to management about your child'. And smile sweetly.

Original poster
Summerfruit · 05/06/2009 12:55

Hi !!!! Well I'm going this afternoon and I'll think about what you all said !! I'll try being diplomatic, I'm a childminder, a responsible adult so will kick her bum as nicely as I can and hopefully she is going to understand. I was speaking about it with a friend of mine yesterday, she was saying that the child probably doesnt know how to play nicely, so that's where the problem is.

Nationalflight - Thank youuuuuuuuuu !!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerfruit · 05/06/2009 12:57

Oh god..just realize why you are laughing..you don't say death ears but deaf ears ? No ?? Man, have been 9 years in London and spelling/grammars are still crap !!xxxx

OP posts:
FatFree · 05/06/2009 13:05

I wouldnt worry about it, most of us british born and raised cant speak proper!

Hope you got your little problem sorted, i remember hating telling off the kids when i started work at a nursery and consequently i was known as the soft touch, till one day i found my voice and watched as all their jaws dropped

keepmumshesnotsodumb · 05/06/2009 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Summerfruit · 05/06/2009 13:33

Some people have no consideration for other people's children sometimes, that is what annoyed me. I mean the first time my dd got hurt by this child and only this one...I was on the verge of tears, nobody likes seeing their children getting hurt, I know they learning to fend for themself but still..sorry for the rambling..So if she knows her child has really bad social skills and enjoy kicking other kids, she should question herself no ?? I mean it this time, if he does it again, she really have to listen to me this time, if she doesn't, I'll complain to the staff.

OP posts:
keepmumshesnotsodumb · 05/06/2009 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FatCowFishWife · 05/06/2009 14:02

OYYYYYYYYY!!!

I know you're all talkin' about me. Don'tcha pretend you don't know nuffink about what I'm talkin' about!

If I've got death ears, that's mah business.
If I wanna shat in a chiwdren's play centre, that again, mah dahlin', is mah business.
And if I wanna get some bleedin' peace n quiet wivout mah bldy brats clingin' to me cankles, that's mah fin' business, awrigh'?

And furthermore - hang about - OY!! Husband! What'choo fink you're doin'? I said OYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

**

Original poster
Summerfruit · 05/06/2009 14:10

Fishwife - Really good one !!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Twitmonster · 05/06/2009 14:15

This might seem a bit weird, but if he is being ignored and therefore playing up, perhaps if you include him, he might stop being so aggressive. It sounds as if the little darling wants some attention.

This is one of the many reasons I hate baby/toddler groups.

wasabipeanut · 05/06/2009 14:20

I'm afraid I have little hesitation in gently telling off other kids when they push mine around. Not horribly you understand, I just fight my ds's corner when he is being shoved around. Given that he is only 20mo he needs a little help sometimes.

In an ideal world every parent would actually bother to keep an eye on their kids and gently pull them back into line when they do something out of order but sadly, we don't seem to have an ideal world.

MrsMerryHenry · 05/06/2009 14:31

Twitmonster - good suggestion. I once helped otu in a classroom with a misbehaving boy (aged 6) who the teacher confided in me that she 'hated'.

She took the first opportunity she could to palm him off onto me (aged 16 at the time - what a professional teacher she was!) by putting him in my small group. Within a few seconds, as I was explaining what we were going to do, the boy started banging his head on the table. I decided he was understimulated and so quickly finished the demonstration, then asked 'Who'd like to go first? David - how about you?'. He jumped up with delight and launched into the activity - needed a little guidance but did it well, followed by the other kids, who also behaved well. After that he and I got on well and he never misbehaved around me.

So although, OP, it's not your responsibility to ensure this child behaves himself, that might be the only way to stop him hitting people.

Either that or you could slap his mum and see what happens .

Original poster
Summerfruit · 05/06/2009 14:31

Twitmonster - he never stays in one place..when I have to tell him off, I do, firmly, I'm never out of order, he's a child.I'm angry with the mother, she is useless..as I said, you cant be all the time behind your child's back esp if the child is 3-4 years old but if you know that your child tend to be a little anti-social, you pay a bit more attention and you see him doing something wrong, you dont go to him with a cheesy voice saying oh my love, dont do that, that is not very nice !! I mean, he looks like he's thinking "whatever" everytime she is telling him off..

But who am I to question the way she raises her child, I just wish it didnt have to affect the other children. I didn't go in the end cause it is raining and we would have been indoor and the situation would have been worst.

And please sorry for the rambling again, I'm going to deal with it !

OP posts:
Saskia1 · 05/06/2009 14:31

Hi
This is my first time on mumsnet.
I know exactly how you are feeling. I have 2 children, one is 2 1/2 and the other one is a year old. my siter in law also has a child who is 2 1/2 and he is really violent. whenever we go round to theirs he pinches and bites my younger child and tries to stangle the older one. His parents will just sit there and watch him and if you say anything to him they get offended. I now try to avoid going to theirs but how do i stop them coming round to ours?? i hate it when parents are so soft with their kids when they are bullying others.

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